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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To feel jealous of friend?

80 replies

Saddddddddddddddd · 28/03/2021 16:24

Friend and I have both been working temporary jobs for the past year. She has just got a job which I also applied for and starts in 2 weeks.
She didn't originally tell me she was applying for the job but was messaging me a couple of days before that she has no experience in this or that and do I know the procedures.
I told her just in general, not realising she was going for the same job as me (which she knew I was applying for.).

Anyway she messaged me after the interview saying she got the job and can't believe it but she is happy and also that she exaggorated on some of her answers so is worried she won't be able to do her job.

She went for an introductory day the other day and said she has a lot to do and is thrown in the deep end.

She keeps messaging me how she is loving that she can relax for the next 2 weeks before the chaos begins, how she doesn't understand any of the forms the company have given her, and then randomly messages me about how lucky she is.

I know I shouldn't feel jealous but I can't help it and I feel so frustrated :( any tips on how to stop this feeling?

OP posts:

Pinksatin · 28/03/2021 17:30

She’s a bitch.

Tistheseason17 · 28/03/2021 17:33

Do not give her any info.
She is not your friend.
Just reply with, 'you'll be fine - new jobs are always tricky at first (especially when you lie to get it)"

adeleh · 28/03/2021 17:33

Wow. She’s pretty insensitive and underhand. YANBU at all.

Marshy86 · 28/03/2021 17:34

Hi hun, not same situation but I had a friend get a job in same industry as me whilst I was having a difficult time at work she was constantly texting me about how much she loves the job and how understanding her new employer was in the end it a head whilst I was on holiday and I had to message her to say whilst I'm happy that you've found a job you love, I'm currently on holiday and trying to take a break from the stress of it and would rather not hear about it from her as it's just a reminder about how rubbish my manager was being. I think tactful honesty is the best answer xx

CockneyCutie · 28/03/2021 17:37

Aawww, op - that’s what my late DDad would have called a ‘shitty trick’ You must feel a bit used, I would.
Just sit back, act dumb when she asks for advice and smile to yourself...

Noidea2114 · 28/03/2021 17:38

Under no circumstances help her do any part of her job. The boss and the team will soon realise she lied.

Namechangegardens · 28/03/2021 17:42

She kind of sounds like a bit of a dick?

Azuretwist · 28/03/2021 17:49

I would block her number for a month so do not get any messages!

expectopelargonium · 28/03/2021 17:49

@Noidea2114

Under no circumstances help her do any part of her job. The boss and the team will soon realise she lied.

This. ignore any and all requests for help in the "How do I...?" and "I don't understand this..." vein.

Fluffycloudland77 · 28/03/2021 17:49

She does sound like a dick, don’t you dare offer any advice how to do anything from now on.

PusheenLove · 28/03/2021 17:49

@Marshy86

How did your friend respond?

dodobookends · 28/03/2021 17:50

If it's anything to do with accounts, they will have her sussed within the first morning.

Chloemol · 28/03/2021 17:52

She is not a friend

I would certainly ignore any requests for help, and if she pushes just say you don’t have time to help. Then slowly let the friendship drop

EvenMoreFuriousVexation · 28/03/2021 17:52

She sounds like a cow and I wouldn't want to retain her as a friend most probably, but... just playing devil's advocate here, is it possible she's actually feeling really awkward and worried you'll resent her getting it, and her messages are actually designed to make you feel better that she's going to have "chaos" on her soon?

I think if you've been friends a long time and been close up to now, I'd personally drop her a message and be straight up. "Hi friend, I've got to be honest, I'm pretty hurt that you went for the same job you knew I'd gone for, asked me for information because you weren't as well qualified/experienced as me, and now you're sending me messages continually reminding me of your good fortune. It's really not what I expect from a friend."

You will either get a heartfelt apology and be able to move past it, or the friendship will be over. Either way you'll stop getting her messages, which has got to be a win!

Also if you do stay friends I would definitely be asking her for tips on application letters and interview techniques!

Hope you get something permanent to your liking soon OP.

Appletreehat · 28/03/2021 17:54

As pps have said said, she doesn't seem like a very good friend. She's being very insensitive and seems to have zero self awareness.

I can't imagine going for the same job as my mate, use her for info then not tell her I'd applied, get offered the job, only to keep texting her about it..its just strange behaviour and she doesn't seem aware that its a big no-no. Has she always been like this?

getsomehelp · 28/03/2021 17:55

I'd reply something like, "You lied to get the job, you'll just have to try & do it now".
She is not your friend

Ninkanink · 28/03/2021 17:57

She’s not your friend, and you need to be careful about what you tell her in future.

Definitely don’t fall into helping her in her new job, she can figure it out for herself.

Another job will come along for you!

speakout · 28/03/2021 17:59

A crap situation.

I applied for a job I knew was becoming vacant at a company and told my colleague- who was also a close friend.
The job had not yet been advertised but next thing I knew my friend told me his wife had also applied.
I was so annoyed.
As it turned out neither of us were offered the job, but it was such a betrayal of trust.

Longdistance · 28/03/2021 18:00

What a cow bag! That’s no ‘friend’. Yes, ignore her messages and she’ll bury herself in deep. She has bitten off more than she can chew. It’ll serve her right. Do not help her. Do as pp and ask for feedback.

Winter2020 · 28/03/2021 18:05

Hi OP,
My pride would mean that I would not let on that I was bothered - but I definitely wouldn’t help at all. And do not tell her about any other jobs that you apply for! Even though she is newly appointed in this one it doesn’t mean that she wouldn’t pull the same trick again.

Hopefully you will find that “what’s for you won’t go by you” and better things are round the corner. Good luck

Beautiful3 · 28/03/2021 18:06

Do not offer any help with her job!!! Ignore her cries for help. She should be asking her supervisor for help. If she annoys them, I guess her job will be up for grabs again.

Meowchickameowmeow · 28/03/2021 18:15

@ElleDubloo

“also that she exaggorated on some of her answers so is worried she won't be able to do her job.”

I’d be tempted to screenshot those messages and send them to her new boss. But then I’m not perfect.

Would you really do that? What would you hope to achieve other than making yourself look like a right petty bitch with too much time on your hands?

SunIsComing · 28/03/2021 18:23

Do not help her again. She’s a cow.

SeasonFinale · 28/03/2021 18:25

She is fishing for a reaction so the best one is no reaction.

Shnuffles · 28/03/2021 18:29

It seems normal to feel jealous, under the circumstances. She's been (and continues to be) disingenuous. Either she's completely clueless or she knows very well that she got the job in an underhanded way and is causing you distress by rubbing it in your face.

I'd ignore her, mute her, be "too busy" to text right now, whatever you need to do to keep her out of your life for a while. Or maybe forever! I don't want someone like that in my life, personally.

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