Did I come across as hostile/offended ?

[thatwasme22]

Male cousin and wife having a baby. Anyway me and cousin were messaging this am and I suggested visiting later:

Me:I might call over this week, stay in garden of course.

Cousin:Sorry wife very covid aware so staying safe until baby arrives.

Me: Yea grand.

I was washing dishes and was not offended so left it when half an hour later a response come in:

Cousin: Look thatwasme its's not you it's covid.

Me: Ha I know, everybody's the same. I didn't think it was.

He didn't respond but now I feel really awkward. I didn't think 'yea grand' would be interpreted as offended. Me and him are close enough to not be overly formal.

Was there a full stop at the end of the message, like how you've written it here? Some people interpret that as really rude / brusque.

no but this is a person i wouldn't have to be formal with.

He’s probably feeling guilty because it might not be about covid at all. Maybe he just wants to prioritise their immediate families?

Meh perhaps, I rarely visit, being over about 3-4 times since July and never stayed longer than 30-40 mins so it's not like I'm over all the time.

You were fine. I think he feels a bit awkward asking people to stay away so wanted to explain.

It's the manner he responded though, was quite defensive.

Perhaps he’s a bit on the defensive because he thinks his wife is being over-anxious instead of just ‘covid aware’. Bit extreme to cocoon yourself inside even if you are pregnant (and I am but for me life goes on, rent to pay, nice to see family etc etc) but her choice. My brother and his wife are the same, they don’t go out unless they have to, even though in their village there’s never been one single case of covid 🤷🏻‍♀️

The trouble with texts is that it can often be hard to judge the tone. He should know you well enough to know you wouldn't be/weren't offended but maybe he feels he needs to justify it to you? I'd not give it any more thought, it doesn't need to be awkward.

I think you both sounded a bit off but I don't know the ins and outs of your relationship.

He might've thought he was being unkind and just wanted to reassure you that it's not personal? I wouldn't worry though, it sounds innocent.

Difficult to tell really-he was just explaining himself which is fine. ‘Yea grand’ is not something I have ever heard anyone say or write so I presume that’s a response he would understand? I’d have said-‘no worries, not a problem :)’ if I were you or something along those lines.

He's probably had some annoyed responses from others so feeling like he needs to explain. Just reassure him a bit more profusely and mention you are keen to visit when she feels comfortable.

It all sounds fine to me

Cousins wife is pregnant, they don’t want visitors even to garden that’s totally fine and I have a friend who is exactly the same. Priority is baby. He’s just feeling awkward at pushing back and you should be reassuring, not being hung up on his response.

For two people who have a normal friendly relationship I don't see a problem with that exchange on either side. I think you're worrying over nothing!

Oh I read it as he was on with you being in the garden, so he doesn’t want you to go at all?

I can see how the yea grand could be taken as ‘oh great’ sarcastically.

Pick up the phone, wish them a happy weekend and say how thrilled you'll be to see them when all the restrictions are lifted and they feel safe having visitors?

Sorry. Just realised I didn't really answer your question. I think it could read either way in a text. I think he might have thought you were, so I guess its easier to phone and smooth it over. But I don't think you sounded offended, no. just that they were over sensitive.

I guess he could have misinterpreted your 'yea grand' but his second message was a bit rude if you are friends, he could have said something like "I hope you weren't disappointed and can't wait to see you once things are a bit safer" then you could have replied "No I totally understand but look forward to when we can all meet up again."

Yea grand would sound really sarcastic to me, if I'd not asked a yes/no question.

Amongst my friends, "yea grand" might be a little abrupt. But, if that's your normal communicating style, I'm sure it's fine and your cousin will knows what you meant

Are you Irish? Yea grand would be a totally normal 'that's cool' response to me

You were fine, OP. Unfortunately society expects women to write gushing posts so if you had written below you wouldn’t be called rude

‘Aww, no worries, it was my fault suggesting I coming over, I’m so sorry, of course she’d be nervous. Just let me me know whenever you guys are free, I’m free whenever. If you need any shopping let me know I’ll pick it up on the way. All the best and sorry again xxx’

Disclaimer: I hate the above text.

Neither of you were off or unreasonable.
You responded in a normal and natural way for your relationship.
He just had a bit of a wobble (like most of us do at some point in our lives ) and double checked that you understand that it’s not personal.
Nothing else to see.

It's so hard to see how someone feels/what they mean exactly via a message.

If I said 'oh fuck off @thatwasme22' you wouldn't know if I had a face like this >>>

or

or

So that's why I like emojis to be honest.

If someone texts me and says 'I'm gonna be half hour later sorry,' and I just say 'OK then,' that sounds brusque, but if I say 'OK then.' with a emoji, then that comes across completely differently.

I am not articulating this very well, but you've done nothing wrong. All you can do is stress that you weren't offended, with a smiley at the end of the message!

I would anyway!