Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To find weekly zoom call too much

70 replies

KCpip · 28/03/2021 14:52

My husband’s family started a weekly zoom call during the first lockdown. It has continued from there. AIBU to find weekly a bit much? I only talk to my own parents every 3-4 weeks. There’s so little to talk about at the moment and once a week feels like loads but wondering if this is what everyone else is up to as well?

OP posts:
LilMidge01 · 29/03/2021 10:18

You might not particularly enjoy it nor wish to do it with your own parents, but if they want to I do think YABU for being a bit princessy about it and suggesting it is "too much". It's once a week. Just suck it up and do it. It;s only an hour or so max right?

I wish I didn't have to work 5 days a week and I find having to have small talk with my colleagues sometimes a bit much and annoying- but that's life. Sometimes we do things we don't feel like doing. And especially if it makes our loved ones happy....

stackemhigh · 29/03/2021 11:26

@LilMidge01 in other words: wife work.

sunflowersandbuttercups · 29/03/2021 11:35

@LilMidge01

You might not particularly enjoy it nor wish to do it with your own parents, but if they want to I do think YABU for being a bit princessy about it and suggesting it is "too much". It's once a week. Just suck it up and do it. It;s only an hour or so max right?

I wish I didn't have to work 5 days a week and I find having to have small talk with my colleagues sometimes a bit much and annoying- but that's life. Sometimes we do things we don't feel like doing. And especially if it makes our loved ones happy....

But presumably you need to work to pay your bills, feed yourself and keep a roof over your head.

It's not exactly comparable to a completely optional zoom call. I wouldn't expect my DH to spend an hour speaking to my parents each week!

Horsemad · 29/03/2021 12:05

[quote stackemhigh]@LilMidge01 in other words: wife work.[/quote]
This!

Howshouldibehave · 29/03/2021 16:28

@LilMidge01

You might not particularly enjoy it nor wish to do it with your own parents, but if they want to I do think YABU for being a bit princessy about it and suggesting it is "too much". It's once a week. Just suck it up and do it. It;s only an hour or so max right?

I wish I didn't have to work 5 days a week and I find having to have small talk with my colleagues sometimes a bit much and annoying- but that's life. Sometimes we do things we don't feel like doing. And especially if it makes our loved ones happy....

Why can’t the DH do it?!
LilMidge01 · 29/03/2021 17:02

@Howshouldibehave Preusmably he is also. The problem is OP is seeing this as a 'chore'- it is talking to family. Not a chore to be assigned to someone, either her or DH.

LilMidge01 · 29/03/2021 17:07

[quote stackemhigh]@LilMidge01 in other words: wife work.[/quote]
Not sure I understand this as it clearly has 'connotations' on MN. However, yeah I suppose. In the sense that you are in a partnership with your husband and this therefore means you have things in your life that you wouldn't otherwise necessarily do. Presumably he also has 'husband work' of things he does that he wouldn't otherwise necessarily do if he weren't married to OP.
You don't get to just opt out of aspects of a partnership and shared life as and when it suits you (of course if you had a real issue with it other than just going 'nah dont really fancy it thanks', that is fair enough). His family are your family and if its important to him and them, then you participate. Similarly, same should go the other way round. You would expect him to participate in things that are important to you.

LilMidge01 · 29/03/2021 17:11

@sunflowersandbuttercups yeah fair enough, maybe 'work' is a bad example.

But I think point still stands- just because you don't want to have family chats once a week, doesn't mean DH doesn't. OP is a part of the family too, and that's what this particular family does. Sure, she can decide not to attend- but is it really worth it to essentially opt out of the family? I think it's pretty rude and its not like its very much effort at all.

sunflowersandbuttercups · 29/03/2021 17:12

The problem is OP is seeing this as a 'chore'- it is talking to family. Not a chore to be assigned to someone, either her or DH.

If DH's parents insisted on a video call each week, I wouldn't expect to be roped into it. They're not my parents.

doctorhamster · 29/03/2021 17:52

Yanbu at all. The camera on my laptop broke months ago and we're all much happier for it!

MrsTerryPratchett · 29/03/2021 18:30

I zoom my parents weekly. DH dips in. He wouldn't sit there for an hour!!! Nor would I with his dad.

Notaroadrunner · 29/03/2021 19:49

His family are your family and if its important to him and them, then you participate

Nah, don't think so. I married Dh, not his family. If he wants to spend an hour on zoom to his family, away with him. I wouldn't be joining in and there's no way he'd sit and join in a chat with my family. Op does not have to participate if she does not want to.

AnneFuckingKirrin · 29/03/2021 19:56

You’re not being anti social, just go and do something else when your dh zooms his parents. You don’t have to be there every time.

Sootybear · 29/03/2021 20:04

I've not zoomed anyone. If I want to talk to family, friends, my adult children I ring them. Enforced zoom calls every week sounds awful. You really don't have to join in every week. What if you're busy? I think it's perfectly fine for your dh to zoom his parents if he wants weekly, but you really don't have to. I'm exhausted just thinking about it. Fortunately my lovely mum doesn't do the internet so is totally happy with a phone call.

Howshouldibehave · 30/03/2021 12:05

[quote LilMidge01]@Howshouldibehave Preusmably he is also. The problem is OP is seeing this as a 'chore'- it is talking to family. Not a chore to be assigned to someone, either her or DH.[/quote]
But I think it’s fine for the OP to not want to Zoom her in laws weekly. I think it’s fine for the DH to chat to them that often if he wants to but she doesn’t have to be there. You clearly disagree-that’s fine, but I was letting the OP know that I didn’t think that was unreasonable.

PandemicPalava · 30/03/2021 12:05

Wow that would drive me bonkers. We did exactly that for the first lockdown but then stopped thank goodness

kittensarecute · 30/03/2021 12:20

I refuse point blank to engage with zoom calls or anything virtual, I hate it.

Howshouldibehave · 30/03/2021 12:39

I think it’s absolutely fine to Zoom monthly/weekly/daily as long as both parties are happy with that. I Zoom my mum regularly-we prattle on about all sorts, like we used to on the phone. DH would never have been on those phone calls so I wouldn’t expect him to be on regular Zoom calls talking about gardening, doctors appointments and decorating.

If DH wants to talk to his folks regularly-lovely. It doesn’t need to be a group hobby involving the whole house, though.

Rewis · 30/03/2021 12:54

I don't think talking to family once a week is too much. You might be happy with once a month, but some people want it to be more frequent. However, if it is your husbands family why do you participate weekly? You can easily just skip it when you are not feeling it and your husband can chat away.

MarshaBradyo · 30/03/2021 12:55

That’s a lot but can’t he just go ahead of he likes it?

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread