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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Lateral Flow Tests

58 replies

Bessicasbum · 28/03/2021 08:42

I had planned to take my five year old and two month old for a garden visit to my mum's next week. She obviously hasn't met the baby yet. I asked mum to do a LFT before we meet just for peace of mind (I know they're not necessarily accurate) She refuses. She has had her vaccine. Now my sister is weighing in very aggressively on mum's side after I appealed to her to talk to mum about how it might be a good idea to do one. I'm left in a situation now: do I forget it and take baby anyway and or still insist on test and risk a breakdown in family. BTW, my mil is more than willing to do a lft and dh is pretty peeved that my family think different.

OP posts:
ssd · 28/03/2021 08:45

She should do it to give you peace of mind.

mnahmnah · 28/03/2021 08:46

I wouldn’t get into an argument about it. I would do the garden visit, keeping a large distance and obviously no cuddling the baby.

kowari · 28/03/2021 08:46

Why would she need the test? Are you vulnerable?

PandaFluff · 28/03/2021 08:46

They are quite easy to do once you get the hang of them. Does she say why she won't do one?

PandaFluff · 28/03/2021 08:48

If she won't do one and that's what your family have decided to do then I would tell her that she won't be able to hold baby. As you all need to be distanced anyway unless a support bubble she shouldn't be expecting to.

PandaFluff · 28/03/2021 08:49

@kowari

Why would she need the test? Are you vulnerable?
It doesn't really matter why she needs the test. If she has legitimate access to one and OP is asking her to do one it's not a massive ask for a bit of reassurance for the new mum.
saraclara · 28/03/2021 08:51

She's vaccinated and this is a garden visit. Why are you asking her to do a test?

kowari · 28/03/2021 08:58

Shouldn't it be you and the five year old doing the test to protect your mother? Though if she's vaccinated I wouldn't be too worried.

islockdownoveryet · 28/03/2021 09:02

I don’t understand why she needs to take a test .
For peace of mind ok but those tests are for people in a childcare/ school bubble . I don’t think anyone can just rock up at the test centre ( depending where you live ) and say my dd wants me to take a test .
I think there is some danger here that people are going from cautious to severe ott .

MrsWombat · 28/03/2021 09:04

Unless she's in your childcare/support bubble she's not entitled to take one of the home ones anyway, and I don't blame her for not wanting to go to a testing centre to get one done.

Foofbrush · 28/03/2021 09:09

The research is still ongoing as to whether people who have been vaccinated can (a) become infected, and/or (b) infect other people.

However, lateral flow tests only test if the person has a high viral load and is shedding virus and is likely to infect other people. LF tests don't test for any covid infection. It's perfectly possible to have half a dozen negative LF tests and still be infected with covid.

londonrach · 28/03/2021 09:09

Surely its yourself and five year old who does the test to protect her or am I missing something.

Original poster
Bessicasbum · 28/03/2021 09:16

Thanks for the comments. Really helps to put things into perspective. To address a couple of things mentioned, she shouldn't really have an lft. They are ours because of our school age child. I just wanted her to do one this time because she spent an hour on the phone last week telling me how her friend (not in her supp bubble) has been having lunch every week at her house and how my sister has taken others not in the bubble to visit her. Also how much she is looking forward to cuddling the baby. And I'm a coward when it comes to standing up to people.

OP posts:
PandaFluff · 28/03/2021 09:17

It's a big adjustment to go from staying at home not seeing anyone because you are pregnant to suddenly being able to see people again. Especially with hormones still adjusting back to normal. So if taking a test would help reassure OP and her mum has access to one I don't see why she wouldn't. I know my mum would happily do all sorts of things she might think aren't needed if it put my mind at ease as I adjusted.

Original poster
Bessicasbum · 28/03/2021 09:17

We are going to do one as well. Just didn't mention that.

OP posts:
PandaFluff · 28/03/2021 09:19

In the first wave I know a few people let grandparents cuddle their babies if they wore a mask and gloves (one person who insisted on disposable aprons). You do what you need to to feel comfortable. It's your baby.

katienana · 28/03/2021 09:20

Your 5 year old is presumably at school mixing with 30 other kids their families and their contacts. Your mum doesn't really pose much risk to you at all

mrsbitaly · 28/03/2021 09:23

I will be taking my children for Easter round their grandparents garden for an egg hunt and will not be asking them to do a test. Children have been going to school mixing with 30 other children whos 30-60 parents have been with other family members within their households who have been going to shops possibly breaking rules. So I won't be making my family have a test when I send my kids to school with a greater risk. I'll also be taking my 14 month old. That said there will be no touching cuddling kissing.

Couchbettato · 28/03/2021 09:33

It doesn't really matter what other people think. These are your boundaries OP. Some people like your Mil respect those boundaries, other people like your mum and sister don't.

The real question is whether you're willing to let down your boundaries for their stubbornness or whether you're going to hold firm.

If your mum's anything like my family you'll want to hold firm with your boundaries or they'll just keep shitting on them as your kid gets older.

islockdownoveryet · 28/03/2021 09:38

Ok so your having a test but fair enough to ask but if she doesn’t want to or sees no reason to.
What reason did she give ?
I think if it’s outside she’s had the vaccine you’ve had a test then that’s as safe as you can be .
I’ll be seeing people this week too but I’ll not tell them to take a test although I’ll be testing .

Diemme · 28/03/2021 09:40

Have the school given permission for tests to be given to family and friends? Most schools just give out the right amount to pupils.

Norwaydidnthappen · 28/03/2021 09:40

The world is so weird right now. ‘No mum, you can’t meet your grandchild until you’ve had a test’. Just bizarre. You’ll be outdoors presumably keeping distance, just go see her.

midnightstar66 · 28/03/2021 09:47

You are unreasonable for a number of reasons. You can't go giving your tests out to anyone you fancy. Imagine if it was positive and she had to log it. She's not going to feel comfortable lying while setting up the account.

The LF are a load of rubbish anyway, we've had several people at work test positive last week and not one showed up on the LF that was taken the same day

You are going to be outside, the risk is low anyway and your mum is vaccinated. My parents look after DC every week and have done throughout the pandemic. Tbh I'm the only thing that had crossed my mind is my DC's risk to them not the other way round

KingstonTownThePlaceILongToBe · 28/03/2021 09:48

I'm seeing my nan this week and have planned to do a lateral flow test beforehand, it didn't cross my mind to demand she has one. She is the vulnerable one, not us.
You've asked and she's said no, I wouldnt cause a family fall out over this.

MargosKaftan · 28/03/2021 10:08

There are many areas where you can just go get a lateral flow test done. Theres one at our community centre. You don't need any symptoms or be working with the public or anything. Anyone can go get a test- and I expect them to be busy towards the end of the week with people who are planning garden meet ups going to get a test done.

OP - the risk is low, but its shitty your mum won't do this.

If you dont feel comfortable going round when she's not tested, given whatever your local covid rates are - then that's your choice.

I'm very relaxed about covid now, but then im in a town thats had the "0-2" undeclared covid numbers for a few weeks and noone in my household is vunerable. If I lived somewhere with high covid numbers or had a new baby I might feel very different.

Its ok for you to wait a bit longer to see your mum. You don't have to do exact equal access between MIL and your Mum if you dont feel comfortable.