To be annoyed and upset over comments over babies’ sex

[chillidoritto]

So I have DD (10) followed by 4 boys aged 4, 2 and one week old twin boys. We kept the sex of the twins a surprise.

Since they arrived I have had so many negative comments. The ones about me “having my hands full” bother me less as having twins as well as other children is bloody hard work.

But so many people have expressed disappointment / negative comments that I have had 2 boys! Countless people have said what a pity one of them wasn’t a girl, a number have said “poor you” and even worse is people saying “poor DD” in front of her!!!! When DD told her teacher the happy news, even the teacher said “oh dear!”.

I know that I am hormonal and extremely exhausted but how could anyone be negative about my beautiful babies?!

Never understood this. I've got 3, girl, girl, boy and definitely knew that was my limit. It never would have occurred to me to have another child if the youngest turned out to be another girl. Congratulations on your twins.

My second son was stillborn. Someone said to me “At least it wasn’t a girl”. People say idiotic things without thinking about it. 🤷‍♀️

Alsohuman I’m speechless.

I’m so sorry for the loss of your son.

Congratulations on your new babies! You get stupid comments all time, not for any real reason. I have girl/boy twins and get asked if they are identical twins ALL the time. People just don’t think before they speak. If you had had 2 girls it would be about something else. Just tell them you are very happy with your healthy babies, they’ll soon stop!

@waterlego

Alsohuman I’m speechless.

I’m so sorry for the loss of your son.

Thank you. It was a long time and was just one of the spectacularly stupid things people said. All of which helped me develop a very thick skin and realise that a lot of people just don’t think before they speak.

No wonder you are upset, OP.

I'll never understand why people come out with such rude and ignorant crap, I mean what are you (or your dd) supposed to reply?

In your shoes I would challenge people every time, ask them why they think that, how do they think it makes you/your dd feel to hear that, why would they say something so nasty about two healthy children/what do they expect you to say or do about it, etc. Be useful to have a store of sarcastic put downs ready to use as well. Turn it back on them, if they are then uncomfortable or embarrassed, tough, might make them think about how you feel on the receiving end of their comments and perhaps they might engage their brains before opening their mouths in future.

Congratulations on your new, wonderful baby boys.

@Alsohuman

My second son was stillborn. Someone said to me “At least it wasn’t a girl”. People say idiotic things without thinking about it. 🤷‍♀️

That's more than an idiotic thing to say, it's horrific and inexcusable.

So sorry for the loss of your son.

As a mother of twins ( now grown), I’m mightily impressed that you have time to type anything!

Congratulations!
I unfortunately don't have any but your going to need some 'go to' answers for you and your DD. And damn her teacher was damn rude. Personally I would say something to the teacher, she should know better. The ridiculous thing being, ypu get the crap comments but i bet when you DH tells people its boys he'll be congratulated

I know that I am hormonal and extremely exhausted but how could anyone be negative about my beautiful babies?!

I actually think this is the perfect response - to just say 'oh, how can you say that about this perfect little pair' or something similar. I agree that it's thoughtless and people probably don't realise it comes across as a criticism of the boys themselves - but it does, and it's rude, and it would be good to remind them of that!

I have one DS followed by 3 DDs. The amount of comments I've had about not having another boy is unreal. DS has also had people say they feel sorry for him as he doesn't have a brother etc. The worst is if I'm ever out with my girls and my son isn't there. People have made comments about how I need to try again for a boy!

Congratulations, personally l would be over the moon.
It's weird because when my sons were younger l experienced some negative comments, especially after the birth of my second son, now they are older teenagers and they are good, they help me out a lot, quite the opposite, how lucky l am to have two strapping sons.

We're having a second daughter and have had the 'poor dh not getting a son' comments 🙄.

I had an unplanned baby and as I was taking contraception and having periods, I wasn’t aware I was pregnant until halfway through my pregnancy. She was number 4 and I was 39 when I found out. It took me weeks to tell anyone because I was struggling to deal with it myself.

