To feel jealous of friend?

[Saddddddddddddddd]

Friend and I have both been working temporary jobs for the past year. She has just got a job which I also applied for and starts in 2 weeks.
She didn't originally tell me she was applying for the job but was messaging me a couple of days before that she has no experience in this or that and do I know the procedures.
I told her just in general, not realising she was going for the same job as me (which she knew I was applying for.).

Anyway she messaged me after the interview saying she got the job and can't believe it but she is happy and also that she exaggorated on some of her answers so is worried she won't be able to do her job.

She went for an introductory day the other day and said she has a lot to do and is thrown in the deep end.

She keeps messaging me how she is loving that she can relax for the next 2 weeks before the chaos begins, how she doesn't understand any of the forms the company have given her, and then randomly messages me about how lucky she is.

I know I shouldn't feel jealous but I can't help it and I feel so frustrated :( any tips on how to stop this feeling?

Gosh, talk about cheeky!

She can't have any idea that you'd be jealous or there wouldn't be any texts. She's a bit of an idiot isn't she?

If you help her in anyway I will be very cross.

I bet there are bigger and better opportunities for you OP.

This isn't about jealousy, you rightly feel hurt and frustrated because she used you for information and treated you like shit.
She isn't a 'friend', drop her and spend time with nicer people and you will feel a lot better.

Oh no definitely not Debbie hahaha. My friend's only just got the job and went for an introductory day but hasn't officially started yet. Must be a few Debbie-like characters stound haha

@fabulousathome thank you, honestly I feel like a total failure not being able to get a permanenet job :( don't get me wrong, I make okay money on temporary but I'd love consisteny;
I think finding out this week that I didn't get the job was sad but then when she messaged me saying she had it, it was even more of a kick in the teeth

I wouldn't have time for "friends" like this. Wonder how lucky she will feel when she fails her probation 🤨

The fact she knew you were applying for it, and is then pretty much rubbing your nose in it, shows what type of a friend she is. Do you actually value her friendship? Is she a close friend? I would do what others have said and drop contact with her. Stop replying to her nonsense texts

I’d be tempted to screenshot those messages and send them to her new boss. But then I’m not perfect

Not perfect? Only a thundering geebag would do something that despicable!

there is another thread where someone called Debbie "stole" a job from her friend. Debbie read the application form and applied for the job even though she isn't qualified

Er no, the OPin that decided that Debbie probably wasn't qualified, based on nothing but her own jealousy. OP in that had a serious superiority complex and could not understand how Debbie was picked over her, and so assumed Debbie had cheated and lied. She admitted she had no proof of same and that these things would have been checked.

I think i'd be okay if she got the job and left it as that, it's the constant messages that are getting to me now and how hard she thinks it'll be but not forgetting to add how 'wonderful' her team will be

Stop replying to the messages about the job. Just reply to the other ones (if there’s any) she’ll get the hint

I'd agree that she sounds pretty awful and I'd be quietly stepping away from her. Nothing wrong with going for same job but to not tell you, get info from you and now rubbing your nose in it is not what a good friend / reasonable person would do.

And then I hadn't messaged her in a couple of days and she messaged again and it feels like the job is just constantly being brought up

And yes, I am jealous which isn't helping

Her team won't be wonderful forong when they soon realise she isn't able to do her job properly!

Friend? I think not.

Just ignore. And good luck in finding a permanent job.

If she finds this one a struggle it's not your problem. Don't offer any more help or suggestions. If asked directly in conversation I'd say vaguely, Oh, I don't know. Have you seen hairdressers are opening shortly? or some other change of subject.

Trying to 'stop your feelings' is a bad plan, in this, and any other situation, OP.

Your feelings aren't irritations that get in the way of you having a happy life; they are signposts to a happy life.

So, is this woman (or anybody) does things that make you unhappy, you either walk away, or you tell the person. If you tell them, then base the future of your relationship on their response. If they care about your feelings, spend more time with them. If they don't, spend less time with them.

Have you told her how you feel? Or would you prefer to just draw back from the friendship? You could do it permanently, or just until the new job novelty wears off.

Stopping your feelings is trying to turn yourself into somebody you're not. Responding appropriately to your feelings is self respect.

It's really shitty she didn't tell you she was applying. She also used you for information, and now is bringing it up in multiple messages. She is not a friend!

Always useful to know what your friends are like. It was sly of her to do that. Keep applying for jobs but don't tell her any details. If she asks for help make excuses.

@VettiyaIruken

When she comes to you for help (and she will) I wouldn't help her out. She was very sly. She used you.

In fact, I'm so petty I'd give her duff info.

LOVE the duff info idea. But if you CBA, the screenshot idea is also great.

She's no friend, kid. X

Whatever you don't don't "help" her anymore.

I'd have to speak my mind and tell her how insensitive she is being, given she used you previously. Whether the relationship continued after that would depend on her reaction and whether she's a bit more sensitive to the position she's put you in.

[quote Saddddddddddddddd]@fabulousathome thank you, honestly I feel like a total failure not being able to get a permanenet job :( don't get me wrong, I make okay money on temporary but I'd love consisteny;
I think finding out this week that I didn't get the job was sad but then when she messaged me saying she had it, it was even more of a kick in the teeth[/quote]
If this has all happened this week then you can be a bit proactive. Contact the company and ask for feedback about why you weren't chosen. Thank them for their response, be nice, so if when your friend is found out you might be uppermost in their minds for a replacement.
Nothing to lose.

@Eckhart

Trying to 'stop your feelings' is a bad plan, in this, and any other situation, OP.

Your feelings aren't irritations that get in the way of you having a happy life; they are signposts to a happy life.

So, is this woman (or anybody) does things that make you unhappy, you either walk away, or you tell the person. If you tell them, then base the future of your relationship on their response. If they care about your feelings, spend more time with them. If they don't, spend less time with them.

Have you told her how you feel? Or would you prefer to just draw back from the friendship? You could do it permanently, or just until the new job novelty wears off.

Stopping your feelings is trying to turn yourself into somebody you're not. Responding appropriately to your feelings is self respect.

This is an amazing post. Fantastic words.

@Saddddddddddddddd, I'm sorry about your situation, and think it's totally understandable. I hope things change in your life so you get the job/stability you want.

But @Eckhart, I'm going to.remind myself of this regularly. Great advice for life!

An awful lot of job stealing going on lately it seems