Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To cut my Best Friend out of my life

51 replies

quicklybeingdrivenmad · 28/03/2021 17:26

Back story so you understand where me and DH are coming from. my best friend married one of DH's friends, 3 DC seemed happy (both from what she was telling me and him telling DH) about 2 years ago Best Friend changed started going on mad nights out with a new circle of friends ( invited me to one, I met them at 8pm they had been on the vodka since 5pm I bailed at 11.30pm and got told next day she rolled in at 5am. Never went again made excuses.

Six months later she is in tears cannot take the emotional abuse any longer i.e he has no interest in her does not care, DH getting told he cannot understand why she is acting like a teenager (obviously 2 sides to a relationship so never made any judgement) October 2019 rings me in tears she has to leave needs to rent somewhere but needs to borrow money to do so (impossible situation but she is my best friend so help out) then find out January 2020 she has been having an affair and moved a new bloke in ( pretty pissed off at this point)

Their DC met him and hate him (tbf I did not take to him) during this time DH has been propping up his mate who is in bits, covid hits, the kids are obviously confused to say the least as she is not seeing them, hear nothing from her for a few months (no reply to my texts etc) contacted me when my mum died December to arrange to come to funeral (if you have seen my previous post snow wrecked that so did not see her)
Contacted me end of January to say she has made a massive mistake (new partner lost his job November, kids are cold with her and she just wants her old life back and intends to get it back.
Her H started divorce proceedings a week or two before this (so think she thought he would always be there as a back up, in case she changed her mind.
He has massively moved one met someone new (albeit taking it slow, I have only met her over zoom once but the way DH and him talk he is really happy)
Best friend has decided she is having him back to the point whereby she is sitting outside his house upsetting the kids, has vandalised his new GF car, asking us to speak to him, because she wants her old life back, actually ranted on the phone sick of having no money, want my nice house back and could have a new car cos I am not used to driving this old thing (its a 5-6 year old car )

Stuck with her through thick and thin but the fact (she still owes me for the move) coupled with her total its all about me attitude, really do not see a way back for us as friends. Since end of January I had a weekly message from her, February every few days, its now daily, I cannot cope lost my mum dealing with that her estate an Uncle's POA where his boys are abusing it, still trying run our business and look after our family, feeling like enough is enough, and think we need to look after her DH, their kids and are own family as much as we can

OP posts:
VettiyaIruken · 28/03/2021 17:31

I'd walk away from her too!

LibertyWX · 28/03/2021 17:34

Wow. She is horrid. Yes time to move. I'm glad she's realised that the grass isn't always greener on the other side.
She has a lot of making up to do to her kids. She should be focusing on that.
I'm glad her STBXH has moved on.

Original poster
quicklybeingdrivenmad · 28/03/2021 17:38

He is the one that has looked after and had the kids we have helped cos they are all my god children, she went months without caring, contacting your right I will just write the money off ( he understands why I did it) and write the friendship off

OP posts:
cameocat · 28/03/2021 17:46

She sou ds like a selfish idiot. She hasn't even realised how awful she's been and trying to repair the damage she's done. Could with the fact she's using her children in the drama. I'd drop her and tell her why. I'd also demand my money back too (but expect never to see it again).

Mittens030869 · 28/03/2021 17:51

YANBU, OP. Your lives will be much better without her in it.

My ex best friend was like this. I lent money to her as well. It didn’t end well; it rarely does in my experience, lending money to friends.

I’m glad her DH has moved on and seems happy.

Fluffycloudland77 · 28/03/2021 18:15

I’ve known women go off the rails when their old enough to know better and it ends in tears.

Walk away. She can’t do this then expect her soon to be H to take her back.

Dhs ex did similar and said when she left “I might be back in 6 months if it doesn’t work out” but I’d moved in by then Grin.

Sittingonabench · 28/03/2021 18:36

Yes it is time to cut the bs. She needs to hear from you that while you care for her and have a shared history, she has made choices and these are the consequences. That the way she is behaving is not how the person she was would behave and the person she is now is not someone you can support in their actions. You have your own stuff going on and there is no support coming back.
I would imagine that would be enough for her to back off the relationship. I feel really bad for her kids

1Morewineplease · 28/03/2021 18:41

It sounds like she's continuing to contact you because she wants to use you for information or to persuade your OH to persuade her OH.

She actually sounds like a very unpleasant woman and you and your OH would do well to cut her out of your lives.

I don't like the notion of taking sides in a breakdown, but, from what you've said, she deserves to fall on her face.

