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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Am I being too sensitive or is this shit?

63 replies

toosensitive1 · 01/04/2021 22:46

Started seeing someone relatively recently, all going well, was very excited to be able to go to his house after a few months of lockdown and meeting up outside for walks, coffees (him needing to shield, but now able to bubble together as he feels happier now he's had the vaccine).

We were meant to be meeting up this evening, but he was too busy with work so we rearranged for tomorrow instead. That's annoying, but I understand. Then we began to discuss plans for me coming to his on Saturday, he invited me to stay over but I am not able to stay on this occasion. He then texts me shortly after to 'let me know he's got plans for the evening on Saturday'... I then asked what these plans were, as a minute ago he was asking me to stay over... he's been invited to a garden get together with his family, but I now feel a bit rubbish as it seems that because I'm not staying over, I'll now be 'turfed out' by a certain time, and he didn't think to ask me if I minded/what time I'd planned to leave/if we'd be having dinner together etc... He lives an hour away, so it's not as simple as just popping over and popping home again. When I pointed this out he did then say sorry and said he'd cancel the plans he'd just made with his family, but I just feel like an afterthought.

It all just feels a bit crap, but I can be oversensitive so wanted to know what the general consensus is?

OP posts:

Shoxfordian · 02/04/2021 07:15

I think you’re being unreasonable too; he probably assumed you were leaving earlier so he can go to his family party

Shoxfordian · 02/04/2021 07:17

@steff13
You can have sex at any time of day not just in the dark with the lights off

ShadierThanaPalmTree · 02/04/2021 07:18

I do think you are being over-sensitive. You're not an afterthought, he asked you first if you would stay, you said no so he has made other plans instead. Plans with his family, it's not like he is ditching you for "the lads" or whatever. You can't decide that you are not seeing him so no one else can either!

If he had waited until Saturday when you are already there, and then said "Oh, I'm off to see my family now so you need to leave." That would have been unreasonable, but he has given you fair warning and even offered to cancel seeing his own family. What else can he do?

seven201 · 02/04/2021 07:27

You said you couldn't stay so he probably thought you wouldn't be there for most of the evening. His family who he hasn't spent proper time with for ages invited him so he said yes. I think I'd have done the same in his shoes. I'd love to see my family!

PurpleFlower1983 · 02/04/2021 07:33

You are being controlling, spend the day with him on Saturday, have lunch etc. then he can go to his family get together. He asked you to stay over and you couldn’t so he rightly assumed he was open to make other plans. I know you’ve said you previously stayed for dinner etc. but you had not finalised these plans or even discussed them when someone else asked him first.

Downunderduchess · 02/04/2021 07:39

He thought sex was off the agenda so made (or made up) other plans. Men are usually transparent in their motives. You get to make your own decisions just like he has.

Everythingiswonderful · 02/04/2021 07:44

@Kimye4eva

You need to put this into pandemic perspective. He will have spent minimal, if any time with his family. They’ve probably just invited him and he’s been excited at the thought of seeing them.

^this. You will be seeing him 2 days in a row. Let him have the get together with his family.

Mylovelyhorsee · 02/04/2021 08:23

Is he just supposed to sit in and do nothing if your busy? Sounds like to me he was invited to something and waited to see what your doing first and when you said no to staying over he thought ok well I’ll go to the other plans. I see nothing wrong with that. You sound a bit precious.

LoudestCat14 · 02/04/2021 08:55

I think you've overreacted. You said you couldn't stay over on Saturday but expected him to know exactly what your intentions were about when you'd leave to go home without actually articulating them! What a shame he's now cancelled seeing his family, this being the first weekend he can meet up with them now the restrictions have eased. I hope he doesn't end up resenting you for it.

LonginesPrime · 02/04/2021 09:22

You need to put this into pandemic perspective

This - YWBU to take the first weekend after lockdown restrictions are eased (which also happens to be Easter weekend) as representative of how someone is with arrangements generally.

He's been shielding - I don't think it's a comment on how serious he is about dating you that he wants to fit in a family visit after over a year of not seeing them!

BalloonSlayer · 02/04/2021 09:36

Have you slept with him yet?

I got the impression "staying over" was a euphemism for sex and if he didn't think he was going to get any then might as well see his family instead.

CuthbertDibbleandGrubb · 02/04/2021 10:03

I think you are being reasonable to be upset. I am surprised an invitation for Saturday evening given it is Easter weekend from his family would not have been made a while ago. Being busy with work makes me suspicious of bad management, depending on his job.

You seem low on his priorities or he is unable to say no to other people.

HamFisted · 02/04/2021 10:13

@CuthbertDibbleandGrubb

You seem low on his priorities or he is unable to say no to other people.

To be fair, it's a new relationship- she should be lower on his list of priorities, compared to his job and his family.

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