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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

5 day morning after pill.

29 replies

Devlesko · 02/04/2021 01:14

Hi, first of all AIBU to help my dd friend who is worried and needs the 5 day morning after (whatever it's called) as she daren't ask her mum?

The problem is I know nothing about it or where she'd get one tomorrow which apparentely is the last day she can take it.

Any suggestions? Been supportive all night, have googled and running out of ideas, can anyone help?
Child is between gp's and not registered yet, so gp out of the question and would be emergency only on Good Friday.

OP posts:

Sycamoretrees · 02/04/2021 01:21

Try calling 111 and asking for advice, they will want to speak with her too. It is worth bearing in mind that the morning after pill isn't 100% effective, and the sooner you take it the more likely it is to work.

Sparklesocks · 02/04/2021 01:22

You should be able to get it over the counter at pharmacies. Not all will be open tomorrow but some will be.

Original poster

Devlesko · 02/04/2021 01:30

Thank you, I looked at the pharmacies and they start at £16.
I think I'll just have to buy it for her. I doubt anywhere else would be open tomorrow and I don't know anywhere local that has a clinic, although I'm sure they'll be one.
It wasn't completely unprotected but the girls first time and she's worried the condom might not have worked.
It's more for her reassurance than anything.

OP posts:

Isadora2007 · 02/04/2021 01:33

You won’t be able to buy it for her she will need to go with you to get it prescribed for her there and then I think (that’s the case in Scotland anyway).
A coil can get fitted up to 5 days later. Not sure the pill is effective after 3...

Isadora2007 · 02/04/2021 01:34

Oh there is a 5 day option. Here’s the link

www.nhs.uk/conditions/contraception/where-can-i-get-emergency-contraception/

Jamboree01 · 02/04/2021 01:36

How old is DD friend?

ThatchersCold · 02/04/2021 01:39

It’s ellaone that she needs. But find out where she is in her cycle as it’s not effective if taken during or after ovulation, only before. It’s about £35 and you can buy it in any chemist.

Kintsuji · 02/04/2021 01:45

I'd start googling pharmacies in your area and see whose open tomorrow. Ring around as soon as they are. I think you're doing the right thing supporting her choice in this. Her body her choice. Only caveat Id have is if she's very young or you think the sex was non consensual and then I'd be trying to get her other support as well as the MAP. I'd also be telling her to come back if she doesn't get her period in however many days the pharmacist says she should get it. Because if the 5 day MAP doesn't work she needs to see a doctor or preferably go to local family planning clinic or equivalent asap.

Jamboree01 · 02/04/2021 01:48

Her body. Her choice. However, the parent isn’t being given the option to support their own child. This is completely wrong and overstepping the mark.

Pleasure · 02/04/2021 01:53

I'd encourage her to consider talking to her mum. How old is dd's friend? Agree with jamboree01 re overstepping the mark.

Happycat1212 · 02/04/2021 02:02

I had to get the 5 day one and I couldn’t find a single pharmacy that actually had stock of it, all the ones in my local area so they didn’t have it, I now have a 3 year old! Hopefully she manages to find it! It’s obviously not as common as the 3 day 😕

Ilikeviognier · 02/04/2021 08:27

Ella one. I took it recently. Bought it at local pharmacy. It was about £35 though. She sounds young though and may not even need it by the sounds of it. It’s not to be taken lightly- it can really mess with your cycles.

Parent involvement needed I think.

MaLarkinn · 02/04/2021 08:32

I disagree it's overstepping the mark, ignore these comments as you're not asking for advice about that.

A coil can be fitted up to 5 days after.

Sh05 · 02/04/2021 08:37

Depending on her age you need to speak to her mum. It'll come out later if she is pregnant so I think you'd rather encourage her to speak to her parents before doing anything.

