To leave this job before starting? Urgent :(

[Spider2017]

I got a new job around a month ago, which comes with mandatory paid training for the first month. I don’t want to be too outing, but it’s care related, involving working with vulnerable adults.

I already have prior training and experience in this area, so I was feeling fairly confident about my abilities, but I have just been contacted by my manager that they cannot mark my training as completed as I haven’t demonstrated the necessary skills they referred to one day where I was shadowing a more senior staff member, who apparently has given really bad feedback about me, and told my manager that I have a cold/unkind attitude. I didn’t have this feedback from anyone else I’ve shadowed or worked with during the training, and I’ve never had that feedback at all in my career. It’s left me feeling quite deflated.

On a call to discuss this, i said I was happy to take the feedback on board and be more mindful of my attitude but that I was surprised to hear that feedback. My manager took that as me being ‘unable to reflect on my provision’

I genuinely have reflected on the day the bad feedback was referring to, and nothing notable happened at all. The staff member I was shadowing was quite unfriendly and seemed to want to pick holes in everything.

My manager has said I will need to redo another week of training so I can demonstrate more warmth, but I’m not sure if I want to proceed at all anymore, I feel like the feedback was quite unfair, didn’t have any real rationale (no examples of my unkind behaviour were given ) and it’s put me off the company quite a lot.

I feel a bit gutted as I want to do a nursing course and this experience would be really good for my CV, but I’m truly dreading another week where I know I will be scrutinised even more as they’ve marked me down as being uncaring I could financially afford to not take this job and keep looking, but the company is well known and respected.

Any words of wisdom welcome please! I’m feeling really torn and quite upset.

Tbh it depends how much you need the work

You might have come across that nasty person who just wants to cause trouble

But if training is paid, and passing it means bowing and scraping and smiling, then that's the deal with many jobs.

Some jobs, with criticism, you just have to agree in order to get paid.

Depends if you will have to work again with this person who gave you the feedback. If you are genuinely sure that there were no issues on your part (and no specific examples given would suggest that) then I would be thinking very hard about whether I wanted to work with someone like that in my team - are they going to keep making life difficult for you?
There are a lot of caring roles available at the moment so it shouldn’t be too difficult to find something else.
Whereabouts in the country are you?

I think it's unfair to give you negative feedback without providing specific examples. At my work (admittedly a very different environment) we have to be specific and timely I.e. raise it at the time, even if it's then followed up at a later point, and give actual examples. Saying "they are xyz" is an opinion not a fact. Although I appreciate working in care then much of it is "how" you work (attitude, warmth etc) but can still give specifics.
Take some time to think through how you feel. What you will do if you don't go back. Etc. Sending a hug as it's difficult getting negative feedback but it sounds like you responded well about taking it on board.

I'd do the week and kill it.

YANBU.... Whether you need the money or you don’t. No job not is worth you dreading going to work which will probably happen. If it’s bad in the early days Lord alone can only imagine what it’ll be like after a few weeks.
Get out now while you can. Don’t wait until you’re throwing up with nerves the night before dreading going in to work.

I would be asking why they are taking this feedback from ONE person compared to the feedback from all the others?

But that might not be your best move 🤣

If it's paid 'training' & it'll be good for your CV then I'd try to 'put up & shut up' for my own benefit (baring in mind I could tell them
to shove it at any time)

But I would refuse to be 'assessed' by the same person again.

The person who gave you the negative feed back sounds like a little Hitler to be honest.

YANBU. The staff member in question may have been having a rough day or they may have a problem with newbies. I am a registered nurse and unfortunately you do encounter people like this from time to time in this profession. However, you are currently in a position to be choosy as the country is crying out for care staff, so you should have no problems whatsoever finding work, especially with your experience. First impressions are important both ways and it's concerning that they are not able to provide specific feedback and are just basing all of this of the word on one person without evidence. It makes me question how you would be managed in the future. I would not personally want to continue somewhere that had already left a bad taste in my mouth and I would be wary about working alongside that particular staff member. However if you need the money imminently, I would say give it a chance but just be very mindful of what has already happened and be open to other work. Good luck, I'm sure you will make a great nurse!

It sounds like you won’t pass the training anyway. Or will be managed out of you do.

I’d leave.

