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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not be able to feed 3 extra adults unexpectedly for lunch?

565 replies

ImFree2doasiwant · 01/04/2021 14:17

I'm single, with 2 small children. I do a weekly meal plan and shop once a week.

If 3 extra adults dropped in for lunch, I'd either be able to feed them but have to go shopping again, or not have enough food in to feed them at all.

Its not like I can't afford to, I just buy the food that we, as a family, will eat. I have a small freezer. I could probably manage dinner better.

Am I that unusual?

OP posts:

1forAll74 · 01/04/2021 18:37

No,wouldn't feed any people who just dropped in, I always have food in, but don't want to be bothered cooking for anyone, I would suggest they go to the nearest Chippy. I would feed any family member though, but not other people..

EmmaGrundyForPM · 01/04/2021 18:41

Yes, I could but I recognise that I'm in a privileged position in being able to do so.

We always have pasta, pesto, eggs, part baked bread, frozen veg etc so I could do soup with bread, pasta and pesto, scrambled eggs or egg mayonnaise. If it was the w/e or early part of the week then we would have quite a bit of fresh stuff in the fridge as well.

The meal I would find most difficult to produce at short notice is breakfast as we don't have spare bread in the freezer as we only get through a loaf a week. Ds2 was forever bringing friends home late at night to crash at ours and I would struggle to produce enough toast in the morning. Luckily the village shop opens at 7am and they were never up before 10.

Moonface123 · 01/04/2021 18:41

I probably could at a stretch, nothing elaborate but I have two teenage sons who eat for England,. but l totally understand why you couldnt. To be honest if l turned up unexpectedly at someone's house l would not expect to eat.

littlefireseverywhere · 01/04/2021 18:43

We have enough food in, even at the end of the week, I shop weekly for food. But four of us live here, so there's always something, it might just be pasta or a rice dish for example. But if I lived alone or there were only 2 adults plus a toddler then I might not have enough food in for 3 extras. My teens go through phases of eating alot and then not much at all, so we've always something.

SpareBib · 01/04/2021 18:44

I can always make a nice lunch for 8 - with random stuff from the freezer and store cupboard. But not sandwiches without notice as I don't keep a lot of bread in. Why do they have to have sandwiches?

Branleuse · 01/04/2021 18:48

i could. My cupboards and fridge always have to have loads in otherwise im twitchy

Mintjulia · 01/04/2021 18:48

Yanbu. I shop for the week too, for me and ds.

In the summer it's easier - cheese and egg salad with garlic croutons and whatever was in the salad drawer.

But winter lunch, err, garlicky tomato & bacon pasta would be my limit.

People should text first.

Howshouldibehave · 01/04/2021 18:49

I rarely get impromptu visitors at all, let alone fir lunch. So I'm not going to keep stuff in just in case.

Has anyone asked you to?

What’s the back story to this post, @ImFree2doasiwant-have people turned up unexpectedly and complained that you haven’t got enough in because they refuse to eat anything other than sandwiches? Or are you just idly wondering if other people could rustle up (only) sandwiches?

This post talking about 3 people and sandwiches rather than just a general, ‘could you rustle up a meal for a few extras?’ type thing, make me think this is a very precise situation that has happened. It might be useful to expand on it, in order to get more relevant answers. Has someone complained and said you should have had more food in, even though you didn’t know they were coming?

butterry · 01/04/2021 18:51

I find it confusing that you would have guests unexpectedly and more so that they might expect a proper meal! I don't think we are the type of household to even have someone drop in for tea/coffee without contacting us first. We generally meet friends and family outside somewhere and if a meal is at home it has been pre-arranged. I think it's a bit rude to suddenly show up at someone's house.

I could definitely knock something together from store cupboard ingredients but would be more likely to call for a takeaway if such circumstances arose than faff about in the kitchen!

Shinyletsbebadguys · 01/04/2021 18:53

I sort of understand where you are coming from OP but in our case it swapped. When we had plenty of money I was a bit more free to shop daily for whatever we fancied. When covid hit I lost my job and things got really really tight (finally starting a new job in a couple of weeks so hopefully the end is in sight). Because we had to budget every single penny my DP bought us a chest freezer ( mainly as DF had a massive brexit panic and was concerned there would be looting in the streets ) and we stocked the freezer for the month.

So yes I would have spare food but at the end of that month it would have to be accounted for carefully, I physically would have been able to feed a lot of people but 2 weeks later I would have missed a meal.

We culturally have very much been brought up to offer food. Even when we can't afford it but its so ingrained that we can't help ourselves

Thank all that is holy that we never had visitors , there were enough times DP and I had to ration our food to every other day so that the dc could eat well.

When we were wealthier though we literally would not have had easy food there. We rarely eat bread etc .

Camomila · 01/04/2021 18:54

I'm from one of the "likes feeding people" cultures, there is always spare pasta in my house. The sauce might not always be very exciting though.

AmelieTaylor · 01/04/2021 18:55

Would be interested to know your food waste vs people who meal plan

@arethereanyleftatall

I don't meal plan. I hate it. I just shop for 'food' and make what I'm in the mood for/can be bothered doing.

I don't waste food.

ILoveShula · 01/04/2021 18:56

Some friends came round. I offered them tea or coffee.
I didn't have sugar.