Original poster
quicklybeingdrivenmad · 28/03/2021 18:43

Kids are upset mum seems to have just left them, their dad is the one with them all the time, and he is the one picking up the pieces, its just so hard to take sides, well it was previously, now picked my side, am sure she will not like this

OP posts:
MzHz · 28/03/2021 18:45

I’d tell her straight, that’s not how you treat people, friends, kids, partners and that she hasn’t even paid you back what she’s borrowed but she can consider it a good bye present in exchange for leaving you alone and not bothering any of you again.

I hope the kids cut her off too. What she’s done to everyone is appalling! I am pleased the H is happier now!

My oh ex was like this with her previous ex. I’d have called the police on her tbh, but my oh lot are posh so they don’t do that kind of thing Hmm - which is why godawful people like her do these awful things

AliceMcK · 28/03/2021 18:46

Just completely back off, either ignore her like she did you or send her a message telling her exactly how self centred and cruel she is to do everything she has done to her family and friends especially her children. And should the time come where she has actually had a good look at herself and is ready to apologise to everybody she has hurt then you will be willing to talk but right now she is too toxic for you to even think about.

Also say you would like your money paid into your account by x date. Even if you don’t want it back I don’t think you should make it too easy for her.

If you do message her, block her afterwards and move on.

No one needs people like this in their lives.

katy1213 · 28/03/2021 18:47

She doesn't have to like it, though, does she? Doubt you'll see ypour money again but I'd also send a sharp reminder.

1Morewineplease · 28/03/2021 18:47

I'd just block from all media access points.
Being there for dad and their children is what the children's father needs right now.

Itsalonghaul · 28/03/2021 18:47

Distance.

I wouldn't cut her off completely at this stage, if they get back together (and they might) then it will be very difficult for you to keep the relationship with him and your godchildren.

This is their issue not yours. I would ask her for the money back that you lent her, and stop answering texts and calls - just reply every fortnight with short reply. Tell her you are busy grieving for your mum, and you can't help her at the moment.

What she has done is obviously wrong, but some people do stupid things. Mid life crisis, poor mental health. I try not to judge, just stand back and let your friend deal with it. Look after yourself and your loss. Your loss is massive op, so you need love and support, so I hope you have other friends that are there for you Flowers

Original poster
quicklybeingdrivenmad · 28/03/2021 18:49

@Fluffycloudland77
Glad it worked out for you, I know he will be happier without her, but her constant I want my life back, is a joke

OP posts:
Fluffycloudland77 · 28/03/2021 18:57

Her dh probably wanted his life back too when he realised his dw was shagging someone else.

We had dhs ex arrested twice. It was a whole load of self induced drama. Like being on the set of the real housewives of Orange country but with rubbish weather 🤨.

Original poster
quicklybeingdrivenmad · 28/03/2021 19:00

I do have other friends and am coping with their support, my god children however are not, I had put a savings plan in place for them all since birth only a small amount each month £5, but turns out one has gone, cos in my friends name for the kids, eldest godson just told me last week cos he was going to use that money towards buying a car and his mum has withdrawn it, her H has confirmed it has gone and no reason not to believe them, wonder if the others have been drained ffs am so cross

OP posts:
Fluffycloudland77 · 28/03/2021 19:01

That’s really scummy.

Bluntness100 · 28/03/2021 19:03

I think it’s very clear you support him and blame her, just own it. Let her know and cut her loose.

PeterPanNeverLands · 28/03/2021 19:04

Don't blame you one bit. She sounds awful

Original poster
quicklybeingdrivenmad · 28/03/2021 19:09

Tried not to support one over the other until I found about the affair and taking the kids money was the end, just feel bad cos she was my oldest and best friend, we grew up together our grandparents lived next door to each other so its a long history from being babies

OP posts:
ClarkeGriffin · 28/03/2021 19:18

She stole her own kids money?!

What a bitch. She deserves everything she got from being a cheating cow, only caring about herself, essentially stealing money from you too and now her kids.

I hope she ends up alone in her life, its what she deserves. Dump her and tell her you don't want to hear from her ever again, and that her ex deserves better.

saraclara · 28/03/2021 19:21

She took the kids' money from the saving accounts you set up for them?

Surely there is no question here. She borrowed money to set up with the OM (and hasn't paid it back) and she's stolen the money you invested for your God children. That's entirely unforgiveable, even before you get to how you feel about what she's done to her family.

Unsure33 · 28/03/2021 19:27

I think you have lots of reasons to back off , but the money is a particularly good one .

Would just say you are very disappointed that the money to you specifically saved for the godchildren has gone and taking that into account plus your current situation with having a lot on your plate as well you are not willing to be involved any more .

Stovetopespresso · 28/03/2021 19:32

don't give of yourself more than you can, imo your priorities are you, your family and kids and then your wider family. you can tell her the truth if you like, mention the money and how sad that makes you feel. wish her well and say she won't be hearing from you for a while. you don't have to be "nice' to her.

Swipe left for the next trending thread