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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Lateral Flow Tests

58 replies

Bessicasbum · 28/03/2021 08:42

I had planned to take my five year old and two month old for a garden visit to my mum's next week. She obviously hasn't met the baby yet. I asked mum to do a LFT before we meet just for peace of mind (I know they're not necessarily accurate) She refuses. She has had her vaccine. Now my sister is weighing in very aggressively on mum's side after I appealed to her to talk to mum about how it might be a good idea to do one. I'm left in a situation now: do I forget it and take baby anyway and or still insist on test and risk a breakdown in family. BTW, my mil is more than willing to do a lft and dh is pretty peeved that my family think different.

OP posts:
kowari · 28/03/2021 10:10

@Couchbettato

It doesn't really matter what other people think. These are your boundaries OP. Some people like your Mil respect those boundaries, other people like your mum and sister don't.

The real question is whether you're willing to let down your boundaries for their stubbornness or whether you're going to hold firm.

If your mum's anything like my family you'll want to hold firm with your boundaries or they'll just keep shitting on them as your kid gets older.

No, her DM is respecting her own boundaries. Her body, her decision. Disrespecting the OP's boundaries would be if she lied about doing a test. The OP can choose what she wants to do now.
islockdownoveryet · 28/03/2021 10:13

@midnightstar66

You are unreasonable for a number of reasons. You can't go giving your tests out to anyone you fancy. Imagine if it was positive and she had to log it. She's not going to feel comfortable lying while setting up the account.

The LF are a load of rubbish anyway, we've had several people at work test positive last week and not one showed up on the LF that was taken the same day

You are going to be outside, the risk is low anyway and your mum is vaccinated. My parents look after DC every week and have done throughout the pandemic. Tbh I'm the only thing that had crossed my mind is my DC's risk to them not the other way round

I’m assuming you meant they tested negative on the pcr test? So they had false positives?
midnightstar66 · 28/03/2021 10:15

I’m assuming you meant they tested negative on the pcr test? So they had false positives?

No, false negatives on LF. I'm not sure if it's nationwide but here in Scotland you're asked to take a PCR when identified as a contact. PCR's were positive in several people who had taken LF the same day as routine.

4Mongrels · 28/03/2021 10:16

I think your school age child is a bigger risk to your family than your vaccinated mother.

I wouldn’t use a test that had been given to you for other reasons, they’re given out to test school age children, not their extended families.

So what’s right for you but personally I think your Mum doesn’t need to test.

Howshouldibehave · 28/03/2021 10:16

The LFD tests are really not very accurate-I wouldn’t bother. You’re probably far more at risk from having covid with school-age children than she is!

LividLiving · 28/03/2021 10:18

You’re not unreasonable.

I had a baby last March when things were very unknown.

Everybody in my NCT group had parents willing to isolate for two weeks to meet the babies as safely as possible. My mum, retired and alcoholic, insisted on going round several supermarkets a day.

AllThatFancyPaintsAsFair · 28/03/2021 10:20

If you're outside and keeping your distance my personal opinion is that it's way OTT to be doing tests. The risk is miniscule. Have you thought about how you're going to cope with normal life in a few months time, you can't expect everyone to take tests all the time.

Rowgtfc72 · 28/03/2021 10:20

Weve been advised at work not to have a lateral flow test for a certain amount of time after the vaccination.

Original poster
Bessicasbum · 28/03/2021 10:24

Thanks again for further comments (even the ones that made me a bit squeaky bum when reading). It's made me realise that the issue is really more about family dynamics. For those that asked, she gave the reason that she hasn't been exposed so poses no risk. I beg to differ with her on that one for reasons I gave above. I see that most people who disagree with the lft would insist on no physical contact. This is the real issue I think which I hadn't realised (daftly). I know she will want normal physical contact with baby (she is lonely and needs touch) and that I will not have the balls to refuse. My crazy lft idea was as the only sort of insurance policy for us all that I could give. And I have been hurt by my family's apparent lack of understanding of my feelings. BTW, there seems to be a massive regional variation in the availability of lft. We've been given loads no questions asked and a breezy pop round if you need more. I'm not planning on giving them away willy nilly - it's only two out of 48 this once for peace of mind. But thanks again, it's been so hard for so long. I've never known a time when what should be a normal life event (gp meeting new baby) is such headeff.

OP posts:
4Mongrels · 28/03/2021 10:26

But why would you want her test her only this once? Why would you not feel the same next time?

historygeek · 28/03/2021 10:29

@Foofbrush

The research is still ongoing as to whether people who have been vaccinated can (a) become infected, and/or (b) infect other people.

