Anyone else feel useless at work and just want an easy life?

[Ninawest100]

I think I was successful as a TA which I worked as for 2 years, but sadly the salary was very low (16/17k).
I was fired from a shop job when I was a teenager for making mistakes with the till etc.
I had 2 café/waitressing jobs where I wasn't fired, but a lot of criticism, especially from one who told me it seemed like I was regressing instead of progressing.
I was a teacher and that's what I trained in, but I was put on a support plan and quit before it went to formal capability.
I was a TEFL teacher abroad for a couple of years and I did really well with that I thought, but it was zero hours contracts sadly.
I got a TEFL job here but had a few classes taken off me, if just one student was unhappy, irrespective of the other 9, the lessons would be given to another teacher.

I've established teaching isn't for me, I seem to lack the energy it requires.

I work now in care but there's a lot of feeling of am I actually good at this, do I actually enjoy this (it's adults with severe learning difficulties and personal care needs) it's rewarding but can be challenging.

No idea if I'm actually doing well, I do what's asked and I show compassion and care. Never been told that I'm doing a good job.

Feel like I don't actually know what I'm good at. I'm quite logical and I enjoyed that aspect of teaching, but not the behavioural and pastoral issues. I always feel like you need a big personality in teaching, and many of them seem very confident.

Maybe I am a bit lazy too, but I've sometimes wondered if I am on the autistic spectrum.

I would just like a low pressure job, I'm prepared to work full time but I'm not willing to commit my life to a job and give up all my free time. Just want something relatively simple, where I'm independent and not constantly managed. No idea what to do anymore.

Not sure what you're asking OP.

Just wondering if anyone feels this way or has any advice or suggestions.

Work is mostly grim, IME, and a means to an end.

I would say follow whatever seems to work, don't chase dreams that don't pay. Save as much as you can. Try to keep boundaries for your working hours so employers don't take the piss.

It came as a shock to me that I didn't find work fulfilling. But after that realisation, I just had to crack on.

@Ninawest100

Just wondering if anyone feels this way or has any advice or suggestions.

Advice on what? You seem to want a routine job that isn't challenging or demanding, work your hours and nothing more. Provided you are satisfied with the pay that goes with that, then that's fine. I've known plenty of people who do that, and work only for the money to live. Of course, if you were satisfied with that you probably wouldn't be posting, so I am not sure what suggestions or advice you think you could get, because you haven't told us anything other than the fact that your haven't really done well in the jobs you have had, and don't really want to have a job you must commit anything to. Or that is what it reads as to me.

Maybe you could speak to a career advisor in your area? They might be able to suggest something suitable for you? You've tried your hand at a few things and not found the right fit for you, try not to dwell on not feeling good enough. I'm sure when you find something you maybe enjoy a bit more that will show in your work 😊

Sorry, I didn't address your point about being constantly managed

That is partly luck but the last few interviews I had over the years, i took to saying that I was happier working independently, which meant "if you'd like to micro manage, hire someone else".

That said, the highest salary I ever had, I just did as I was told. I got my flat based on that job.

Thanks for the answers.
I feel embarrassed sometimes, like I lack ambition. Most friends of my age (30) are in or are close to managerial positions.
However they're constantly complaining how stressful work is, how they're sick of it, doing over 45 hours per week etc.

It seems grim to think that this is likely the case for most of us until we're in our late 60s. I see my Mum who's in her mid 50s and she's either at work or drained and tired from work.

I'm not workshy though and have been in full time employment since university.
I don't have expensive tastes or want a champagne lifestyle and just want security. I don't have ambitions of going into management.
I know there's no perfect job out there, but I need to work something out.
Speaking to a careers advisor would be good, I could maybe go back into TA work but maybe combined with something else part time for a slightly higher salary.

I just never seem to fit into a lot of workplaces and my dream is to be freelance and just work alone.

If you enjoyed your Tefl work then why not try ESOL. It is, I'm finding out quite different from EFL and an entirely different type of student. I've been in EFL for over 20 years now and am only in the UK again due to the current situation. Could you go overseas again?

Yes that's a good idea, however I don't think I would consider moving abroad again with my family and partner being here.
It was possibly just the school I worked for, but I was told by them I lacked charisma and that the students missed their old teacher, even though i had tried to make lessons fun and interesting. then one student complained that there was too much oral work so I then lost 3 weeks of work.

What about private tuition?

As you already work in care would you consider nursing, or some other Heath related field like occupational Therapist?

Thanks, they're good suggestions. I don't know if I'd be any good at them, I've tried tutoring but found it to be unstable work. I need to gain confidence first I think and recognise that I am good at something.

