To not let him eat McDonald's everyday?

[trionyx]

I know I'm bu but I'm posting here for traffic

My grandson is 18 and lives with us. Ever since he was young he's been a fussy eater and when he was at secondary school he never ate breakfast (he'd occasionally have toast) and he wouldn't eat any lunch but he would always eat anything I cooked for dinner. And he'd always eat a Sunday roast without any problems. Lockdown last year he didn't eat much in a day but he would always eat dinner. He went back to college and he was the same as before. Recently he's wanted McDonald's everyday for dinner and he says he 'doesn't like' what I cook even though he previously ate it. Today he said he doesn't want a Sunday roast for dinner and he wants McDonald's. I've said no (he said he doesn't have any money so I'd be paying for it) and he said he won't eat then. I obviously want him to eat and he is underweight but I don't want him to only eat McDonald's! When I asked what he does like he says he doesn't know

I'm at my wits end!

@ZeroFuchsGiven

Why are people saying make him watch supersize me? This is just an 18yo lad being a dick, op never said he was overweight ffs.

Supersize me isn't about being overweight. It is a (more or less) normal weight man who eats mcdonalds every meal for a month, and the effects it has on his physical and mental health.

The reason for the title is because one of the things he did was if they ever offered to "supersize" the meal (what we call Go Large here) he would say yes.

My son is 7 with ASD and has sensory issues, especially with food.

His Grandma cannot understand why he wont eat at her house, but her idea of a dinner is something he would find completely repellant.

Sit down with him and ask him exactly what sort of food he would like, and what his needs are. No wet food? No foods touching? Foods high in carbs or salt?

Sit down and agree compromises with him - one veg per meal (agree on veg), once a week he needs to try something new.

Try and make plain foods as best you can, it sounds like he might be struggling coming out of lock down and his anxieties are kicking up and restricting his eating habits.

All these people saying he's trying it on - my Dad had restricted eating at 18, at 60 still has ARFID and had a massive cholesterol inducing heart attack, in spite having a very fit and active lifestyle.

@1forAll74

I would not give money to someone who refuses your home cooking, your grandson at this age should not expect you to do so. bit

Lots of people seem to be addicted to McDonalds junky type of food, for some reason. its all pretty grim.It makes me cringe when you see all the TV ads, for McDonalds and such, when you see adults and children,sitting down at a table,, holding a burger with both hands,and, biting into a piled high burger that has all sorts of crap in it.

If I cooked for you grandson, if he can't cook anything himself ! and he left your food, I would put it back in the oven,or fridge, to serve up again the next day,.or he can go hungry for a couple of days.

How does someone holding a burger with two hands even register in your cringe-o-meter? Would you prefer they did it with one hand? A knife and fork? Chopsticks?

I personally would t give him the cash for Mac Donald’s

If he’s paying he can eat what he buys. No money he eats food you cook

@AntiSocialDistancer

My son is 7 with ASD and has sensory issues, especially with food.

His Grandma cannot understand why he wont eat at her house, but her idea of a dinner is something he would find completely repellant.

Sit down with him and ask him exactly what sort of food he would like, and what his needs are. No wet food? No foods touching? Foods high in carbs or salt?

Sit down and agree compromises with him - one veg per meal (agree on veg), once a week he needs to try something new.

Try and make plain foods as best you can, it sounds like he might be struggling coming out of lock down and his anxieties are kicking up and restricting his eating habits.

All these people saying he's trying it on - my Dad had restricted eating at 18, at 60 still has ARFID and had a massive cholesterol inducing heart attack, in spite having a very fit and active lifestyle.

This is exactly what I was thinking. @trionyx you sound lovely and understanding, and as your grandson is underweight and has always been fussy, there probably is an underlying reason.

The stress levels this year have been huge, and it really pushes people with restrictive eating back to very safe foods so they can cope with the stress. However there are two big issues, cost and health.

How good at communicating is your grandson? Can you have the conversations that you need to about health and how much McDonald's costs? Can you reach a compromise? Will he cook with you or shop with you?

I also have an autistic child with ARFID and your post really resonated with my experience of his food and eating issues (although my child would reject McDonald's... But that doesn't make it easier!)

Please put getting him to eat something first, and if you need to reach out for support from your GP.

Besides @trionyx your grandson wouldn't suddenly develop sensory issues at 18 years old! There would have been other very obvious problems before he got that age...

www.arfidawarenessuk.org/
He's not being fussy. I'd bet my house on it

@CityCommuter

Besides *@trionyx* your grandson wouldn't suddenly develop sensory issues at 18 years old! There would have been other very obvious problems before he got that age...

What on earth makes you think that a person who has always had issues with food (picky about what he does eat, only really ate one meal a day etc) wouldn't develop sensory issues at 18?

What is so difficult to comprehend about this person pretty much being on the functioning end of an eating disorder and tipping over the edge into non-functioning after a year of a pandemic?