However, lateral flow tests only test if the person has a high viral load and is shedding virus and is likely to infect other people. LF tests don't test for any covid infection. It's perfectly possible to have half a dozen negative LF tests and still be infected with covid.

I took a LFT (teacher) and it came back negative. That afternoon lost my sense of smell and got a positive PCR.
Alternista · 28/03/2021 10:37

Yes, the risk is pretty low, but it isn’t zero and it’s more than it could have been if your Mum’s been socialising, so I think it’s pretty shitty for her to refuse to do this for you tbh.

PregnantGotCovid · 28/03/2021 10:44

I think you're being reasonable. I think it's a good way of giving you some reassurance, with minor inconvenience for your mother.

You want to protect your baby. Yes your mother is fairly low risk to you, but especially as she has been breaking thr rules, you are reasonable to be concerned.

PregnantGotCovid · 28/03/2021 10:45

@kowari

Why would she need the test? Are you vulnerable?
How are you not understanding that she's worried about her new born? Perfectly clear from her post, and understandable.
dementedpixie · 28/03/2021 10:48

You will be outdoors where spread is less likely. Ask her to wear a mask if holding the baby

Original poster
Bessicasbum · 28/03/2021 10:49

@4Mongrels

But why would you want her test her only this once? Why would you not feel the same next time?
Yeah I had thought of that but, hey, most of our senior politicians can't plan a fortnight ahead either. 😊
OP posts:
DietrichandDiMaggio · 28/03/2021 10:54

The reason families of schoolchildren have them is to hopefully prevent children taking it into school and passing it on there, not for the benefit of children, who are highly unlikely to be very unwell if they catch Covid.

kowari · 28/03/2021 10:54

How are you not understanding that she's worried about her new born? It was my understanding that the risk increases primarily with age? So children are least at risk. The opposite to something like pertussis. My XMIL was offered the pertussis vaccine as it can be given to adults in close contact with infants where we were at the time. She refused, I was annoyed by that but accepted it was her choice.

Thatwentbadly · 28/03/2021 10:57

Where is she going to get the test from? Private ones are expensive and she isn’t in a bubble with a school age child so isn’t entitled to one from the government. Are you planning on not following social distancing guidelines?

Tinydinosaur · 28/03/2021 10:59

@Bessicasbum

Thanks for the comments. Really helps to put things into perspective. To address a couple of things mentioned, she shouldn't really have an lft. They are ours because of our school age child. I just wanted her to do one this time because she spent an hour on the phone last week telling me how her friend (not in her supp bubble) has been having lunch every week at her house and how my sister has taken others not in the bubble to visit her. Also how much she is looking forward to cuddling the baby. And I'm a coward when it comes to standing up to people.
I wouldn't be going. She may be vaccinated but she's high risk due to her behaviour and the last thing you need is to catch anything with a 2 month old.
saraclara · 28/03/2021 11:00

No, her DM is respecting her own boundaries. Her body, her decision. Disrespecting the OP's boundaries would be if she lied about doing a test

Exactly. It's funny how MN is really hot on posters' own boundaries, while dismissing anyone else's.

OP, if you're going to test every single person who comes into contact with your baby, every single time they do so (which is what logically follows from your plan for your mum), it's going to get ridiculous. Do you test your daughter every single day?

Seriously, chill. Numbers are right down, and the stats seem to be saying that vaccinated people are unlikely to pass on the virus. The likelihood of your mum pickling it up is minimal, and if she did, on top of that, the risk of her then passing it on is also very small. You're over-thinking a risk that's barely there.

Cuntryhouse · 28/03/2021 11:05

The facility is there to be used to help stop the spread of the virus, so why not use it? It's common sense to me. I have to test twice a week whilst working. It provides reassurance, it exists and it's free. What's the big deal?

Holly60 · 28/03/2021 11:05

OP I can see that this is less about whether or not your mum can do a test, and more about the fact that she is refusing to do something that would cause her no harm, would take 5 minutes, and would put your (her daughter) mind at rest. Why wouldn’t she do that?? I agree it seems unnecessarily cruel and petty. I’m a DM and DGM and I would not hesitate to do it.

Holly60 · 28/03/2021 11:06

That should read should do a test rather than can

Cuntryhouse · 28/03/2021 11:08

Most places offer community testing, she doesn't need to use your tests.