To be annoyed and upset over comments over babies’ sex

[chillidoritto]

So I have DD (10) followed by 4 boys aged 4, 2 and one week old twin boys. We kept the sex of the twins a surprise.

Since they arrived I have had so many negative comments. The ones about me “having my hands full” bother me less as having twins as well as other children is bloody hard work.

But so many people have expressed disappointment / negative comments that I have had 2 boys! Countless people have said what a pity one of them wasn’t a girl, a number have said “poor you” and even worse is people saying “poor DD” in front of her!!!! When DD told her teacher the happy news, even the teacher said “oh dear!”.

I know that I am hormonal and extremely exhausted but how could anyone be negative about my beautiful babies?!

I’ve had similar!

I have a little girl, I’m pregnant with twins and we found out we’re having a boy and a girl.

All I got was ‘My first nephew!’ And ‘we’re getting a boy then!’. As he will be the only out of about 6 girl cousins. I felt like I had to stick up for my unborn daughter as she is just as important, I will definitely not be allowing any kind of special treatment.

I also got a lot of‘how do you feel about that’.

People are weird.

My second son was stillborn. Someone said to me “At least it wasn’t a girl”. People say idiotic things without thinking about it.
My second son was also stillborn last year. I’ve had “maybe it will be a girl next time” (knowing we were stopping at two, also knowing that the illness that killed DS also nearly killed me so another pregnancy would be hugely dangerous) but if anyone had said what was said to you they wouldn’t still be breathing!
People can be so crass.

To be fair, being the only girl out of 5 kids could be challenging...my DP is one of 4 and he has one sister. She always complains how her entire upbringing all their holidays and activities were mostly geared at boys, as they grew older they had v little in common and they kept teasing her about her makeup, music choices etc, she found it hard as a teenager especially although now they are very close. She also ended up being the one babysitting everyone all the time. So your DD's teacher was trying to empathise with that kind of scenario maybe? Given your DD is so much older than all the rest of the kids though this shouldn't be a problem for her.

So today I took the twins and DD out for a walk on their own - left DS1 and DS2 with their dad.

What a different response! “Aren’t they lovely!” “Aren’t you lucky having twins” “a mixed family how lovely” Their faces changed when I told them about having 2 more boys at home!!

If this is people’s response to my boy heavy family, I feel truly sorry for the comments people with big families of just boys or just girls get!

DD was saying on the walk that she’s glad we’ve got 4 boys and a lot of her friends are really jealous! Although she said she tells people she’s got 2 little brothers and 2 baby brothers because it doesn’t sound quite as bad 😂

I'd reply by saying you (just you, the family, the other children, whatever) are simply thrilled to have twin boys. Or smile and say you're just so thankful to have two healthy, happy babies. Maybe some of them will realise how they sounded, and even if not, you'll be expressing your opinion in a positive, nonconfrontational way.

Honestly if you’d had 4 girls and one boy it’d be the same. People just say stuff.

My grandma had this when she had my dad, he was the youngest of 3 boys. After the first few "oh what a shame" comments, she would greet people visiting with "we've had our third boy and are absolutely delighted!"

We didn't find out the sex as we didn't care if it was a boy or girl, we were just so happy we were having babies! When I was pregnant after having my son I had " Ohh I bet you're hoping for a girl!" I just looked at them with a wtf expression and asked why they thought I'd have a preference and said what a strange comment it was of them to make. I'd had so many losses which I told them about and said I was just over the moon to have a baby.

Congratulations op on your twins. I’m not sure why people feel the need to say something negative when there are sooo many positive things to say.

I have 4 boys so I’ve heard it all. Trying for girl, aw aren’t you sad you didn’t get a girl, no tv, hands full, boys are terrors etc everything you can think of.

Well no, I love my beautiful boys and if I’d had a girl I’d have loved her too of course. The way I see it, is I’m blessed to have my boys at all as I have a condition that can cause miscarriage so to have 4 is amazing and all 4 are healthy and wonderful. I’d be lost without them. Ignore people, or tell them to sod off. Enjoy your little bundles and have fun, 5 kids = great fun and lots of love & cuddles (& tonnes of washing) & you’ve got your big girl too who sounds very grown up and loves her little gang of brothers. Enjoy op and don’t let the negative nellys t you down

@emilyfrost

It’s nothing personal against your babies; it’s just something people say. You’re taking it way too personally.

That may be the case, but it's incredibly thoughtless and unkind. I would be so upset if I spoke to someone that way.

I have 3 Wonderful, healthy DS3
Taking them all out for the first time instead of " congratulations" I heard " Oh, are you disappointed?" My reply " absolutely delighted!"
People have no filter around babies

I still bristle at the negative comments I got when I announced the birth of my much wanted third son, and he's 23 now.

Some people have zero filter and/or zero manners.

I think it harks back to some myth that girls like pretty bows and to be polite and gentle and boys are messy, noisey etc... Except I have a girl who fits the stereotype of a boy!

She's a toddler now and forever getting confused for a boy as she's not dressed in all pink bows and sparkles. It's just not practical or fair, she'd much rather be in wellies and a puddle suit having fun. My MIL is forever buying her hair bows.... She doesn't have enough hair to go in her eyes yet so I just don't see the point in fighting with her to keep something on her head just for decoration. I'd much rather save that for sun hats etc that are needed!

I' have an obvious physical disability and have been asked if I actually gave birth to them!!
" no, I kept finding them under a gooseberry bush"