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AIBU?

My partner's alarm!

34 replies

Okbussitout · 29/03/2021 07:26

Just wondering what is reasonable to do with alarms when you and your dh/dp need to or like to get up at different times?

This is probably not one for those with babies and young children as I appreciate they are likely waking you up! But no children in this situation.

Both Wfh, I need more sleep than my partner. I also have some health issues which contribute to this and I'm having a medication change which has left me knackered. He likes to get up earlier than me. Both go to bed at the same time.

He sets multiple alarms. One of which the first at 6am is seemingly just vibrate and I think now it's the 3rd time it's woken me up an not him and I've had to promt him that it's going off.

There will also be multiple alarms between 6 and 7. AIBU to think this isn't on? I don't think it's fair to disturb somone else's sleep like this or is it reasonable to do what you need to do to get up.

This is prompted by a bad night of sleep topped off by his fucking 6am alarm I had to shake him awake to turn off.

I've already told him it's annoying BTW I just wnat to know what others think. Even if AIBU I'm definitely not telling him that!

OP posts:

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overwork · 29/03/2021 07:38

I would completely agree with you. Generally I have to be up before my partner. I tend to wake up before my alarm and switch it off so he doesn't often have to hear it.
When he is up before me we have to have multiple alarms going off, all repeatedly on snooze. To add to my pain he genuinely seems to fall asleep between each one, so I don't just have to put up with the cacophony of bloody alarms, he also jolts awake each time one goes off.
I don't really know what the answer is but I'm on your side!

SnooperTrooper12345 · 29/03/2021 07:38

I haven't got much to say on what people think is right.

But my partner is one to set multiple alarms and it drives me insane.
Mines a bit different in the sense that he's getting up for a night shift whilst I've not that long got into bed.
But he will set his alarm and snooze it constantly for a good half an hour. Purposely sets it early so he can snooze it.
Drives me insane because I just want to go to sleep! 😑
Even worse when I'm someone who will set an alarm, turn off the first alarm and get up.

JorisBonson · 29/03/2021 07:40

An hour of snoozing would do my nut in.

DH is like one of those people in a film and springs out of bed a nano second after his alarm goes off. I need 5 minutes of snoozing.

Okbussitout · 29/03/2021 07:43

It's not snoozing so not every 10 or less min. But probably every 20 min. Feels even worse in a way!

OP posts:

Ragwort · 29/03/2021 07:43

Totally unreasonable... if he 'likes to get up early' then why doesn't he get up when the first alarm goes off. Have you got a spare room? I think it's crazy that people are expected to need the same sleep as their partner, separate bedrooms are essential for me .

BarbaraofSeville · 29/03/2021 07:44

What does he say when you tell him how annoying it is?

One snooze is acceptable. No more. I would be throwing the alarm clocks out of the window, including the one on his phone if it was me. Totally selfish behaviour.

EileenGC · 29/03/2021 07:45

He needs to get up with the first alarm. It’s not fair on you to be constantly woken up every 20 minutes. Why doesn’t he get up with the first one?

Okbussitout · 29/03/2021 07:47

It's not like I think he has to get up straight away. I don't spring out of bed. But I do wake up then need a bit of time on my phone to just ease myself into being awake.

OP posts:

TheWaif · 29/03/2021 07:47

If it's not waking him I'm not sure what you can do about it?

Chicchicchicchiclana · 29/03/2021 07:48

Why do you people put up with this entirely unreasonable stupid selfish behaviour??

Sleep in a different room. Refuse to have sex. Shout! Have a massive argument about it. Don't just passively accept it. Your partner isn't God.

Okbussitout · 29/03/2021 07:50

So I think he doesn't get up with the first one as he seems th think he needs to be semi awake in order to actually get up on the second or later one.

When I've told him he says yes I understand. Then changes it for a bit but then it seems to be happening again.

I also think it's new that I'm actually woken up by it.

OP posts:

Okbussitout · 29/03/2021 07:57

@Chicchicchicchiclana

Why do you people put up with this entirely unreasonable stupid selfish behaviour??

Sleep in a different room. Refuse to have sex. Shout! Have a massive argument about it. Don't just passively accept it. Your partner isn't God.

Well it's been like three days I've woken up. And I've told him about it. So I'm hardly putting up with it or passively accepting it. But of an odd read into it.

He always had an early alarm as he needs to be up early but it didn't really wake me up and it definitely didn't wake me up but not him!