Hes 18 not 8 tell him it's time he grew up and started acting like an adult. He can make his own dinner if he doesn't like yours.

When he was younger we let him choose what he wanted to eat as he used to cry or refuse if we gave him something he didn't want but he still ate a variety of food (especially fruit) and every meal. But as he got older he started only wanting sweets/crisps so we obviously said no but he still ate the variety of food. But since about year 9/10 he stopped eating lunch at school so he'd only eat dinner but would still eat crisps etc throughout the day and would sometimes eat toast for breakfast. The end of last year he'd eat pizza (with different toppings etc) and anything else I cooked. But now he doesn't eat anything apart from McDonald's and occasionally crisps

He doesn't work as he goes to college

All these people saying he's trying it on - my Dad had restricted eating at 18, at 60 still has ARFID and had a massive cholesterol inducing heart attack, in spite having a very fit and active lifestyle.

Presumably a heart attack due to high cholesterol is what OP is trying to avoid by not giving in and letting him have McD’s every day.

I think once a month is too often. No is a complete sentence.

It’s does sound like he could do with some help for his mental health.
This type of restricted eating is not normal or healthy.
It would be interesting to try and work out how it’s got to a point where macdonalds is the only option.

@ZeroFuchsGiven

Why are people saying make him watch supersize me? This is just an 18yo lad being a dick, op never said he was overweight ffs.

Have you seen it? It's nothing to do with being overweight. It's about a man who eats McDonald's every day for a number of weeks then shows the devastating impact it has had on his health in such a short space of time.

@PattyPan

All these people saying he's trying it on - my Dad had restricted eating at 18, at 60 still has ARFID and had a massive cholesterol inducing heart attack, in spite having a very fit and active lifestyle.

Presumably a heart attack due to high cholesterol is what OP is trying to avoid by not giving in and letting him have McD’s every day.

Obviously - what I am saying is now is the time to work with him to gently introduce healthy eating habits rather than push him to grow out of it. A number of comments have said 18 years old just try it on.

I'll go back and read my comments just to see where I said "feed him all the McDonalds he wants"

Did you ever consult the drs for help when he was younger? As he is an adult I don't know if you would be able to raise it with his gp due to confidentiality issues. What about raising it with his for tutor at college and see if you can get some support down that route?
@SpacePotato I don't think you are too far off the mark. Something clearly isn't right with him being so restrictive with his diet.

To throw another thought in...
op is his grandmother, whom he lives with.
So I guess something went wrong with his relationship his parents. I don’t want to intrude, or cause hurt, but difficulties with attachment/ attachment disorder can involve difficulties with food, including food restriction. This can sometimes be related to control, and as a response to anxiety. So in a year when anxiety is probably a factor, it isn’t a surprise that this has become more of an issue.
As to how to solve it- I wouldn’t buy the fast food.
I would have as much comfortable food as possible available throughout the day. I would also be looking for psychological help.

Apologies if this is off the mark or caused upset- I am aware there are many reasons he may not live with parents. Even if he has best relationship with you, the difficulties in previous experiences may underpin this.

@trionyx

When he was younger we let him choose what he wanted to eat as he used to cry or refuse if we gave him something he didn't want but he still ate a variety of food (especially fruit) and every meal. But as he got older he started only wanting sweets/crisps so we obviously said no but he still ate the variety of food. But since about year 9/10 he stopped eating lunch at school so he'd only eat dinner but would still eat crisps etc throughout the day and would sometimes eat toast for breakfast. The end of last year he'd eat pizza (with different toppings etc) and anything else I cooked. But now he doesn't eat anything apart from McDonald's and occasionally crisps

I did this as I'd wait til home time to buy loads of sweets with dinner money and eat them in the way home then sneakily eat more in bedroom at home. Loads of kids did, are you sure he wasn't doing that at year 9/10? At 18 you should be providing healthy meals that you're eating as well and if he doesn't want it he can make/buy his own, or.. well that's that. If you were that concerned about his weight you should've been to the doctors

@trionyx

He doesn't work as he goes to college

Most kids have a part time job as well, it's expected of everyone I know that age. I worked from 16 and was in education til 21 like all of my friends

There was a teen boy with a poor diet who went blind sadly due to a vit A defficiency. I think he needs to look at this diet.

Most kids have a part time job as well, it's expected of everyone I know that age. I worked from 16 and was in education til 21 like all of my friends
What age are you? It is much harder for under 18s to get jobs now compared to even 15 years ago when i was that age. A lot of places where we would have worked - shops, pubs, restaurants, now won't hire anyone under 18.

@ChocOrange1

Most kids have a part time job as well, it's expected of everyone I know that age. I worked from 16 and was in education til 21 like all of my friends What age are you? It is much harder for under 18s to get jobs now compared to even 15 years ago when i was that age. A lot of places where we would have worked - shops, pubs, restaurants, now won't hire anyone under 18.

23, worked in Homebase to start with then other retailers and occasional hairdressers

@ChocOrange1 retailers like hiring under 18s as its cheap