To leave this job before starting? Urgent :(

[Spider2017]

I got a new job around a month ago, which comes with mandatory paid training for the first month. I don’t want to be too outing, but it’s care related, involving working with vulnerable adults.

I already have prior training and experience in this area, so I was feeling fairly confident about my abilities, but I have just been contacted by my manager that they cannot mark my training as completed as I haven’t demonstrated the necessary skills they referred to one day where I was shadowing a more senior staff member, who apparently has given really bad feedback about me, and told my manager that I have a cold/unkind attitude. I didn’t have this feedback from anyone else I’ve shadowed or worked with during the training, and I’ve never had that feedback at all in my career. It’s left me feeling quite deflated.

On a call to discuss this, i said I was happy to take the feedback on board and be more mindful of my attitude but that I was surprised to hear that feedback. My manager took that as me being ‘unable to reflect on my provision’

I genuinely have reflected on the day the bad feedback was referring to, and nothing notable happened at all. The staff member I was shadowing was quite unfriendly and seemed to want to pick holes in everything.

My manager has said I will need to redo another week of training so I can demonstrate more warmth, but I’m not sure if I want to proceed at all anymore, I feel like the feedback was quite unfair, didn’t have any real rationale (no examples of my unkind behaviour were given ) and it’s put me off the company quite a lot.

I feel a bit gutted as I want to do a nursing course and this experience would be really good for my CV, but I’m truly dreading another week where I know I will be scrutinised even more as they’ve marked me down as being uncaring I could financially afford to not take this job and keep looking, but the company is well known and respected.

Any words of wisdom welcome please! I’m feeling really torn and quite upset.

I should note that when my friends asked for specific examples, they were then accused of being aggressive in doing so!

You cant reflect on your attitude without any details about what that attitude was?! Id be tempted to give it another shot just to show them that it was nonsense. These things happen.

They are actually falling over themselves right now to find good quality care workers atm so don't feel like you have to take on this role if as you say you would still be fine without the income immediately. Chalk it up to one of those things and don't let it get you down if as you say you've a pretty good background.

I would do the training next week for experience BUT... if you get ONE WHIFF that they are using you to make up numbers in the care setting you are training at or are judging you unfairly then leave.

After your update, I'd stay. You won't meet her again, and they are only doing it as a box-ticking exercise, implying that they don't give much credance to her report, but have to be seen to be doing things right (even though there was very likely not anything that needed to be 'corrected' - they know this)
Stay - the hours etc suit you, and once you've done the week, you'll be fine!
Good luck, carers do an amazing job.

Go back. It's one week. Hours to suit. Part of your work goals. I know it's hard, but seriously, chin up, smile on and get it over with

In other words, YOU give THEM a second chance.

I'd just smile and nod and do the extra week. As you said, you're unlikely to see her again.

I say things like "Ok, thank you so much for the feedback. I'll work on that". I once got feedback that a customer thought I was too polite. What can you do about that? People can be weird.

@Spider2017

Thank you for all the replies. In terms of working with the staff member who gave negative feedback - it’s unlikely we will cross paths again for any significant period of time. My manager has said that if I do the extra week it will be next week, and emphasised that they think I am capable of passing it, but they essentially need to box tick that I have been given feedback, taken it on board and demonstrated in my provision following the feedback that I am capable.

There are loads of care roles at the moment, but this one has hours etc which work well for me - I know once I’m actually working I will be okay, but I feel quite put out that I already seem to unfairly have an ‘uncaring’ reputation

It almost does sound as if it is a tick box exercise but one that they have to follow . Perhaps even the manager knows this person is a bit harsh but once it's out there they have to follow the rules. If it works for you in the long plan then I would give it a go . What is a week after all ?

I'd think about how it will affect your cv. Is it better to leave now or, potentially, to leave in 2 months because you don't like the company or they don't like you, and sack you? My guess is that it would be better to leave now and start afresh somewhere else, assuming you won't need to mention the first company.

"mandatory paid training"

Does this mean they're paying you, or you're paying them?

I think you should suck it up and build up your resilience.
If you are serious about nurse training you will have loads of observations so dealing with this now will stand you in good stead
I had teacher training feedback at an FE college that I didn't agree with. The suggestion was that I should have split up the class to ensure that students with the same culture should not sit together. I didn't agree at all. I needed to pass the course though!

