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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not be able to feed 3 extra adults unexpectedly for lunch?

565 replies

ImFree2doasiwant · 01/04/2021 14:17

I'm single, with 2 small children. I do a weekly meal plan and shop once a week.

If 3 extra adults dropped in for lunch, I'd either be able to feed them but have to go shopping again, or not have enough food in to feed them at all.

Its not like I can't afford to, I just buy the food that we, as a family, will eat. I have a small freezer. I could probably manage dinner better.

Am I that unusual?

OP posts:
Mummyoflittledragon · 01/04/2021 17:38

@LyingWitchInTheWardrobe
Dh and I used to have a completely open house pre kids and were mercilessly taken advantage of.. and I found out after many years I was slagged off terribly by some of these people. It is at this point I decided there would be a minimum of respect or reciprocation as some people just take take take...

I do talk to dd about choosing friends. But it is hard to control her friendships especially as this girl is always inviting herself - shall I come to your house for dinner. She has no filter. The answer dd gives now is no as I don’t want to give without basic reciprocation or even a basic thanks from the mum. A child in need is different to those, who can pay for takeaways. I have explained to dd we used to do this in the past and it didn’t work out.

I do give openly. But I cannot abide cruelty and the lack of giving seems to be in the people, who have no regard for others including children other than their own. I mean their well-being/ safety. I find some people erratic and unpredictable. So it’s complicated. If it were just food, that would be separate. The mother of the second child left two 12 yo girls alone at a motorway service station (not my dd). Now the kids had walked there down a dodgy access road but weren’t allowed. She collected her dd as she considered it unsafe. But didn’t care about the other children. She drove off and phoned the parent of one of the other children to give the parent a bollocking for the child taking her dd astray.... when the child herself was the one, who apparently pestered to get a milkshake. The girls had walked a long way as the first place was shut. But you can’t challenge the mother because the NT 12 yos should know better and should look after her dd. So when a few weeks ago the girl had a boy in a trolley outside the local supermarket and was bashing it around, damaged a wall on a house etc, neither I or the other mum told her because our kids would get the blame... despite telling her she shouldn’t be doing it as she would get into trouble.

The other girl, who dd was friends with stole £1 from outside peoples houses (selling tomato plants etc for 50p) so I replaced it. Again not worth telling the mother as my dd and I wouldn’t be believed.

MrsKoala · 01/04/2021 17:40

Im thinking about it now and I think lunch is a bit harder than dinner in this circumstance. If someone has popped in they want to see you and have a chat etc and might think a sandwich is easy and quick and not an imposition (lots of people do have bread and cheese in etc). Whereas if you started defrosting things from the freezer and chopping veg and cooking pasta or rice etc you’d not really be able to socialise and they might feel they were putting you out or eating your dinner. So sandwiches kind of fit a polite social norm making the guests feel catered for but not an imposition.

Original poster
ImFree2doasiwant · 01/04/2021 17:41

I haven't read all of the answers. I think this has been exacerbated by Covid. I do one online shop per week. I dobt keep bread in my small freezer (one normal load would take up 1/6 of my freezer I think. )

I rarely get impromptu visitors at all, let alone fir lunch. So I'm not going to keep stuff in just in case.

@Doje sure if you regularly fed those people, it wsnt that unexpected?

OP posts:
thevicarstroketwice · 01/04/2021 17:42

I imagine your dad and grandparents wouldn't have been turning up out of the blue unless their car broke down nearby or something like that.

Op, how often do people call for lunch unannounced at your house?

It wouldn't make any difference for most people to have a 3 hours or a 10 minutes warning anyway. It's not like everyone can drop everything they had planned to rush to the shops.

If it's people close from me, I don't mind, but it's not that unusual to have a phone call saying they are in the neighbourhood.

It's the concept of serving sandwiches I find odd, unless it's a kids party - or some low-key business meeting dragging on, it's not really the food you serve anyone, is it.

As a guest demanding sandwiches is being a CF!

Thelnebriati · 01/04/2021 17:48

If I was dropping in on someone I'd phone ahead and ask them if there was anything I could bring. Especially during a pandemic, or if they have 3 kids.

SplendidSuns1000 · 01/04/2021 17:51

I always have a well stocked fridge, freezer and cupboards and would have enough for guests. Even if it's just a sandwich and fruit or something surely it doesn't take too much extra? I meal plan meticulously but there's always a loaf of bread in the freezer and plenty in the breadbin. I certainly wouldn't turn my nose up at the offer of toast if I dropped round unexpectedly.

Even if I don't have bread in I'll have pasta and veggies or soup and crackers. Failing that I'd stick something in the oven from the freezer.

arethereanyleftatall · 01/04/2021 17:54

@nanbread
I have zero food waste, I think almost precisely because I don't meal plan iyswim?
Because we eat from the larder and the freezer, I'll only get out what I need; other stuff stays in there. Fresh fridge stuff is the same every week.
So, I decided about 3pm I want lasagne and salad for dinner tonight. Mince from freezer, store cupboard stuff always there, salad stuff from the weekly shop.

