to expect to have more disposable income than single mums claiming benefits

[newnails]

i no longer know why me and dh bother, he works full time and i work part time so that i can juggle the child care.

i know of 3 single mums who stay near me who seem to have more money than i can dream of, out every weekend, always shopping and 2 of them manage to run cars.

i know the benefit system is needed by some people but it seems to be a complete joke these days, the wasters in this country are leading the life of reilly while the rest of us are left to slog our guts out to pay for there existence.

no doubt i will get flamed for this post but i have been out xmas shopping today trying to work to a budget then i stand next to these people at the school gates and hear about all the grants they are entitled to so they can buy xmas presents, one of them has even cut back the last 2 months and managed to save £800, it would take me bloody months to save that up.

ok rant over, deep down i am glad i am not one of these people and i do actually work for what i have but it still pisses me of.

that's how I feel too nightowl

I don't think people really take into account the emotional impact of it all, from getting out of a bad marriage to trying to get back on your feet to reading the kind of ignorant drivel that's displayed on this thread. I'd rather go through it all again than lose my basic compassion for other people.

in my opinion i know how hard it is on both sides never been a single mum live with dp i'm stay at home mum so live off dp but we jhave no choice as he works away and very liong hours couldnt possibly work around his hours and dont have spare cash for nursery

my sis and my friends ahve been single mums through no fault of there own and at no point have lived life of luxery i think the ones that do maybe have credit cards or loans and not all single mums should be slagged off without knowing every families personal circumstances

i too have been on recieving end of being slagged off as my dp works alot i'm always seen by myself made comments to about living on benifits i mean wtf i live off my dp who works his arse off to support his family yet people persume i'm on benifits and feel they have the right to comment

all i can say is dont resent those who you think have a better life anddont feel the need to comment dont forget all mums have free perscriptions for 1st yr some pre pay as it works out cheaper

i know ou get spongers but not all mums are they would love to work but havent enough support to do so

so stop feeling resentful towards others unless you really know there situation stop feeling you have the right to comment to anyone about how they live as i'm sick of it when i say i have someone and i'm not on benefits the look of yeah right all mums need sup[port whatever there circumstances

Message withdrawn

i would just like to add that when you claim income support you are entitled to a loan, it has to be paid back! it is a loan.

someone made a comment to me a few weeks ago when i said i was laying a new floor "do the council pay for that then?" er, no love they dont.

Christ and a biscuit, I've seen the comments you mean, Doodledootoo. Lovely...

My mum was on benefits when we were young and I know how hard it was and I am plad we live in a country that takes care of people (even if its not a huge sum of money) when they need it. However, I do know what OP means and agree with some posters that for some its a lifestyle choice. I have a family member who had a baby at 16. Not planned and things have been tough for her. However, in the 8 years since the little girl was born this family member has never worked. It really grates me as I have children and have had no choice but to work and then been criticised by this family member for putting my DD into nursery!! The person concerned is undoubtedly naive as she has known nothing else but she is now plannng her next child which will mean at least another 8 years living off the system. I feel sad for her in some respects as I cant see her getting out of the poverty trap but on the other hand what else do you expect!

I have to say, when i was a single mum on benefits, i had very little spare cash and things were tight. I was very lucky to have supportive parents who helped me out. I hated being on benefits. I met my DP when DD1 was two, we were "together" for four years before he moved in with me and we bought a house. He lived 50 miles from me. We both had very little money, i started college and uni during this time. The only leisure thing we could afford to do was walk our dog and take DD to the swings etc. DD, luckily never went without as my parents helped out.

Now DP and i have both worked, i am SAHM at the moment and he is establishing a building business. We havea mortgage and god knows how many debts and it is definately more stressful now than when i was on benefits. We had less, but we owed less and had less demands on our cash. DPs sister is on benefits, she really should be working IMO, she doesnt have any debt, manages to go out etc, her children have grown up. She is always whinging about being poor etc.

Saying all that, i would rather be where i am now than where i was then.

I think it is easy to flame the OP, but the fact remains that there ARE scroungers out there. People who are more than capable of getting work but they are simply too lazy or too conditioned into thinking the state will pay for them. However, i do think that the majority of people claiming benefits are not scroungers and just find themselves in a difficult situation. When i was on benefit i would have had to earnt quite a high wage to even scrape even and i think that is where the problem lies. I hated being on benefit and i went to university to improve my earning potential. Then later on, DP and i bought a house together so all benefits stopped at that point. I am now a SAHM but i will be returning to work when DD2 starts school, we dont get any benefits at all, even though we are probably entitled to them at the moment.

I would think most people on benefits would swap with the OP. I guess my advice to her would be, if you want to earn more money, get a better paid job, go to night classes to get qualified etc and go and earn more. I am quite happy just scraping by for now. We have been through a rough patch caused by financial worries and we both maintain that we were so much happier when we had no money at all and the highlight of our week was a awalk on the beach with our dog.

i had my first child at 19, i was on benefits for some time. I hated it, as someone else has posted it crushed my confidence. But i am deeply offened by the "what do you expect" comment made by mice. Just because i made a "mistake" and got pregnant in a casual relationship does not make me a slag. I did not expect the state to keep me, i went to college and then university to get myself in a situation where i could earn enough money to make coming off benefits a feasable option. I have since met my DP of 15 years and i am a SAHM, however i will be returning to work, through choice, when dd starts school in a few years time. There ARE scroungers out there, i never put single mothers into this category.

