How much does your tradesman partner drink on an evening?

[2ddandabump]

How much is too much?

My partner is a self employed tradesman, like many of his friends, when the pubs were open, he used to bob into the pub on the way home for a pint or 2 before coming home. I say tradesmen, because that's who the pub was filled with, not blue collar workers (at our particular local anyway) they are all self employed roofers, joiners, brickies etc. Ever since the pubs closed my partner more often than not comes home every night with a 4 pack of larger, often the pint sized ones. He`ll drink 3 and often 4 each night. Apart from the cost and obvious health risks associated with drinking every day, I think this is excessive. He says it's no different from his friends who do a hard day's manual graft and fancy a drink on an evening. AIBU is this a lot? For info we have 2 older children (from my first marriage) and a ds age 15m together.

It is excessive. He is well above the weekly recommended levels.
How do your evenings look? Does he do his share with the toddler?

DH used to be similar and I always found it excessive and believe it impacted his overall mood a lot.
I don’t drink either so was always hard to gauge what is normal/healthy but I was never comfortable with the amount.
He gave up completely last year

I work in a pub full of tradesmen customers, and I've got to be honest they can easily drink 10+ pints in a day

it's quite alarming but sadly it does seem the norm

Though it's way over the 14 or whatever units the government have decreed, it's probably no more than he was drinking before. Except now you see it.

Best not to fret too much.

You'll never change him- those well known words- and well known because they are utterly true.

It is the daily reliance which is a worry, and it will be harder for him to absorb the effects as he gets older. If you drink that much every day your energy is going to be affected cos you will be fuzzy round the edges every evening.
But if this is a closed topic for him and he doesn't want to hear any concerns or talk about it with you then there isn't much you can do.

My DH is a builder and drinks zero alcohol of an evening. He goes through about 7 cups of tea, but no booze.

I know lots of office worker/white collar workers who have between half and a whole bottle of wine a night.

I don't think this has anything to do with his job. He has a drinking problem.

It’s a lot less than myself and friends drink, if that helps, but we know we drink too much, but everyone we work with drinks more than us!!

I think it’s more important to look at whether his relationship with alcohol is problematic. Does it affect his ability to join in with family life? Does it change his mood or personality? Does it affect his work? His relationships with other people? If so, then you need to tackle it from that angle and be fine that he cuts down on his drinking because his behaviour when he drinks is unacceptable. If not, and he has no desire to change the amount he drinks, I think it’s one of those things that you need to accept is his choice, albeit letting him know that you’re concerned for his long term health and would prefer him to think about e.g. stopping at two drinks.

Eating a family size bag of crisps in one go, or the whole pack of Haribo or a big bar of chocolate is excessive and well above recommend levels of sugar, fat and salt; but plenty of people do it and don’t think of it as a problem (until it affects their weight or gives them diabetes.) I don’t think alcohol is necessarily worse, and I don’t think that three or four pints after work is hugely unusual in jobs where there’s a culture of going for a drink with your workmates.

I dont think 4 cans a night is much really but if its every single night maybe not great? My dh will drink 8 in one night but only drinks 1/2 nights a week.

I've never met anyone who sticks to the government limits. Either people enjoy a drink and therefore have more, or they don't enjoy a drink so are basically teetotal. Then their are the alcoholics, either the drinking ones or recovered ones (so teetotal). But I have never met Someone who drank who didn't binge drink at least some of the time. So it is normal, but that doesn't mean it's ok. Daily drinking, binge drinking and functioning alcoholism are all so common place it can be hard to tell when a problem is forming, though

I am with @incandescentglow, I also worked in a pub called The Grafters, ( even going back 100 + years its main customers were farriers , blacksmiths , miners , road workers etc hence the name ) when I worked there , around 15 years ago it was mostly building site labours , and road workers and yes they could put their beer away ! Most would drink 5 or 6 pints without any problems on a week day more on a friday and if pay day fell on a Friday it was beer and take always from 7pm till closing .

