To be annoyed with MNetters claiming they don’t understand

[youdounderstand]

You know the ones - they understand perfectly well but feign ignorance as a way of showing someone how terribly bizarre and peculiar the way they live is.

I don’t understand why you don’t just get a taxi - oh really, you don’t understand that not everyone can afford a taxi.

i don’t understand why you don’t retrain, as that will benefit your children more. Erm, sure.

i don’t understand why you decided to bottle feed if you wanted to breastfeed yeah course you don’t.

Is it me being a grumpy arse or is ‘I don’t understand’ really fucking annoying?

I think you fail to understand, OP, that chatboards are a cesspit of goady, bored people who will post anything to get a rise and/or argument.

Not that difficult once you see it.

sparkling, you’ve been on MN since 2011 and apparently huge chunks of the site are a mystery to you.

Isn't it just one of those phrases people have picked up and use in the wrong situations? Along with 'Literally', 'Genuinely' and 'No offence, but...'

Yeh I totally agree. I got accused of all sorts the other day on a now deleted thread where I was genuinely curious about something. But I was called all host of nasty things. I think some people are genuinely unable to see another persons perspective or actually unable to accept that others may think differently based on experiences / financial situations etc. It can get very nasty very quickly on this site too.

@Macncheeseballs

I admit I don't understand alot of the problems I read about on here, when there often seems to be an obvious solution that the op refuses to acknowledge

Yep. I agree that a lot of times the phrase is used in the way described by the OP, but so much mollycoddling goes on as well, like it's no one's responsibility anymore to speak up for themselves, instead everyone else around them should turn into mind readers.

Eg: 'I REALLY wanted a seat on the train, there was one next to someone sitting in the aisle but I'm just too scared of confrontation, whine whine' and everyone jumping in with 'well of course that person should have KNOWN you wanted a seat, how rude!' Instead of just telling them to get a grip. I just...can't understand it

yanbu op. I understand exactly what you mean. The worst are the pile ons against ops who pick apart everything that is said and dispute it as if to say the op is wrong by her version.

I don’t know I think an awful lot of people are just as thick as shit so can’t really see beyond their own narrow tunnel vision.
So their brains literally can envisage that someone might like/do something different to them.

Oops and some of us cannot type, should be cannot envisage

@thatwasme22

yanbu op. I understand exactly what you mean. The worst are the pile ons against ops who pick apart everything that is said and dispute it as if to say the op is wrong by her version.

That drives me right up the wall. If the OP was going to lie, why wouldn't they pick a situation where it was absolutely cast iron that they WNBU? It's exactly those sort of edge cases where both sides are a little bit insulted/guilty that are the most likely to be genuine IMO.

My other bugbear is ones where the OP describes a pattern of behaviour of a family member ('D'H, MIL/mother) that firmly established them as having a long and illustrious history of being a total dickhead and then in response to the current problem they get replies of "why haven't you just sat them down and told them their behaviour is unreasonable and it needs to change?" I find that so irritating. Clearly the OP knows from long experience that that doesn't work, that's why they're on the internet asking for creative solutions.

It irritates me when people say they "don't understand" a post because there's some spelling or grammatical error in it, when it's obvious what the poster meant.

Lyinwitchin, - 'a cesspit of goady people', was that an ironic post?

I know it's just a speech habit, but it's one that really grates

Some MNs definitely don't (possibly deliberately) what racism is..

"I don't understand means one of two things:

1. "You don't do what I do/think what I think." or
2. "I lack imagination."

I always think of Delores Umbridge with her head tilt and her ahem ahem.

Also when the OP makes a typo but it's still clearly obvious what they meant, and someone claims to not understand, and the whole thread becomes about that typo.

It's annoying, but then I'm also annoyed when an OP acts as though the most obvious suggestion someone can make has never occurred to them. (Really? How could you not have thought of putting up heavy curtains to block light? ) Or when an OP has a reason why every single suggestion won't work (that reason usually being that they simply don't want to do that), but hang around moaning and handwringing on the thread, apparently waiting for some miraculous, fantasy-world solution that will never be possible in cold, hard reality.

Shnuffles Yes, or the ones when they want their problem magicked away. "I want somebody to stop taking advantage of me but I won't speak to them about it or change anything about my behaviour."

Ooft my friend dies this in order to say she thinks you are an idiot but wants to be nice about it. I used to sit and explain a perfectly valid choice. Now I just shrug and say ‘well that’s what happened!’ Or similar. She’ll also do this wee direct ‘now you and I have been friends for several years and I know you’ll understand that what I’m saying isn’t meant badly...’ before being quite rude!

I have rarely seen this emoji used where it doesn’t make me hopping mad. 🤷🏻‍♀️
So often (not always) seemingly faux confusion when all that’s happening is different lives or different views.

These threads are also littered with 'surely . . . '

@unforgotten23, it is often used by racists on racism threads.

@HeronLanyon

I have rarely seen this emoji used where it doesn’t make me hopping mad. 🤷🏻‍♀️ So often (not always) seemingly faux confusion when all that’s happening is different lives or different views.

I use that emoji and that's exactly what I mean when I do: different lives or different views/oh well/not my business/whatever/live and let live...that sort of thing

Why don't you just get a tutor?
Why don't you switch schools?
Why don't you just quit given your job is not 100% satisfactory to you?
Why not just move etc

The stunningly obvious answers like well I need to keep a roof over my child's head or the little bit of support I have eeked out helps or I haven't got a spare 2k to spend on moving etc require far too much imagination apparently.

The best ones apply teleological thinking like why on earth did you put yourself in this situation, very helpful lol.

I'm sure I've done it too though eg I can never comprehend why lone mums have given their children the surname of a deadbeat dad or put someone abusive on a birth certificate. Battering them about things that are done and can't be changed is a bit pointless but I confess I have a cannot understand approach to women giving control to unworthy men

Also an I can't understand what you get out of this relationship? You know those posts where it's flagrantly clear that they're bending over backwards to try and placate a partner who brings nothing to the table and actually makes the op and her children's lives miserable?

It's not a smug head tilt but a genuine wtf are you putting up with this.