Strange neighbours

[Whenthingsgobumpinthenight]

Ok, please tell me if you think the house next to us sounds weird or am I just being ridiculous.

We’ve lived in our house for almost 5 months now but never seen our neighbours, not properly. They are very rarely home during the day but home late at night. So far I’ve seen a van half a dozen times pull up at the house with a man in it. He’s never in the house very long 5 -30 mins. DH thought he might be doing work on the house but he’s not there long enough. I have seen a few different cars pulling in and out with a woman driving but I’ve never got a good look at her, once I think there was someone in the passenger side. Again the cars don’t stay long. There seem to be the same 2 cars that tend to park overnight. I only know this because my bedroom over looks their driveway so when I’m closing my blinds at night I can see them, but only ever one at a time. Otherwise I never see them pulling up. The car is always gone before we get up in the mornings. Who ever turns up to the house dosnt until usually 10-11 o’clock at night. There is lots of moving around and banging which goes on quite late sometimes.

Today we saw a different car pull up, for the first time we were stood outside our front door, I was so bloody curious that a walked into the car door my DCs had left open🤦‍♀️ But it’s like they are magic as you never seen anyone going in or out of the actual house.

The other day the windows were open for the first time during the day. Not thrown open like ours and everyone else’s in the street, just slightly open and the curtains were pulled almost closed. At the front of the house I’d get as we have to close ours to block sunlight sometimes but the back of the house was the same. My DH was stood outside talking to our DC the same day and glanced up to see a woman watching them but she shot behind the curtains when she saw him look up. He didn’t get a good look at her.

Last week I was woken up by what appeared to be shouting or screaming coming from the house. At the time I dismissed it as the other side of us, not adjoining, is a student house. They aren’t usually loud but do occasionally like to have a few. When I got up I saw a couple of the students in the front garden and the music from their house was travelling through our open upstairs windows so I put it down to that but now I’m not certain it was the students as they were laughing and loudly chatting, what woke me sounded different.

For some reason my DH seemed to think older kids, high school age lived in the house, he dosnt know why he thought this and can’t remember seeing any, he viewed the house with the landlord and agent so he thinks he may have been told this.

We’ve got quite a good view of a lot of houses all around us from the upstairs of our house and with the nice weather there are lots of people out spending time in gardens, open windows chatting over hedges etc but not with the house right next door. There has been no one in their garden, front or back.

I don’t think I’m a nosy neighbour but I am observant of my surroundings and I like to know faces, I think it’s just natural to recognise movements of people where you live.

So Do you think this is weird, maybe vampires or wizards live there???? Or am I being ridiculous and stop being nosy.

Sounds like my mum’s neighbours -not home all day but back late at night she was very suspicious of them. Turned out they owned a 7-11 shop!

Id hate to have you next door-the epitome of a nosey neighbour -Somehow convinced you have the right to know everyones comings and goings..We had a couple like this next to us once who went to absurd lengths to find out how i was financing my apparently affluent lifestyle and why my number plates were from another state etc.. Insanely resentful I had neither time nor inclination to indulge their whispered fantasies.
Mind your own business-I can only imagine you're bored and need a distraction. Maybe set up a neighbourhood watch-that the usual aspiration for your type of personality.

@baffledcoconut

We’ve lived in our house for TEN years and never seen the people opposite us.

Come to think of it, that’s a bit odd....

I've never known anyone in the houses opposite me and I've lived in one place for 27 years. I wouldn't recognise them if I passed them in the street. I think the opposite houses have changed hands a few times, I have seen 'For Sale' signs from time to time. I just hope they don't notice me.

www.antislavery.org/slavery-today/spot-the-signs-of-slavery/

Ask the postie or the landlord who you're living next door to. Ignore the pps giving you grief - your senses have been heightened to irregular behaviour, and it's perfectly normal to have a protective instinct as a mother.

Blimey, I must be a cannabis farmer. I like to watch telly or read late into the night. I also suffer occasional insomnia. My neighbours who keep strange hours both day and night are nurses(one being a midwife). They do work odd hours. I often have my blinds shut during the day as when the sun is out it shines on the TV and I then cannot see it. Nothing nefarious going on at all. Jumping to conclusions when you do not know your neighbours circumstances is dangerous. You should also hope your neighbours do not jump to conclusions about you. Some people are very private, myself included. Im wary of neighbours, too many are total gossips or want to be in all your business. If that makes me weird, Im happy to stay weird. Ive seen too many neighbours get overly friendly with each other and it all ends badly. Good fences make good neighbours.

Asking the postie is a good suggestion but they might be related to said neighbours and then you'd be in big doo doo. I'd either knock and introduce myself, report it as odd to local police station (if you've still got one) or try to stop obsessing.

I would be concerned about trafficking too. I would phone 101 to request a welfare check.

Why don't you go and knock on the door and find out, break the ice. The house next door to us is a rental, so new neighbours every couple of years. I always knock on the door with plants - either in a hanging basket or patio tub. I don't want to be friends with my neighbours, but I want to be on hello and look out for each other terms. Plus I'm really nosey.

@MoonlightFlitwick

I would be concerned about trafficking too. I would phone 101 to request a welfare check.

This.

