Page 2 | To ask hubby to remove a girl from his FB

LilMrsT · 2021-03-30T21:03:55+00:00

My hubby has always had alot of people on his Facebook from school days teen years etc. When I met him there was a girl who I knew also. She essentially bullied me in my younger years and I really dislike her, I mentioned it to hubby before but he didn't do much. She's became more active on his page liking his status, pics of our kids etc and it's really annoying me I feel she's still laughing at me all these years on. I sent him a serious message about how I felt and reminded him of what she put me through but he says I'm being controlling . I really don't feel I am.. am I??

TableFlowerss · 30/03/2021 23:32

YNBU op. At the end of everything, he should respect your feelings. You don’t like the girl. Perhaps she has changed, perhaps she hasn’t... it’s irrelevant to the fact she made you feel shit and bullied you.

What skin is it off his nose removing a random girl? Why would he chose to fall out with you over it instead if just unfriending her....

People could argue it’s controlling however, I would say that most women with empathy could understand why you feel the way you do!

BurbageBrook · 30/03/2021 23:37

YANBU - it wouldn't be a huge hardship for him to remove her, but would really help you feel better, therefore he should do it!

SummerWhisper · 31/03/2021 00:05

What would the children think of their father refusing to unfriend their mother's bully? Not a nice look, is it?

coffeeandjuice · 31/03/2021 07:18

Agree with OPs, it's not about control it's about being in your corner

SmellsLikeAHamsterCage · 31/03/2021 07:30

If he doesn't delete people I would get him
to put her on his restricted list. That way they would still be friends but she would only see posts that he has made public. I'm assuming family photos would be set to friends only, so that way she wouldn't be commenting on things all the time.

Though he really should delete her!

KarmaStar · 31/03/2021 09:28

Yabu for using the term hubby it's horrible😀

SleepingStandingUp · 31/03/2021 09:31

She was on there when you met? And you're now married with kids
So have been asking for the last decade or just recently?

Shoxfordian · 31/03/2021 09:43

He should want to remove someone who was mean to his wife

Original poster

LilMrsT · 31/03/2021 10:08

@SleepingStandingUp I've mentioned it before in past but not as serious as I did recently. It's not something on my mind all time tbh just because she's became more active on his Facebook

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JerryMoreIceCream · 31/03/2021 10:18

I would find it odd that he knows it upsets you and it really is no skin off his nose to remove her from his FB so why doesn't he? Why does he not care about your feelings?

I wonder how he would feel if the roles were reversed? If he wanted you to remove someone from your FB, and with good reason, and you refused.

Bullying, especially from secondary school really affects people. It certainly affected me and I couldn't be friends with someone who enjoyed seeing me suffer at their words every day.

thatwasme22 · 31/03/2021 16:24

''He needs to choose you or her. He should block her no questions asked.'

'' it's not about control it's about being in your corner''

If a woman came on here saying her dh wanted her to remove a man who used to bully him I think the reactions would be different. He'd be labelled as abusive and controlling.

JeanClaudeVanDammit · 31/03/2021 16:27

I feel she's still laughing at me all these years on

Do you really think she cares that much about you to bother? However if it’s genuinely upsetting you then yes he should probably block or hide or mute or whatever.

Summersun2020 · 31/03/2021 16:30

Why would be even want her on his Facebook? Yanbu, he’s being an insensitive bellend

user1493494961 · 31/03/2021 16:40

I wouldn't have said anything and would have deleted her myself. If he's got loads of friends I doubt he would have noticed. It's a bit more difficult now but leave it a couple of weeks and do as a pp said, put her on his restricted list.

thatwasme22 · 31/03/2021 16:51

''I wouldn't have said anything and would have deleted her myself. If he's got loads of friends I doubt he would have noticed.''

Again if a man did this to his partner on fb imagine the reaction here.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe · 31/03/2021 17:02

You shouldn't have needed to do more than tell him, OP. You say that he's protective of you - he can protect your feelings then.

NotAPanda · 31/03/2021 17:06

YANBU. If he wants to keep his friend count up he can put her on a restricted list
Why does he want her to know about his life

peboh · 31/03/2021 17:06

@thatwasme22

''He needs to choose you or her. He should block her no questions asked.'

'' it's not about control it's about being in your corner''

If a woman came on here saying her dh wanted her to remove a man who used to bully him I think the reactions would be different. He'd be labelled as abusive and controlling.

Absolutely agree with you.

Original poster

LilMrsT · 31/03/2021 17:11

@thatwasme22 @peboh

Would that really be the reaction if the roles were reversed? I certainly wouldn't say the man was abusive! If he asked his wife to remove someone who made him uncomfortable in the past due to bullying.
Sad to hear that mums net would have that reaction if the roles were reversed. I'd like to think regardless of gender bottom line is someone who bullied your partner is on your Facebook laughing and liking comments relating to your life and kids. I was trying to figure out how serious I should take this to make sure it wasn't me being a lil crazy.

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DottyFlossie · 31/03/2021 17:18

YANBU. I wouldn't be happy with this situation.

peboh · 31/03/2021 17:23

[quote LilMrsT]**@thatwasme22* @peboh*

Would that really be the reaction if the roles were reversed? I certainly wouldn't say the man was abusive! If he asked his wife to remove someone who made him uncomfortable in the past due to bullying.
Sad to hear that mums net would have that reaction if the roles were reversed. I'd like to think regardless of gender bottom line is someone who bullied your partner is on your Facebook laughing and liking comments relating to your life and kids. I was trying to figure out how serious I should take this to make sure it wasn't me being a lil crazy.[/quote]
Yes, on mumsnet absolutely. There's a massive double standard on here when it comes to behaviour of a woman vs a man.

All you can do is talk to your dh. Have a sit down and explain how it makes you feel, face to face. If he still doesn't see it your way, then there really isn't a lot you can do. I don't agree with posters saying you should remove her from his Facebook, or put her on his restricted list. That to me is just a violation of privacy, and I can't imagine anybody would be okay if the shoe was on the other foot.

Original poster

LilMrsT · 31/03/2021 17:26

I wouldn't go into his accounts theres no way back once your at that stage! I will explain face to face he's just looking at it from a different point as hes never been bullied doesn't realise it stays with u a lil in the sense if you see the person again it not a happy feeling

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toocold54 · 31/03/2021 17:32

YABU this was years ago and none of us are the same people we were at school. He should be able to have whoever he wants on his SM. If he had an ex gf from school on there would you mind?
If she was still nasty to you now then I’d be more likely to say YANBU but because it was when you were younger then I don’t see the problem.

ItsMarch · 31/03/2021 17:32

If he wouldn’t remove her I’d ask him not to post anymore pictures of me or the DC. I don’t think that’s unreasonable.
The fact he’s “friends” with someone who bullied his wife is weird in my opinion.

Outbutnotoutout · 31/03/2021 17:45

Why has she suddenly become more active on his FB, is she trying to get noticed 🤔

Are they chatting privately and she is revelling in knowing something you don't?

I can't understand why he would want to be friends with someone who hurt you so much.