I'm the past if I've occasionally been disturbed by his alarm I've said can you not snooze or set multiple alarms if it has woken me up he has then not done it. But obviously as in the past few days it's woken me up I've been aware that he's had the 6am alarm but then is actually not getting up till later. Where as previously his alarm wasn't waking me up so I had no idea what was happening.

So to clarify this is a new thing of his alarm waking me up at 6 but not him or I suppose it's not waking him up as quickly as I've given him a shove after a few buzzes.

OP posts:

Okbussitout · 29/03/2021 07:57

@Chicchicchicchiclana

Also what do you mean by you people?

OP posts:

Silverstreaks · 29/03/2021 07:59

Turn it off on the first vibrate.
Let him sleep through it.
It's ridiculous that he's going through that palaver and irritating you too.
Two alarms and up is enough for anybody.

moochingtothepub · 29/03/2021 07:59

I set my alarm for 10 mins before I need to be in the shower, dp has flexibility as usually wfh but my alarm is loud !

WhatTheFlap · 29/03/2021 08:00

I had an ex who used to do this, used to drive me utterly insane and he couldn’t understand why it was unreasonable to wake me up an hour before he needed to get up just so he could snooze his alarm every 10 minutes and wake up feeling more refreshed.

I’m one of the people who sets my alarm for when I need to get up, and get out of bed when it goes off so the concept of snoozing (even once) was too much for me 😂

Needless to say YANBU and I’d be kicking off if I were you!

PandaFluff · 29/03/2021 08:02

He needs to get up on the first alarm and leave you to rest.

Penville · 29/03/2021 08:04

Get him an app where you have to solve a puzzle or get out of bed and take a photo of something to turn the alarm off? My DH has one with maths problems which are really not my strong suit so he knows the only way it’s going to turn off is if he does it!

Okbussitout · 29/03/2021 08:13

@Penville

Get him an app where you have to solve a puzzle or get out of bed and take a photo of something to turn the alarm off? My DH has one with maths problems which are really not my strong suit so he knows the only way it’s going to turn off is if he does it!

This sounds good!

OP posts:

BarbaraofSeville · 29/03/2021 08:15

@Penville

Get him an app where you have to solve a puzzle or get out of bed and take a photo of something to turn the alarm off? My DH has one with maths problems which are really not my strong suit so he knows the only way it’s going to turn off is if he does it!

Sorry but I think it sounds crazy! If he needs to be jolted awake by multiple alarms, he's hardly going to be up to solving puzzles quick enough to silence the alarm, so it's just going to keep waking up the OP.

diwrnachoflleyn · 29/03/2021 08:16

I stopped going out with men who did this. I really did. Never made it to live-in partner stage. It's inconsiderate AF.

Okbussitout · 29/03/2021 08:21

@diwrnachoflleyn

I stopped going out with men who did this. I really did. Never made it to live-in partner stage. It's inconsiderate AF.

Thanks that's helpful. We've been together for over 16 years. It's not like he's been doing it for 16 years. It's happened 3 times and I'm already annoyed and have told him this. So it's not like I've been seething for over a decade.

It's woken me up in the past 3 days he's set an alarm. What I'm annoyed about is I addressed it the first morning and it happened again which fair enough it could be a mistake on the settings but a third time is really not ok.

OP posts:

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WeAllHaveWings · 29/03/2021 08:30

He should be able to work out all by himself that setting multiple alarms for himself when his partner is sleeping until later is going to disturb their sleep and is inconsiderate, it isn't rocket science unless you are a self centered twat who doesn't give a toss about the impact on their partner. If he didn't have the ability to work it out by himself, you have told him several times before his alarms wake you yet he still reverts back to doing this.

You need to stop asking nicely and tell him it just isn't on. The immature selfish attitude would piss me more than the actual alarm.

Okbussitout · 29/03/2021 08:33

You need to stop asking nicely and tell him it just isn't on. The immature selfish attitude would piss me more than the actual alarm.

Yes this is very true. Also I haven't asked nicely. Well I did the first time, kind of.

OP posts:

Ireolu · 29/03/2021 08:34

My DH is like this and it is so annoying. We were off last week and his alarms still went off everyday at 7am. I just growl at him to turn it off. This is after the earlier 6am alarm. Been together 13 years would think I would be used to it by now but it's irritating. So YANBU.

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