When I finally started telling people not one single person congratulated me. It was all ‘oh my god how will you cope?’ ‘Oh my god you’ll be 40 when you have a 4th’ (like I didn’t know) etc etc.

Nowadays I have to put up with, ‘are they all from
the same dad?’ People are just arse holes when it comes to women’s fertility. My DH only got ‘well done mate’

Not quite the same thing but, I have 3 children DD1, DS, followed by much wanted DD2. I had always wanted 3 children, never mattered to me what sex they were. The amount of people who said to me "oh was DD2 and accident/ unplanned child?".

Me: " No she was very much wanted.."

Them: "Really?"

Me: "Yeah, we only DTD once and I actually conceived in the queue at East Midlands Airport if you are really interested" 😂

With both my girls I had specific implantation pain with both of them, but not with my son

What divvies! Boys are fantastic as are girls, congratulations on your lovely new arrivals.

We've got 5 DD's and you can imagine the comments we got. Poor DH etc. Adore our girls, all of them and given that our eldest daughter was born with an extremely rare genetic syndrome that gave rise to multiple serious disabilities we found the comments heartbreaking in the extreme. This was particularly hurtful when we had a 1 in 4 chance of any subsequent children having the same defect but risked it as we just wanted a big loving, healthy family which is what we got .DD1 is very loving and is the happy heart of our family .
Ignore them OP and just enjoy your beautiful children. It's mountains of flowers and many congratulations from over here. You are amazing.

I have 9 yr old twin boys.. its really upsetting when people say that but it does carry on I'm afraid... along with the automatic assumption that twin boys are really naughty. Things like mine are actually quieter than most of their friends but because there are 2 of them the cumulative noise/activity is more and gets judged as all coming from one if that makes sense ? However they are amazing loving beautiful boys. And my older dd loves them dearly. The 3 of them are out playing in the sun now.. she calls them 'my boys' 😊

@Alsohuman

My second son was stillborn. Someone said to me “At least it wasn’t a girl”. People say idiotic things without thinking about it. 🤷‍♀️

What an outrageous comment !!!

Speaking from experience, people are very negative about all boys, or lots of boys in your case. It's awful when it's said in front of your children, I hate it and have had to have many chats with mine to make sure they know that people are silly and that they are very much loved and wanted.

I'm much less tolerant of it than I used to be, and will either go with one of two replies, depending on the person and my mood that day. 1 sarcasm: "Yes, I asked my children which one of them I should have swapped for a girl but surprisingly none of us could decide". or 2. Get them to think about the meaning behind their words by feigning confusion and asking why "Oh, you feel sorry for me? Why is that? I don't understand?"

Congratulations on the birth of your twins!!

I got the same after DD2 was born

"Oh shame she's not a boy"
"You need a boy to carry on the family name"
"Are you going to try for a boy next time?"

And when I was pregnant with DS:

"What on EARTH will you do if it's ANOTHER girl?"

Why people think this shit is okay to say I do not know!

Congratulations OP. People say really stupid things without thinking. Very annoying but don't take it to heart.

I was asked a few times if I was disappointed to be having a boy. I used to quite enjoy asking them quite directly and with a smile, “why would you think that?” And then not let it go until I had an answer.

If you ever want to see daft people flustered, politely and calmly ask them to explain their stupid questions or statements. Especially in the company of others.

Yes, as above. Ask them directly why they have said that. In my case I was brutally direct with one when I’d had enough. I asked why she would say that when DC2 was my fifth pregnancy. She didn’t know that - but I left her in no doubt that it is never ever acceptable to remotely suggest that someone is disappointed in their baby because of his/her sex. In my experience the ones who understood were the midwives. They tended to say things like you’ll not mind what you’re having, will you - when they’d read my notes.

People are so tactless. Stupid idiots. Take no notice.

Congratulations!