Singlenotsingle · 01/04/2021 17:58

Egg on toast? Beans on toast? There wouldn't be anything elaborate, but something would be offered.

WarmAndFluff · 01/04/2021 18:01

I could usually rustle up something, but it would mostly be out of tins (chick peas, beans etc) with maybe some passata, cheese on top (we always have a lump of cheddar so I can get some calories into my tall, thin, vegetarian DS2) and some rice or pasta.

If they wanted something made from all fresh ingredients it might be a bit more variable!

tillyandmilly · 01/04/2021 18:07

We only have a small freezer and fridge - finances are tight and we try and just spend 50 a week on food - with small top ups during the week - so our cupboards are never full - we always have cake if anyone were to turn up unannounced in the future!

gurglebelly · 01/04/2021 18:09

We are trying to keep food waste minimal so wouldn't have enough in, and I would be furious if 3 people turned up expecting to be fed without us making plans

FangsForTheMemory · 01/04/2021 18:09

I could feed them as long as they didn't mind pasta with a really basic sauce.

midnightstar66 · 01/04/2021 18:17

I wouldn't even answer the door to three adults unexpectedly turning up never mind feed them!

Haha only on mumsnet does friends or family stopping by become a terrible offence 😆. I'm also a single parent with 2 primary age dc. I don't have a freezer. Could I provide sandwiches from regular sliced bread? No! We don't really eat that. However there's always a packet of wraps and/or pitta bread and some part baked baguettes. Always loads of cheese, cucumber, cherry toms, chorizo and hummus. Unlimited crackers. I could knock together a pasta pesto in 10 minutes or a pan of soup in half an hour. I also have a little stash of tinned soups for emergency beast from the east style snow, covid isolation, brexit/blocked canal type emergencies. I do enjoy feeding people though.

Ihatemyseleffordoingthis · 01/04/2021 18:22

I could always sort a pasta dish, and homemade soup (always have veg in, fresh and leftover veg frozen, and have a soupmaker) and knock up some breadrolls. But 2 adults and 3 young teens here so its never going to work to not have extra in.

SarahBellam · 01/04/2021 18:24

I could easily rustle up a homemade lentil soup with croutons.

Oblomov21 · 01/04/2021 18:26

Unusual? I think so. Most people have plenty of food in, money allowing.

Depends if you are low income.

We could eat for weeks with what I have in the cupboards and freezer. All my friends have tonnes/similar amount to Me.

Did you see the Christmas fridge thread? One of my most favourite threads ever. Nearly everyone's was full to bursting. Most people said they always had a full fridge.

Thisseatisnotavailable · 01/04/2021 18:27

I might be able to knock up a cheese omelette, or a soup if enough time, and we usually always have pasta and probably enough in the cupboards to do a tomato based sauce but it wouldn't be anything special.

We wouldn't have enough stuff to make rounds of sandwiches though as we don't often eat them.

Royalbloo · 01/04/2021 18:27

I've been there - I once had £100 a month to spend on food and that was that. I understand x

Royalbloo · 01/04/2021 18:28

I know even that may be a lot to some people x

beginningoftheend · 01/04/2021 18:29

I could but would be annoyed if I had to - I tend to menu plan and we never have anything very quick in the cupboards so it could be a bit of an effort.

NotMeekNotObedient · 01/04/2021 18:30

I wouldn't really. I meal plan. Having said that I do batch cook so usually make double - so I could even out a meal for 4 to 5. Especially if served with a side salad (even if it is a bean one made from cans). Or I'd make a store cuboard-ish meal like macaroni cheese.

Lunchtimes I'd struggle more as I dont shop often to buy bread - usually have soup or salad for lunch. But I could do soup from a can I guess as they wouldn't use so much bread.

I keep in UHT milk, plenty of pasta, a jar of pesto etc. Sometimes I keep those 'cook rolls' in.

I usually plan for one 'oops' meal every two weeks - like when I've forgotten to take something out of the freezer. Tuna stir fry, mac & cheese, tuna pasta bake etc.

Biffsboys · 01/04/2021 18:31

I could rustle up some pasta or omelettes. We’re the same in that we don’t eat much bread so never lots of it in the house .

SpeakingFranglais · 01/04/2021 18:35

of course YANBU if you are a single parent with two little ones and small freezer space.

I could feed another five for a week without shopping again but I am much older, have a big larder cupboard, probably more disposable income and an extra fridge and freezer in the garage.

When I was young I couldn't either.

JackieTheFart · 01/04/2021 18:35

I would easily be able to accommodate something easy like sandwiches, and I’d probably have enough in the way of potatoes/rice/pasta to bulk out a dinner.

It hasn’t always been like this though. A few years ago I would have struggled.

Enb76 · 01/04/2021 18:35

My store cupboard meal is porcini risotto - I have about 2 boxes of arborio rice and at least 3 bags of dried porcini I could feed about 8 people if they came to the house unexpectedly but crucially I wouldn't have enough wine in and I would have to use some of it for the risotto.

I wouldn't be best pleased!