Yes it is excessive and way above the guidelines. however I have never seen a fitter healthier bunch of guys , and a couple of ladies than them , most of them were in their late 30s to mid 50s but we had a older guys too some into there mid / late 60 and one fella when I left he was still working 5 days a week in all weather at 72 .He got the , very gentle mick took when he packed in working weekends from the whippersnappers ( his words , when talking to the 50 + yr olds )
So while I would not condone it , for some that have a very demanding physical job , it doesn't seem to be a issue

My tradesman husband only drinks at home if it’s to be social. Like if we share a bottle of wine or have a beer in the garden in the summer. He never goes to the pub after work, unless he feels he has to for an occasion which may be once a year. He always says he would rather come home and spend it with the kids before they go to bed. I suppose it depends, on top of that I think he is shattered and feels dirty.
4 every night does sound excessive to me, but I suppose it’s what he is used to when he goes to the pub. Does he still spend enough time with your and your ds? I think personally, it would bother me if he was coming home, not interacting with us and drinking.

*My DH is a builder and drinks zero alcohol of an evening. He goes through about 7 cups of tea, but no booze.

I know lots of office worker/white collar workers who have between half and a whole bottle of wine a night.

I don't think this has anything to do with his job. He has a drinking problem.*

This.

My DH is a builder too and actually has had a cold can of cider with his tea tonight because it’s been boiling here today but this is rare for him during the week. Plus, he only has the cider as someone bought it for him as a thank you for doing a job. We don’t usually drink in the week.

I don’t think I’ve ever seen my husband drink three or four cans in one go at home and can’t imagine him doing this and going to work the next day. Your partner is drinking too much too regularly.

We ain’t big drinkers at home though. We hardly ever drink whilst at home with the kids. They still don’t sleep through either so it’s hard work. But saying that I have family who probably drink around the same every night after work.
To me, it isn’t normal but to others it’s probably fine.

The worry for me, if this is how much he's always had to drink of an evening, is how he used to get home from the pub after "a few" beers. Hope you live nearby!

Mine is similar (if not worse) than yours op. It’s crap 😔

Dh is on building sites all day.He drinks a bottle of red on a Friday usually but with it being a 4 day easter weekend he'll have a good drink probably 3 of those 4 nights.He works hard but doesn't like to be foggy headed for work as he gets up at 5.30am

Brickie DH. Drinks 3 small Katie's (cider) on a Sat night and once in a blue moon might have one on a friday. Doesn't go near a pub from month to month.

His partner? Shit loads of alcohol every night. Plus weed. On site. So much so that his work is getting worse and worse. Don't know what to do about him.

Our electrician ALWAYS smells of fresh alcohol. No matter what time he comes round (house build). God knows how he knows which wire's which sometimes - but he is good

@nimbuscloud

It is excessive. He is well above the weekly recommended levels. How do your evenings look? Does he do his share with the toddler?

He does help yes and no. He's best when he comes in and I feel deteriorates the more he drinks, say if he has 3 beers before we've eaten tea. I guess I feel irritated that he's falling asleep around 8:30/9pm on the sofa, possibly due to drinking, possibly due to doing a physically demanding job? Whilst I'm still sorting out the older ones (12&10) who go to bed later, doing lunches, packing nursery bags etc... I'm knackered as well and would love to fall asleep on the sofa!

@SnarkyBag

DH used to be similar and I always found it excessive and believe it impacted his overall mood a lot. I don’t drink either so was always hard to gauge what is normal/healthy but I was never comfortable with the amount. He gave up completely last year

I feel it impacts in his mood also, he becomes dopey and sleepy and grumpier, although he would claim that is just not true.

It’s too much but it’s for him to realise sadly. Trouble is, one minute you’re drinking that much no problem, the next you are vomiting blood in A&E with a ruptured ulcer with no idea why 🤷‍♀️

It’s not good for the older children to be seeing this.
I guess you have decisions to make. Will he listen to your concerns?

When I met DP he was at least 4 pints and night, maybe 10 once a week and only then was slightly merry. I don’t drink, I prefer chocolate. He now drinks two small bottle of beer a night max.
It is tradesman in the pub thing as they network there.

I don’t really think his job is relevant as it doesn’t affect the level at which drinking becomes harmful. Which is the worry, rather than “do other people in the same job do it?”. That doesn’t really matter as they could all be problem drinkers.

However, Jm torn because it does actually make a post easier to read when the Op adds some detail, rather than just saying “job” or “hobby” as if it’s terribly outing.