LIZS · 02/04/2021 08:42

I doubt a coil would be an option for her age group. She will need to see a pharmacist or walk-in gp (book via 111) asap.

margotleadbeter · 02/04/2021 08:58

Ella one is the 120 hour EC. If you/her ring 111 she can get signposted to somewhere to access it for free even on a BH. It does work to delay ovulation so a health professional could advise if it's suitable depending on her cycle. If her cycle isn't regular as clockwork it's likely they will give it regardless if there are no other contraindications. A coil is the most effective EC and can be fitted a little beyond 5 days by a contraceptive specialist if her cycle is very predictable (it's all very clever calculations and beyond my brain). She also needs to get sexual health follow up in a couple of weeks, look at her longer term contraception options and discuss with sexual health how she can avoid a repeat panic. They can talk to her about ensuring she has respectful relationships and negotiates safer sex. It's good that she trusts you and you want to help. Her parents may be upset if they ever found out but ultimately preventing a pregnancy and having professional involvement to safeguard her is more important

georgarina · 02/04/2021 09:02

You can get it online - I needed it and there are online pharmacies that deliver it in two hours. Expensive but if you need it they'll get it to you.

Original poster

Devlesko · 02/04/2021 11:58

Sorted, thanks very much.
I was up most of the night, either worrying or frantically searching.
Really hard to find, hardly anywhere stocks it.
I sent her and dd off to get it, they are 17 and the pair are good friends who were experimenting, both first time.
I find it shocking that the school they attend have dozens of people they could contact including a school nurse, and the girl felt unable.
Parents very strict religious people, the relationship would be broken if she spoke to her family. They wouldn't throw her out but her father would never forgive her.
I'm so glad dd knew that i'd help and that in the same situation she could come to me.
Thanks for the suggestions, but I'm certainly not contacting her parents.
The lad is lovely and dd said he contacted friend and said he would pay for the pill.
I really wanted to say that unless they suspected the condom broke they are probably worrying about nothing, but I know I couldn't really in case.
I told her to let me know if I can help again and I would.
I'm sure the worry is such that they'll both wait until they are in a steady relationship

OP posts:

Jamboree01 · 02/04/2021 12:05

Actually OPs first sentence asked for advice about that.

I take it you would be happy for someone else to get your child contraception without giving you the opportunity to support them.

It’s lovely that your DD knew you would help. It’s a shame her friend’s mum wasn’t given a
chance to demonstrate the same support for her own child.

aintnocoffeebigenough · 02/04/2021 12:15

Now that you’ve said she’s 17 I don’t feel as though you’re overstepping the mark at all. If she was 13 I probably would be thinking yes OP you need to get her to chat to her mum. You sound lovely and must have a great relationship with your DD for her to know you’d help her friend.

Because she’s 17 I’d imagine she’ll have to do all of the talking herself. So perhaps you could guide her to call 111 and find out which pharmacies nearby offer the 5 day MAP and if it’s not walkable, you could drop her off?

If she definitely used a condom and it didn’t split I would try and reassure her it isn’t necessary though. As a PP said, it’s not something to be taken lightly and if she’s going to have this fear every time she has sex she shouldn’t be banking on it repeatedly.

PotholeHellhole · 02/04/2021 12:44

This is an extemely awkward conversation to have, but for the future, can you talk to her about how to check if the condom has split?

I used to inspect the teat of the condom afterwards to see if there was any leakage of seminal fluid. This should either set your mind at rest or immediately alert you that you need emergency contraception.

Pleasure · 02/04/2021 13:05

Knowing she's 17 throws a different light on overstepping the mark, glad you helped her to get sorted out. Maybe she would feel more reassured in the future if she was on the pill, obvs using condoms as well.
It's sad that she can't talk to her parents. I've always encouraged dd to talk about things like this (and I'm from a religious background😊)

Hammyhamster92 · 02/04/2021 14:52

Absolutely cannot believe the comments here, of course op should help her. If the friends mother was supportive, she'd have gone to her directly. I think some people here are quite naive, in that they believe all parents of teens are "supportive/ good people."

One of my friend's mother's found a sex toy in her room,( age.19), brought it downstairs and confronted the girl over dinner in front of her religous father about it. Just because someone is a parent of a teen, doesn't mean they are in anyway supportive

Hammyhamster92 · 02/04/2021 14:54

And besides which, I would genuinely hope that if my 17 year old approached a friends parent/ neighbour etc, for support in getting the morning after pill, that they helped her to get it, rather than refusing and her still being too shy to come to me and getting pregnant. I don't see what reasonable parent would object to someone helping in this way tbh xx

Hammyhamster92 · 02/04/2021 14:55

Supporting a young person with contraception / STI information is not the same as giving them access to explicit porn magazines

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