To think, if I say it’s hard being pregnant and looking after a toddler, it is?

[shittingthreeeyedraven]

Just a rant really. I’m 28 weeks and knackered. Still working from home 4 days and having 2.9 year old toddler one day. It’s the holidays so have them every day this week.

I’m finding it hard going but every time I say this to dh I can almost hear him rolling his eyes (not stupid enough to do it physically) and going oh ok.

This is the man who has had dc on his own for maybe 4 full days in total, spaced out, and has no idea what it’s actually like. He has had her list for a couple of hours here and there but even then not much for the past year due to lockdowns and me having no where to go.

They have just hit a phase of starting to drop their nap which makes days long and exhausting with no respite for me and I’m struggling.

I’m just looking for a rant really, thanks!

You must be absolutely exhausted. I was so ill and tired in my third trimester I could barely move off the sofa and I'm usually a very active person. I can't even imagine having to look after a young child during that time. He has no idea.

Feeling your pain. I'm 36 weeks with a nearly 2 year old and a 4 year old. Definitely wondering why I thought a third was a good idea!
It will be worth it in the end!

Solidarity! 34 weeks with a 2.9 toddler, anaemic and return of sickness (yay). I’m knackered!! YANBU!!

I know it will be worth it, it’s just so hard at the moment! And dc is so full on I really don’t get a rest. If things were open it wouldn’t seem as bad, but even when playgroups reopen soon, I don’t think I’ll be going as I’m trying to avoid COVID contact.
Also, dh seems to have gone blind in terms of housework and cooking so I still seem to be doing all that. He seems to think as i am at home, working I might add, that I can do these things In my breaks.
Everything has got a bit much today, couple with dc not sleeping again, and now I’m trying hard not to cry in front of them. It’s not their fault but my god I’ve had enough.

YANBU. why is he being such a dick? Why isn't he stepping up to help you with the toddler?

I have very easy pregnancies, physically speaking, but I nearly lost my shit chasing my child of that age around a garden centre at 35 weeks and had to tell DH in no uncertain terms that I needed physical help with DC1. I also nearly collapsed in public after overdoing it in late pregnancy out and about with the toddler.

To be fair, he is really good when he is here, but he’s at work and I’m doing it. 3 weeks of the Easter holidays is looking impossible

You need to leave DC with him more when you can.

@stackemhigh

You need to leave DC with him more when you can.

Totally agree! But at the moment there is no where to go for the day so it seems a bit pointless when I’d almost end up sitting into the car in the drive! Before lockdown I’d not left dc that much as they were still breastfed so it’s been few and far between. I do tend to get a couple of hours to myself on a Sunday to do my hobby (so mumsnet ) but that’s often nap time/only for part of the afternoon so there’s no comparison really. Second pregnancy is SO much harder than first! If I’d have known I may have reconsidered having two...

Toddlers are exhausting. Pregnancy can be exhausting. Pregnancy plus toddler is very exhausting.
My toddler went to nursery two mornings a week when I pregnant with DD2 so I could rest... (SAHM with husband working away). Those 6hrs a week were bliss. In later pregnancy O was constantly told by midwives I needed to rest more but they acknowledged I couldn't.

I found late pregnancy with a toddler so hard. Like you it was a much tougher pregnancy than my first and I was really, really struggling by the end. The one good piece of news for you is that I now have a six week old and am finding newborn and toddler much easier than toddler and pregnancy!

Him rolling his eyes about it sounds horrible - I can't imagine DH not believing me if I said I was struggling. But then DH does as much parenting as I do (when I'm not on mat leave) so knows what being on your own with the toddler is like (obviously he doesn't know what it's like to be pregnant while doing it!). I actually think it would be worth going out even if it is just to sit in the car so that he has more opportunity to realise how demanding looking after a toddler is.

I’m 34 weeks pregnant with a 13 month old and am exhausted, first born is a terrible sleeper and only has one nap a day and is so full on, he was an early Walker so he can run and climb which is knackering itself. I feel for you OP.

Oh God. Just had my first (and last) baby. Love my baby but hated every second of being pregnant. I wouldn't even attempt it to have another baby while looking after this one. No way. You are a superwoman...