AmelieTaylor · 01/04/2021 18:59

Sorry that was to @nanbread, I intended to say, I'm like @arethereanyleftatall

It's funny because I'm a planner & list maker in every other respect, but hate having meals planned.

SixDegrees · 01/04/2021 19:01

I see now that OP’s talking specifically about sandwiches.

I really think that anyone turning up unexpectedly at lunchtime and wanting feeding has a right cheek if they’re complaining about sandwiches being unavailable. Someone turns up for a meal without warning, they should accept whatever food can be rustled together at short notice. Regardless of whether it fits their idea of a proper lunchtime meal.

As for sandwiches here - DH toasted the last of our sliced bread for his breakfast, and I’ve not been to the shops today so no loaf of bread here. However I spotted some part baked baguettes in the freezer earlier, so I could provide some cheese baguettes if necessary.
But it’d still be cheeky of an unexpected guest to be demanding that specifically.

Thewinterofdiscontent · 01/04/2021 19:04

Same as you Op. I have a supermarket delivery once a week on a Sunday so we can eat up all the left overs on Saturday.
It’s just me and DS and we are out during the day ,so fresh basics like bread and milk are minimal.
I only have one cupboard for tins and a small freezer. I’m not inhospitable and always offer drinks and possibly a snack but it’s often very difficult unless people are over long enough for me to cook something from scratch.. I don’t have biscuits , crisps/ breadsticks or cake in quantities to feed anyone but DS that week for example.

In fact neither DS or I even take sugar in hot drinks so I don’t even have sugar unless it’s caster sugar for baking! Luckily we hardly have visitors as it’s easier to meet friends for a dog walk or something.

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 01/04/2021 19:04

It’d depend on what sort of meal you mean.
I did once feed 2 unexpected adult big eaters, because I happened to have a whopping great cauliflower, plus plenty of macaroni, milk and cheese.

I could nearly always make one of my ‘signature’ main course soups, though - assorted veg, red lentils, pearl barley, etc., with bread and plenty of grated cheese. Ditto a very filling minestrone.

FredtheCatsMum · 01/04/2021 19:12

I live alone, with a small fridge and tiny freezer box. If unexpected guests need a meal, I'd get pizza.

I do normally have reasonable stocks of wine :-)

Doje · 01/04/2021 19:19

@ImFree2doasiwant

I haven't read all of the answers. I think this has been exacerbated by Covid. I do one online shop per week. I dobt keep bread in my small freezer (one normal load would take up 1/6 of my freezer I think. )

I rarely get impromptu visitors at all, let alone fir lunch. So I'm not going to keep stuff in just in case.

@Doje sure if you regularly fed those people, it wsnt that unexpected?

I suppose not that unexpected, but I didn't ever 'plan' to feed them as such, I just always have pasta, tins of tuna and mayonnaise in the cupboards.

coogee · 01/04/2021 19:26

I find it confusing that you would have guests unexpectedly and more so that they might expect a proper meal!

Pre covid it happened to us quite often. They might not have had the expectation of a proper meal, but they got one whether they wanted it or not.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe · 01/04/2021 19:31

Mummyoflittledragon I absolutely understand, it must have been excruciating for your daughter and really painful for you because of that.

We've not had friends calling because of covid but when this relaxes, I think we'll be having them too. It's really difficult because some of the children who will always say 'yes' to everything may or may not have parents (usually mothers) who would - or could - reciprocate and it's really hard to know why.

I can remember one of my good friends at school, lived in a lovely house but always wanted to be with me in my very ordinary semi on an estate and I never had invitations back there. My mum didn't mind, this girl was nice but the reality (which I had no idea about) was that her dad was a drinker and always at home with a terrible temper. Appearances really don't mean a thing.

You obviously have a welcoming home. It's tricky I mean, whom would you ask about why your daughter has no invitation back? Your daughter? Her friend? Her mum? Very difficult.

If my daughter runs into this problem I'll accommodate it about 50% of the time I think - anymore and I'd ask questions but goodness it's tricky. If the friend is nice then I think I'd just assume something going on at home and not mind - I wouldn't offer more than I wanted to though and it sounds to me as if your nice home has become the place to be, bit by bit.

lockdownalli · 01/04/2021 19:44

Well if I had three adults turn up out of the blue they wouldn't get past the front door as i don't allow "popper inners"

However, if they managed to sneak in, they would be very disappointed if they only ate sandwiches as I never buy bread........

Method · 01/04/2021 19:47

See when I was a kid family would just turn up unexpected. They wouldn't expect to be fed, but we would insist. My mum would not have a thing in the fridge. We would make a big dish of pasta, often with nothing but a bit of butter, salt and pepper in it, cheese if you were lucky. No one minded, it was about the company.

SchrodingersImmigrant · 01/04/2021 19:56

I don't meal plan, always have plenty in freezer and cupboards, but don't have foo waste. I could feed 3 wxtra, but not sandwiches. Open faced sandwiches yes😁
But I rarely get unexpected guests just turning up randomly it's more impromptu "Come over now then".

forinborin · 01/04/2021 19:56

I had 20kg of bread flour as an embarrassing example.
What's embarrassing about it! I had 50

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