soapbox speaks sense. but nobody's listening. it's too easy, as i have repeated ad nauseum, to scapegoat more vulnerable segments of society - women and their children.

how disgraceful!

some of you should think black burning shame of yourselves.

lucyellensmum your posts speak a lot of sense. I have no time for slagging off people who are in genuine need and who don't abuse the system. But as keeps cropping up time and time again, we all know of people who DO abuse the system, and for the millions of hardworking mums and dads out there, it just seems like a kick in the teeth. For example, there is a woman along my street who has split from her partner who chooses not to work. Her kids are 12 and 9 and in school all day for god's sake! She clearly has a standard of living that many two parent working families would not be able to afford: she runs a car, has holidays, regular shopping trips and beauty treatments. And please don't tell me I don't know all the facts, because she's quite upfront about it!! Also, in the school where I teach we had a 16 year old pupil who had a baby last year. This girl now has a council flat and is living on benefits. If my 16 year old daughter, currently at 6th form college, wants to move out and live independently - tough! The state won't pay for her to make that choice! Now as I've said before, I'm not saying I'd want to be like either of these people. I'd be bored shitless sitting at home all day with a 12 and 9 year old at school. But that's not really the point. The fact is, there ARE people out there who take the piss and it's the rest of us paying for it!

in the gutter - spot on - well put and well done!!!!

inthegutter - if your 16 year old daughter gets a letter from you saying she can no longer live at home she will be given accomodation and she will be entitled to income support. clearly no you dont know all the facts.

im sorry but this thread has made me feel quite sick.

how dare you feel you have teh right to pass judgement.

you have no idea of peoples circumstances. how do you know that these people are abusing teh system?

I drive an 02 plate zafira. to some in my area it looks like a "flash car" no. it was bought when i was part of a couple who both worked.

i have a leather setee, i bought it with teh compensation money i was awarded from a crash i had 4 years ago and forgotten all about....prior to this we had a 20 year old floral one that we gratefully recieved from freecycle.
I have a widescreen tv, not plasma but still quite modern. it was given to us again from freecycle not working. my dad fiddled with it and weyhey its fine.

i got my fridge by taking out a provident loan that i have to repay at a rate of 177%

youhave no idea of what goes on behind clotehs doors and you have no right to judge.

oh, and why is a 16 year old who feel pregnant taking the piss by getting a home for her and her child?

If a 16yr old decides to fall pregnant so be it - but inthegutter is right - she gets accommodation and money. Any other 16yr old who doesn't fall pregnant has to make her own way in life and fund her own accommodation. Where did inthegutter say the pregnant 16yr old was 'taking the piss'?

It is well known that there are some young girls who deliberately get themselves in the family way in order to get themselves somewhere to live and money given to them. I know of two local girls who have admitted to doing this - so please don't tell me to get the facts first.

Mamazon - exactly my point. IF as parents, my partner and I abdicate responsibility for our daughter and tell her she can't remain at home, 'the state' (ie tax payers) will have to accommodate and support her. If we behave like responsible parents and support her through 6th form, college etc then we get sweet FA! Life can be tough for everyone. There have been times when our duaghters behaviour and attitude have seriously got us down and yes, in many ways life would be easier if she had her own place. But why should I expect other hardworking people to support our daughter. We had her, it's our job to get on with it through bad times and good. And by the way, if she were to fall pregnant I'd still see it as our responsibility to accommodate her. I'm not passing judgement on your O2 plate car or your widescreen TV. I don't know you. I DO know the woman in my street and the pupil I taught last year. They are quite open and upfront about their financial and housing situations. So please DON'T tell me I have no idea.

no MALO, she will be given income support, the same as teh girl with a baby. try reading the post properly.

maybe if you all came down from your ivory towers once in a while you woudl discover teh FACTS about teh state benefit system instead of making wild assumptions.

Oh mamazon - come on! Now who is being judgmental???!!!!

I have read the posts - thanks!

inthegutter -

some kids arent lucky enough to have parents who will support them when they make bad decisions.

mamazon - I'd best put pen to paper then and write a letter for my dd's 16th birthday and say 'here you are love, you're out....and all those kind taxpayers are going to pay for your benefits and somewhere to live...bye!' TBH I'd feel like I've failed as parent if I were to allow that to happen.

Nightowl - interesting point. Should it be 'lucky' to have parents who support you? I think society has become so fragmented, and family life so underrated that indeed, maybe we've reached a point that it's the norm to assume that once our kids reach a certain age we just give up on them. After all, there's always that famous 'someone else', 'the state', 'the welfare system','benefits, 'the social' or whatever you want to call it, which will do the job of parenting for you. And then hey, you don't feel like going out and getting a job, well never mind, the state will support you to do bugger all! I agree that there will probably always be a minority of children whose parents are so dysfunctional that they don't have the capacity to support their children. But the norm should be that children have parents who are committed, involved and willing to take responsibility for them. This shouldnt be 'lucky'.

i always believed i should work, i was brought up to know i should work.

i found myself on benefit for a while. i went back to work when i could.

ive worked for 14 years, i was on benefit for 19 months through no fault of my own. how happy does it make me feel to see threads like this?

it seems not to matter what i did before or after being on benefit...im just "one of those".

Luck doesn't come into it, imo. I don't see my kids as 'lucky'. I see my kids as our responsibility until such time as they want to make their own way in this big wide world and I will not force them to do so until they are ready. We chose to have children - it was our decision - and therefore we will be with them (hopefully) every step of the way.