I don’t think I’m a nosy neighbour

Never before has a mumsnetter so abjectly failed in the art of self assessment

Sounds odd doesn’t it OP. I don’t think you are a nosey neighbour at all. You do notice patterns with neighbours, we have recently moved and have met both of our new neighbours, who seem really nice. I know already what time/days they go to work etc. You just notice things like that. I would feel inclined to report to 101.

When we had our burglar alarm fitted at our previous house, the first thing the guy said when he came to quote was, who’s your nosiest neighbour? We will put the alarm bell on the wall where they can see it. So nosy neighbours can be very useful.

The OP, yesterday.

@Avocadoadvantage

Ideasplease322 what was the outcome to the story? Was she proved right about the baby?

She stopped posting.

Basically she just said the child was never out but she saw the parents together going out all the time. Even in the hot summer she never saw the baby int he garden etc. She just posted to ask if that was odd. She could occassionally hear the baby crying.

People really attacked her, said she was smug and judgemental. Two women said they had experienced post natal depression, didn’t want to got out and this lady was contributing to that by judging them for never taking their small baby outside.

Then it became the usual pile on with everyone saying how horrible the lady was to even comment, so she went away. No idea on the outcome.

A lot of private properties are owned either by private child residential care companies or organisations involved with post 16 care leavers.
Generally a lot of these properties spend a long time unused or with unusual time keeping as they are used for 'crisis' to either temporarily remove a struggling young person from a children's home to not upset the other young people, or as a stop gap with agency staff when no placements are available.
They are also used for post 16 young adults to live semi independent to prepare them for the outside world.
I may be wrong but with the unusual time keeping, screaming and you dh mentioning teens it sounds plausible.

When we had cold weather did they have frost or snow on their roof?
Are the curtains ever open?
Do you never see the residents?

Cannabis grow ffor sure

it's not at all unreasonable to wonder about this and in my opinion pretty offensive to accuse the OP of being nosy or intrusive or start with the memes. She did nothing to deserve the pile on and many posters are with you OP. We live in communities and wondering if our neighbours are OK - or involved in something that might harm other members of the community - is pretty important in civilised society.

That’s quite sad. Yes there could have been lots of innocent reasons for it, but if her vigilance could have avoided even the smallest chance of harm to a baby, then what’s wrong with that? If the mum had PND then a friendly neighbour knocking on the door to say hello might have been appreciated.

I live in a cul de sac and people watch out for each other as we get used to other people’s routines and rhythms. We would notice if a neighbour hadn’t taken in their milk or opened their curtains in days and someone would knock. To me, that’s what community is about.

Nosy. Get a life.

I don’t think I’m a nosy neighbour

Well, you might not think so, but you are. I'm glad you're not my NDN.

Just because people are private does not make them weird
This.

Of course it's "normal" to notice our surroundings and to be interested in those around you.

It's not normal to judge them. Judgementalism threads through your whole first post @Whenthingsgobumpinthenight

@avocadoadvantage

That’s quite sad. Yes there could have been lots of innocent reasons for it, but if her vigilance could have avoided even the smallest chance of harm to a baby, then what’s wrong with that? If the mum had PND then a friendly neighbour knocking on the door to say hello might have been appreciated.

I live in a cul de sac and people watch out for each other as we get used to other people’s routines and rhythms. We would notice if a neighbour hadn’t taken in their milk or opened their curtains in days and someone would knock. To me, that’s what community is about.

I do think there was a cultural/regional dimension to it.

The lady mentioned she had nipped over with a baby present when the baby arrived. She was told this was intrusive.

I live in Ireland and to be honest pretty much everyone buys baby presents for neighbours. This thread stuck in my mind because others reacted so strongly to this.

I have always bought small tokens when neighbours have a baby, knock the door insist I am not coming in but just leaving a gift.

This lady had done just that and was told she was a nosey busy body😳.

I have similar next door to me. A man in his 20s/30s moved in 2 years ago. He said his pregnant girlfriend and her 6 year old son would be joining him once he’d got the house ready.
At first he had friends coming and going with tools etc and seemed to be doing work on the house. We saw him every couple of days coming and going.
One night a young woman stayed over (saw her smoking on the doorstep in her pyjamas).
After the first couple of months there was a Christmas tree in the window. The curtains were then drawn and remained closed since. A month later there were “it’s a boy” banners. The man only seemed to be there every 3 nights or so (his car is outside 11pm-7/8). I’ve seen the woman twice since smoking and twice pulling up for a 15 minute visit with him in his car with a baby and a young boy.
I’ve never heard children/ a baby. I’ve never seen the children except those 2 times (including on the school run). No one has used the garden, which is now overgrown. The conservatory roof blew off in 2019 and they haven’t asked the landlord to fix it.
There’s a smell of cannabis occasionally: he said a friend had been smoking in the garden, but it’s inaccessible due to rubbish/ brambles blocking the conservatory door.
We have told the police, but they don’t seem to have been round.

**I do think there was a cultural/regional dimension to it.

The lady mentioned she had nipped over with a baby present when the baby arrived. She was told this was intrusive.**

^Yes, there will be a cultural element here. Also, I’ve discovered that AIBU threads appear to develop a kind of ‘hive mentality’. Once it’s been agreed that the OP is a nosy busybody, then a pile-on starts and posters stop thinking for themselves. I doubt they even read the thread.

Eventually, one or two posters question the accepted verdict and the thread becomes more balanced, with a genuine discussion.

Sadly, often by then, the OP has disappeared from the thread.