Can’t seem to be friends with males!

[Opal93]

So I’ve had a good friendship with a guy for over a year and we are both married. I always had the impression he was happy with his wife but recently he told me he couldn’t be friends with me anymore as he has developed big feelings for me. They are in no way reciprocated and I really don’t think I did anything to lead him on accidentally. Thing is, it’s not the first time it’s happened. Every single male friend I’ve ever had has ended in this situation, and the friendships haven’t survived it. In fact the only male friend I have left is gay so it’s not going to happen with him. I’m not flirtatious or tactile and I make it abundantly clear I love my DH, so I don’t think I am doing anything to lead them on and mutual friends and even my DH has verified this. I also don’t think I’m anything special looks wise. I don’t know where I’m going wrong. AIBU to think that for some straight men it’s impossible to be platonic friends with a woman?

That's a shame, but ultimately it's not your fault and I don't see how or why you should be the one to "fix" it. Friendships with women are pretty awesome so you shouldn't be lonely. Just don't do that MN thing where you stay "friends" with someone you can't stand and who clearly can't stand you either and then wonder why it's all so complicated and unpleasant.

I totally agree. I was once saying to my husband how many boys over the years I'd been really good friends with and they always wanted it to be something more, I didn't and I used to feel guilty afterwards in case I led them on but I didn't. A couple of. times I also felt angry that they had to turn it romantic. He said him and all the blokes he knows are rarely just friends with girls. Obviously some people will come along and say they've have a male best friend for years etc. But it's rare.

And I'm nothing special! Just a normal woman.

Yeah, all the men I've been friends with have ended up hitting on me. I'm normal looking too. It's really sad that many men can't manage platonic friendships. I only hang out with male friends in groups now, and don't do one-to-one stuff with them. I miss having proper male friends, because I love man chat / banter! But it's not worth the hassle.

I’m the same OP. I often feel sad about make friendships that I used to have- I miss them. I also get the anger over it too. I’ve had long standing friendships with men who have years later hit on me or declared love etc and I’ve felt then like our whole friendship must’ve been a lie. I’ve felt cheated each time.

I think this is why I struggle to believe true platonic friendships between men and women exist. I know they do as people on here are forever referencing those type of friendships, but sadly it’s never happened to me.

DH has a few female friends, I’m fine with them, have had them to stay for weekends etc and gone off and done my own thing and let DH have some time with them, but deep down I’m always a bit sceptical that there could be something more in it for at least one of them!

According to MN it is perfectly fine for a man and a woman to be just friends. Yet on this thread we have women saying that each time the man has developed feeling. Funny that.

Ooooooooooooooookaaaaaaaaaaaaay.

@ILoveShula

According to MN it is perfectly fine for a man and a woman to be just friends. Yet on this thread we have women saying that each time the man has developed feeling. Funny that.

I know right. Every man I have ever met has wanted to shag me. Every single one dontcha know? Coz I am a SIREN. Hot and sexy as fuuuuuuuk!

Grow up @littlepattilou.

I'm obviously really ugly and undesirable. I have loads of male, married friends that I've happily known for years and there is nothing at all going on from either side. Maybe because I'm friends with adults.

@PricklesAndSpikes, are you single?

Wow. Couple of nasty posters popping up. It's possible to disagree with the OP's experience without being a dick about it.

[quote ILoveShula]@PricklesAndSpikes, are you single?[/quote]
Nope. Why?

That'll be why they are not hitting on you.
If you split up from your DP/DH, then they would strike.

You would be surprised.

Also happens to me.

I think with me it's as I'm a good listener so often provide someone safe and understanding to talk to.

It's part of who I am as the same with female friends.

@ILoveShula

That'll be why they are not hitting on you. If you split up from your DP/DH, then they would strike.

You would be surprised.

Erm, the OP states she is married and makes it clear to everyone she loves her DH. I love my DH but I don't go round telling my male friends. What's you answer to that then?!

I'm single and it's never happened to me. I've been friend with some guys for 15 years and at various points we've both been single.

My best friend is male. We’ve been best friends for way over a decade. We are both married with kids.

And no, he wouldn’t ‘strike’ if I was single. We have both been single at many points at the same time. Friends can be just friends.

There's no point arguing.
Wait until one of your friends get divorced and see who's DH makes a move.

YANBU.

Unfortunately, I have experienced the same. Any male that has invested any effort into a friendship with me has, even if it took years, eventually tried to get more out of the friendship when the occasion arose. I am in a long term relationship and I'm not particularly attractive. I'm not saying this is always the case, im sure there are men who can invest time and effort into a friendship with a women without another motive.

Every male mate I've ever had has ended up the same way. Inc dh whom I've been with 18 years!

Tbf, this was when I was younger. I don't have male mates now, mainly because I much prefer the company of women.

Most of my friends are male and I'm close with lots of DH's male friends and although some have suggested they have feelings for me in the past it's quite easy for us to just ignore it and stay friends. The only time a friend's crush ruined our friendship was when he tried to convince me my DH was cheating on me!

I have many male friends who are completely platonic and we've been friends for years.

@ILoveShula

There's no point arguing. Wait until one of your friends get divorced and see who's DH makes a move.

I think you may be projecting your own experiences here, you have to understand that there other stories other than the ones you have seen, that's all I'm trying to get across, I'm not arguing...

I'm almost 50, I and my male and female friends been through breakups / divorces over the years and no-one else's DH has made any moves. Purely due to this thread, I had a quick look at my Facebook friends. I am friends with 41 men, most of whom are married. I am also off-Facebook friends with probably about 15 more that are husbands / boyfriends of other friends.

Not a single one has EVER made any move on me and I've probably known about 75% of them for over 10 years and quite a few from way before I even met my DH and was totally available!

Or are you insinuating that MY husband will be off after a newly-divorced friend? He's had several opportunities in the 20 years we have been together and although I admit you can never say never, he hasn't taken them so far!

It happened to me a fair amount when I was younger, but several of my best friends are male and straight and we just have really good friendships.