Oh it is hard and don't let anyone tell you otherwise!
When pregnant with my second my first was 18 months - 2 throughout and I was extremely sick everyday and also had SPD and was in a lot of pain. I looked after ds pretty much completely on my own while ex h worked, and while he was home it was still me doing 98% of child care and 100% of everything else. It was so hard.

We actually ended up splitting up when second one was 1 which was 3 years ago now and this was a huge reason, because it never got better and I actually found day to day life so much easier afterwards. He has since apologised multiple times saying he didn't realise how hard it was looking after them and he should have helped more which I appreciate.

OP, your husband REALLY needs to step up here. I'm also pregnant with another pre-schooler at home and currently my husband is dealing with all the nightwakings, practically forcing me to lie in on the weekends and taking on a much larger share of the domestic load - and he's a surgeon and I'm a SAHP! We also have a cleaner but nonetheless my husband frequently comes home to a bombsite (I've been suffering badly with morning sickness so really struggle to bend or even move around too much, if I overdo it I get horrifically nauseous) - today I managed to do an online singing class with our older child, ran the dishwasher, unpacked the urgent bits of the supermarket delivery and walked the round trip to the doctor's surgery for my flu jab, that's it. When my husband comes home he will finish feeding the older child their tea, bath them, put out the bins and then tidy up downstairs (including unpacking the rest of the shopping) and cook dinner while I do bedtime. He will also wash up (granted at that point I will be hanging up the wet load of laundry that I'll stick in the machine when he gets home).

Why isn't your husband getting up in the night with your toddler and doing more of the housework? Even if you weren't working at home (I'm not), you're pregnant! Why aren't you taking the full weekend to relax and why isn't he in sole charge of the child then while also keeping on top of the house and the emails - seeing as this is what he expects YOU to do on the other five days?

I would tackle this ASAP, it won't magically get better when your second child is born. I really hope you can get through to him.

Balls, first day of his holidays and the dressing gown of doom has come out and he’s ill. Marvellous.

Could have wrote this myself. I'm 34 weeks, anaemic, gestational diabetes and have a soon to be 3 year old in 3 weeks.

It has been EXHAUSTING. Considering my daughter dropped her daytime nap since 18 months old.

On the bright side - everyone I spoke to said having a newborn and toddler is less exhausting then being pregnant with toddler! And my husband doesn't understand either

Yanbu it's HARD

Which means I have done all the cleaning/tidying up this morning which he left last night (told me he’d get up this morning and do it and I was too tired and achy to argue) as I can’t bear to come down to a messy house.
The lack of cleaning is starting to stress me out, it’s gross and I can’t keep on top of it with a toddler and a large bump but I’m doing my best. He’ll wait until I start then go ‘oh I was going to do that’ and ask if I need any help... no, I wanted you to bloody do it before i did! I left it as long as possible to see if he’ll do it but then I crack first.
God knows what I’m going to do with a newborn soon

Sending much love meganjoon, that sounds tough! GD is no joke for you there. I really hope that it’s true about the newborn but being easier, it’s the bump and aches I can’t deal with right now. I think it’s PGP but I don’t have time to flag it to the midwife and see a physio round work. Hopefully it will go when the baby is here

Not unreasonable at all. I found it much easier to have a toddler and a newborn than being pregnant with a toddler. Your husband needs to step up.

Absolutely YANBU.

I found toddler plus newborn was a huge improvement. My husband refused to have a 3rd child because HE couldn't live through another pregnancy!

Sympathy op.

I found being Pg, working full time and having a toddler much more exhausting then having a newborn and toddler and being on maternity leave. So light at the end of the tunnel.

Your DH needs to do more housework etc based on what you've said though. Mine does that sometimes ' I said I'd do that!' yes but when? Next week? Needs doing now!

Snap Owlinatree! I had a row last weekend as I started cleaning (and ok maybe muttering about it) and he was all ‘oh I said I’d do it.’ But he’d said that LAST weekend and it still wasn’t done.
I’ve also been asking for things to be done in the garden which he is adamant he will do, but still hasn’t...I’ve been asking since January! But when I said I’ll do it he got grumpy and said he wants too

Order paper or bamboo picnic plates and wooden picnic cutlery from amazon use them. . Stop washing up. Ready meals.
Send him out to park with dc. Every day.

Hire cleaner and gardener.

From your joint money obv