I suspect you didn’t give yourself a chance at teaching. I was frankly rubbish at it for the first four to five years.

Hi OP,

I really get how you feel. I've done TEFL too, and really really enjoyed it. There's plenty of positions available to teach English online, have you tried that?

You can largely dictate your own hours etc, but i'm not sure how suitable it is for a long term career? You have lots of transferable skills, maybe speak to a careers advisor and see what they suggest? It also sounds like you have a lot of self doubt from a history of shitty employers, you should believe in yourself and try to be more confident :) Work will never be perfect for the majority of people.

Possibly yeah, how did you find you got better?
I just couldn't see myself working 60 hours per week and dedicating my life to it. Most of the teachers there seemed to have this confidence and presence, the way they spoke to the children.
I just cringed when I heard myself telling off a child and all the talk of 'setting good examples, being a role model' etc.
I found it hard to stick to the constant professional script that was expected.

@Ninawest100

Yes that's a good idea, however I don't think I would consider moving abroad again with my family and partner being here. It was possibly just the school I worked for, but I was told by them I lacked charisma and that the students missed their old teacher, even though i had tried to make lessons fun and interesting. then one student complained that there was too much oral work so I then lost 3 weeks of work.

OP I have a very similar background to you, and had similar comments when I went for teaching interviews, and also with shop and waitressing work as a teen, I think it's hard to get these personal comments but they shouldn't define you - it is just an opinion from someone who hardly knows you as a person.

It's left me with confidence issues, I passed my teaching course but left my first post and have now been a SAHM - plus developed some health issues which have made things worse

Not sure of any advice but you're not alone.

Have you thought of 1:1 tuition perhaps

Thank you, i certainly do need to work on my confidence.
Work sometimes feels like high school all over again, cliques, bullies and popularity contests.
I remember in the last job at the school I put a message out asking if could possibly car pool with somebody for a week (pre Covid) if anybody lived in that area.
I later found out that a girl happened to live there and had a car but had kept quiet, probably just didn't want to car share with me for the week, which is fine of course but representative of the fact that I was just not popular there at all.
I don't help myself with poor social skills and shyness either. Just dream of being self employed and my own boss but will likely never happen.

Driving instructor?
Teaching adults?

I've failed my driving test numerous times and still don't have a licence so think that one's out of the question sadly
I will look at language schools for adults.
When I did this abroad I got the odd complaint here and there but the rest was overwhelmingly positive and I genuinely felt I enjoyed it.
It's just hard with this sort of work to get fixed contracts it seems, but I'll look.
Also individuals or small groups preferably, teaching a large group all from different backgrounds and ways of doing things is a nightmare.

Wanting to be freelance is good - but freelance what? Writer, editor, designer, or something more practical?

I'm 47, and I only found my calling two years ago. I have a job I love, that I'm really good at, and that has good prospects. Ispent years working in the jobs I thought I should be doing, and which were fun but ultimately unsatisfying.

Maybe you need to find out what you'd be good at, towork out what you want to do. The government careers quiz thing is a bit cheesy, but when I did it, it basically suggested my current job (which was lucky). Give it a go, and see what it throws up for you.

Thanks for the quiz suggestion I hadn't heard of that one.
I'd be very interested in writing.
It sounds stubborn but I'm sick of being told what to do, I just want to be autonomous and not have to meet someone else's targets, work with toxic people and be under pressure. Life is too short to be in work we don't enjoy in order to pay the bills.

I get what you're saying OP, but I think sadly it's quite rare to find a vocation you love, and most people work to pay the bills, if you have a job you enjoy then great, most tolerate it. I think you need to have a think about what you want- what sort of shifts do you want to work? What kind of wage would be enough to comfortably enough live? Etc.

I could have written some of this myself. I've had various jobs but spent the last few years in retail and made it to managerial level 2 years ago. I absolutely hated it, it was the first time I was ever on a salaried wage and I was contracted to 40 hours a week but averaging 55, sometimes more, with no extra pay because that's what's expected. Once the pandemic started and it became harder in retail I did start to evaluate things and after taking my time to think things over I left and changed industries completely and I've not looked back. My salary has dropped dramatically but my quality of life is so much better, yes I was earning a high wage but was always in work and never had time to enjoy spending it. I love that I go into work, do what I have to then come home with no pressure or phone calls. Life's too short and you have to do what makes you happy and get the balance right.

Hi Nina,

I read your post about feeling useless at work. I feel the same way. I went through several shit jobs in my twenties. I was even a teacher for a while, like yourself. I didn't have the "big personality" required for teaching though.

I've stopped looking for jobs. I make and sell books on Amazon now. It's a good way to make money if you find a niche. If you need work, contact me and I could give proofreading work.