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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To find weekly zoom call too much

70 replies

KCpip · 28/03/2021 14:52

My husband’s family started a weekly zoom call during the first lockdown. It has continued from there. AIBU to find weekly a bit much? I only talk to my own parents every 3-4 weeks. There’s so little to talk about at the moment and once a week feels like loads but wondering if this is what everyone else is up to as well?

OP posts:
FakeFruitShoot · 28/03/2021 16:25

We do a family Zoom on a Sunday but we play an online game called Among Us with just a bit of chatting. Can't remember my last video call with friends. I speak almost daily to my mum and grandma but if you're not used to that then definitely it would be overwhelming.

Mixedupmuddle · 28/03/2021 16:28

We did a big family one at Christmas and I’m in no rush for another. Trying to get 17 adults if varying ages and 9 kids to listen to eachother and take turns was all sorts of fun Wink

luckylavender · 28/03/2021 16:35

God no, I have enough of work Zoom calls. I talk to my friends and family quite often on the telephone, not even FaceTime.

InFiveMins · 28/03/2021 16:48

I'm on the fence with this one. How long does each zoom call take? If it's just a quick 10 mins I think it's fine. If it's more like 30+ mins it's too much.

Reallybadidea · 28/03/2021 16:52

Just leave him to it, no reason that it needs to involve you.

LindaEllen · 28/03/2021 16:53

My dad insisted on 'Family Chat' every Sunday in the first lockdown but I eventually managed to break away from it.

I don't mind chatting to my family, but the problem is we also have a family chat group on Messenger which is active daily, and these video chats would go on for two hours - and started at 4pm when I really needed to be prepping for dinner (can't eat at lunchtime due to DP's job).

It's crazy. It was more than we spoke in normal times!

reluctantbrit · 28/03/2021 16:54

I think it depends on - for you - normal family dynamics. I would hate it as even before lockdown I wouldn't call my mum or skype my PIL on such a regular basis. We WhatsApp (in-laws) or phone if there is something to say. None of us loved chatting.

But I have a friend who is always speaking to her mum every 2-3 days plus WhatsApp or FB chats. So they moved to zoom if they include siblings or facetime a lot now.

I would say Hi and then do my own thing if your DH wants to continue this.

BackforGood · 28/03/2021 17:05

I agree with reluctantbrit
It depends on what is 'normal' for your family.

"Normally" I chat to my brother for about 10 mins about once every 2 - 3 months. That has continued, and we've stuck to the phone.
"Normally" (because she live much closer to me and our paths cross at various things we might both go to) i see my sister far more often, but I still don't have any need to 'zoom' with her in lockdown. We pass comment on FB or have a conversation by text or in one or another WhatsaPP groups every couple of day, so I know what is going on in her life and don't need to 'Zoom' to catch up like that.

OTOH, I have 2 or 3 different groups I'm in that it has been really nice to have a Zoom catch up two or three times over the year, to just see people's face and have a chat.
The crucial point is it is once every few months.
I couldn't be doing with it ever week BUT I am on zoom meetings 2 - 3 times a week due to different hobbies and volunteering I do. Maybe if I weren't, then I would rely on family more for that contact.

Entirely personal to each of us and our circumstances.

earthyfire · 28/03/2021 17:05

My husband is from a large family, they set up two zoom calls over Christmas, that's it. I was busy during one of those. Everything else is done over the phone or family WhatsApp groups. There is no way I'd have the commitment to do zoom calls every week!

AliceMcK · 28/03/2021 17:08

Far too much. We never did the regular catch ups anyway, just occasional or on special occasions like one of the kids birthdays.

Original poster
KCpip · 28/03/2021 19:06

Thanks for all the comments. It’s reassuring to know not everyone thinks this amount of contact is preferable. I wondered if I was being antisocial. The zooms always last an hour at least, sometimes longer. I’m hoping as the better weather arrives and we’re all allowed to do a bit more they will naturally stop or reduce. Even once a month would suit me but I suppose that’s the thing, everyone has a different level of interest in them. Personally it makes me feel like I’m back at work over the weekend. It’s not that I don’t enjoy speaking to anyone on it but the frequency of it coupled with the format of being online feels intense.

OP posts:
DobbyTheHouseElk · 28/03/2021 19:10

YANBU!

DH family does this every Sunday for 2 hrs. It’s disrupting our Sunday family time. I feel bad saying it because it’s to cheer a lone family member. But it goes on til lunchtime.

I wonder how we can stop it really. It’s been every Sunday since March 2020. Sometimes weekdays in addition.

Notaroadrunner · 28/03/2021 19:13

Why are you joining in? Say a quick hello when they come online and then leave your Dh to it. I have a zoom call with my family every few weeks. There is no way Dh would want or be expected to join in.

CateTown · 28/03/2021 19:52

I wouldn't Zoom but I think it's odd you only speak to your parents every few weeks.

TakeYourFinalPosition · 28/03/2021 21:38

Are my in-laws the only ones that would be worried and then upset if I didn’t join calls?

I’d probably get away with missing a call/visit every now and again, and DH wouldn’t mind me not going, but his parents would take it very personally.

stackemhigh · 28/03/2021 21:53

YANBU. Can he do the call in a separate room so you don't have to speak?

stackemhigh · 28/03/2021 21:54

@TakeYourFinalPosition

Are my in-laws the only ones that would be worried and then upset if I didn’t join calls?

I’d probably get away with missing a call/visit every now and again, and DH wouldn’t mind me not going, but his parents would take it very personally.

Sounds like wife work. I call my family, DH calls his. I speak to my MIL when I want to, not when they want me to!
Flowers24 · 28/03/2021 21:56

Not a Zoom fan!

Midlifelady · 28/03/2021 22:00

It's his family.
I do HouseParty twice a week with one group of friends. Lasts about an hour, sometimes more. We seem to have plenty to talk about!

JaninaDuszejko · 28/03/2021 22:00

DH talks to his Mum (who lives on her own) every couple of days. I say 'hi' every so often and have a quick chat which is fine. I avoid his big family zooms, they have quizes and all sorts of hellishness. My family have had 2 zoom calls, one each lockdown (one was for a big birthday). I much prefer a phonecall to a single person.

mammmamia · 28/03/2021 23:14

It’s not “wife work” FFS

My DH joins in with my family stuff as much as I do his... if either of us don’t feel like it or have something g else on that’s fine. We are all adults but that includes being decent human beings to family. Some of whom have been isolating for a year and want to see their family especially their GC.

Crowsaregreat · 28/03/2021 23:27

I feel your pain OP! Weekly zoom with ILs, I'd love to stop but they're bored and lonely. If I miss one they make a pointed comment at the next one.

bluechameleon · 29/03/2021 09:24

I do a weekly call with my family and we enjoy it. Our DHs don't get involved unless it is someone's birthday or Christmas or something. Leave your DH to it if he wants to join in.

stackemhigh · 29/03/2021 09:27

@mammmamia

It’s not “wife work” FFS

My DH joins in with my family stuff as much as I do his... if either of us don’t feel like it or have something g else on that’s fine. We are all adults but that includes being decent human beings to family. Some of whom have been isolating for a year and want to see their family especially their GC.

But that's not what's happening with some posters upthread. they are feeling obliged to talk to PIL. Not everything is about you!
Howshouldibehave · 29/03/2021 09:31

I would tell DH it’s too much for you considering how often you speak to your own parents and leave him to it. Is he saying you have to be there?!

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