Can you expand a bit more on the conversation when you said you were surprised to hear the feedback and this was noted down as you being “unable to reflect on your provision”? I ask because who would ever say “oh, I’m not surprised that X said that, I was in quite a miserable mood that day and realised I was coming across cold but couldn’t be bothered trying harder”. Everyone is going to say they were surprised to hear something negative, surely? Otherwise it’s admitting you knew you were doing badly and did nothing about it.

Go back. It's one week. Hours to suit. Part of your work goals. I know it's hard, but seriously, chin up, smile on and get it over with

Actually I cancel what I said to second this comment.

Don't take it personally. Otherwise you are shooting yourself with another arrow.
First arrow - someone gives you negative feedback.
Second arrow - you shoot yourself with another arrow, cause yourself a grevious injury and lie down on the road feeling sorry for yourself. Instead of picking up the bow and arrow and carrying on your journey to where you want to go.
Maybe the other person was having a very bad day and took it out on you. Maybe they wanted their friend to get the job, who knows.
Do the extra week and then make your decision. Don't let yourself be defined by one event. Transcend this and carry on. Don't doubt yourself. They wouldn't have offered you another week if you were that far off the mark. Maybe they are short staffed next week and need the help!

What pp said about reslience. You want to be a nurse - you will be picked at, criticised, monitored, judged.

Sometimes you will get useful feedback that will be justified and will help you grow in your role. Sometimes you will get feedback that you will disagree with, will feel unfair, that will make you doubt you're in the right job.

You've got to pick your battles, roll with the punches, see the bigger picture

Hmm, I think I would focus on bigger picture. If the role and the company look good on your CV for your future career, I would suck it up. For now at least - I would be keeping an eye on how they treated me going forward..

I think it depends if you really do come across as cold/uncaring or whether it's just an off the cuff response.

Care work is difficult enough without already being stung over some vague instance of 'unprofessional behaviour' that they cannot even give examples of. Firstly, how are you mean to improve yourself in the following training if you do not know exactly what the issue is? Secondly, if you do stick with it and then apply for nursing, I'd be worried any references they would give.

If you can afford to, I'd look elsewhere. Tell them firmly that you are grateful for the opportunity, but cannot work for a company that will not set out specific targets of improvement - improvements they decided on one person's feedback where there is no evidence from elsewhere to verify your supposed mistakes.

@Hankunamatata

I'd do the week and kill it.

What an excellent attitude and excellent advice.

I would not continue - the person who gave feedback sounds a pita and if you were all caring would probably give negative feedback about that - we talk about red flags at the beginning of relationships well same can apply to jobs - if you are not desperate, look elsewhere. Your manager is still taking the feedback onboard as you are required to redo some training because of it. There are lots of jobs in care all the time they are advertised I would go somewhere else where your skills are appreciated. It is all very vague about what you have to achieve and I suspect they will use all this in the future if they don't want to increase your pay or whatever - bin it off.

I think you need specific examples otherwise how can you improve? You could do week and repeat same otherwise.
I think I would do it once they had explained further but be very wary of company and look for other jobs.

I am a staff nurse and I could look at this one of two ways.

1. On every single ward I have ever worked on there is a senior nursing auxiliary who hates new people and makes life miserable for them. You tend to find they don't do a whole lot of work themselves but spend a lot of time criticising. They have been on the ward 20 plus years so hold a lot of clout with higher bands but their techniques are often out of date. I've honestly spent my whole career avoiding these people and quietly going about my tasks. It could have been that the staff member you were on with was one of them and nothing you did was going to pass.

1. I can teach a lot of things to a student or new staff member but I can't teach compassion. You either are a caring person who is supposed to be a nurse or you are not. I am a little concerned that the feedback is that you are uncaring or cold.

So in all honesty I would do your extra week with a new mentor, try your hardest and get feedback to see whether they found you caring or not. Forget the fact that you have to repeat the training and act like its all new because that will wind people up when you come in acting like you know it all. You have to repeat training a million times as a nurse but its not a bad thing. Some caring environments are toxic and badly managed so it could be this and as others have said care jobs are everywhere but use the feedback to evaluate how you are with clients/patients etc.

I dont know about anyone else but dont ypu think its great that a uncaring attitude is taken seriously. We are always hearing about awful things happening in nursing /special needs provision. Personally i would rather that they were over zealous than someone who is uncaring slips through.
Obviously op i am not accusing you of being uncaring/cold.

Might be worth considering whether you come across as cold/uncaring even if you're not. Are you shy and reserved? Would you describe yourself as an introvert? Do you find it easy to connect with and communicate with people?