Not a good start

The manager obviously respects the person giving the feedback as she’s taken it very seriously

So in 4 weeks of training you've had 1 negative report if I'm reading this correctly? And the consequence is to redo a full week? You've said you have previous experience in a similar field with no similar feedback? having reflected on the day you can't think of anything amiss and they have been unable to provide specific examples? If all this is correct, don't go back. Loads of care jobs available, life's too short

If you do the extra week of training you need to insist on more detail about the criticisms made about you, with examples of what happened and what you should have done to get a better report. Otherwise, there's no point redoing the training.

If the person who gave you the bad report can't provide examples then that tells you whether you want to work with them or not.

I'd ask for specific examples of the 'uncaring' attitude you showed, but yes, I'd also think about looking around for something else. It can be really deflating to be given negative feedback - but maybe the senior staff member was just having a bad day... Will you have to work with them again?

Thank you for all the replies. In terms of working with the staff member who gave negative feedback - it’s unlikely we will cross paths again for any significant period of time. My manager has said that if I do the extra week it will be next week, and emphasised that they think I am capable of passing it, but they essentially need to box tick that I have been given feedback, taken it on board and demonstrated in my provision following the feedback that I am capable.

There are loads of care roles at the moment, but this one has hours etc which work well for me - I know once I’m actually working I will be okay, but I feel quite put out that I already seem to unfairly have an ‘uncaring’ reputation

I’d leave and go elsewhere. Care work is quite easy to find.

That does seem odd, it's unlikely you're genuinely cold they may have misinterpreted you getting on with your task as you being too clinical about it. Perhaps you could ask them for some more detail and pointers on what they think you could do better- maybe they're used to staff who are like children's tv presenters with unlimited energy?

just redo it - you never know, you MAY have demonstrated something that they were not sure about and perhaps the training will help you.
It certainly cannot do you any harm.

I think I would redo the training and then and maybe you’ll get a chance to ask questions with a trainer about what exactly they were looking for and how you could effectively demonstrate how utterly fabulous you are at that and be all enthusiastic!

A couple of questions OP

1. How many people were you shadowing / gave you feed back?
2. Was ALL the other feedback good or was there any feedback that was even slightly negative?

If the answer to Q1 is say 6 people and the answer the Q2 was all was good apart from the 1 negative then i would perhaps be inclined to say you are not keen on repeating the training as you have proven yourself with a clear majority of positive feedback. Now they may say you have to in order to be signed off so think hard what your response would be. Im always accused of shooting from the hip so i would probably, in your position, tell them you have proven yourself with a clear majority of positive feedback and if they insist you repeat the training based on 1 persons negative feedback without constructive reasons for that feedback then you withdraw from the position as you dont want to work for a company who puts more emphasis on 1 individuals negavite and unconstructive feedback rather than a clear overwhelming majority positive feedback.

May not help but thats what i would do. There is nothing worse than working with dickheads and if someone gives you negative reviews without reasons they are a dickhead.

I would leave.

The feedback was unhelpful in that it was vague and unconstructive. If they can't give examples of your demonstrating a "cold/unkind attitude" then how can they expect you to reflect on how to do things differently? It speaks volumes about them, not you.

Absolutely go elsewhere and don't subject yourself to this if you don't have to. There is plenty of care work available at the moment especially if you have past experience.

It would look better on your CV to have a longer happier job rather than this, which may end up being a short and unhappy period from the sound of things.

I would also ask for examples of your uncaring attitude, but couch it in a positive way in that you want to learn and take on board their feedback. If they can't come up with examples, can you ask them scenario based examples and ask for pointers on how to do it better (thus showing how you actually approached it too) e.g. 'when I was caring for patient x and offered them care in this way (give an example of what you did that day showing your caring nature), how could I do it better next time?'

If you want to be a nurse, do have a look at healthcare assistant (HCA) positions within the NHS, that may be an interesting option too.

This sounds a bit funny and I know you haven't mentioned it so it may not be the case, but are you BAME by any chance?

I just know a number of black women who've had similar feedback about things like not smiling enough (!) and it does occur to me that at times negative feedback that doesn't come with specific examples but is more general can have an element of racism.

In your circumstances I wouldn't take the job. They sound so negative and critical and that's before you've even started. Then you don't have to even mention it on your CV.