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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not have let dd go to his house?

42 replies

spillerete · 27/03/2021 21:31

I've namechanged for this but I need opinions

My dd turned 15 last month. She's been dating a boy (16) since January. At first they couldn't see eachother but they do now at school and on the bus. Dd asked me earlier if she could go to his house tonight (to sleep around) I said no due to Covid and also because dd is young. Dd said Covid doesn't matter as they see eachother at school anyway so I'm bu

Would you have done the same as me? And aibu

OP posts:
AnneLovesGilbert · 27/03/2021 21:32

I’m assuming you mean sleep over, not around. And yes, I’d have said no too. She’s just turned 15!

Garlia · 27/03/2021 21:33

Of course saying no was the right thing.

Bopahula · 27/03/2021 21:34

Yanbu. No way to a sleepover. She's 15.

Wowzel · 27/03/2021 21:35

I wouldn't have said yes at 15.

ButIcantsitonleather · 27/03/2021 21:36

Yeah I wouldn’t be actively smoothing their way to underage sex either. 🤷🏻‍♀️

Wishitsnows · 27/03/2021 21:38

Yes hangout but sleepover at that age are you mad?!

Bootskates · 27/03/2021 21:38

In terms of covid they're around each other anyway but like others have said I would say no to her staying the night on the basis of her age.

firedog · 27/03/2021 21:41

Depends if you want them to have sex lol

Bootskates · 27/03/2021 21:42

I realise you said that but seems like shes clinging to the covid reason to persuade you, just stick to the age reason

IceCreamAndCandyfloss · 27/03/2021 21:46

No, rules don’t allow it. Why does she need to sleep over anyway given she’s under 16.

Gooseygoosey12345 · 27/03/2021 21:52

I wouldn't have let her sleep over either, but it's just as likely they'll have sex if she's not sleeping over. I probably wouldn't let her go round, maybe I'm a bit overprotective, I'd have let him come over so I could keep an eye

PurBal · 27/03/2021 21:54

Would have done the same due to COVID rules too. But posters realise that people have sex during the day and not in a bed right? If they're going to have sex, they're going to do it anyway. Safe sex talk and condoms required.

BonnesVacances · 27/03/2021 21:55

Dd said Covid doesn't matter as they see eachother at school anyway

If they see each other outside of school as well, they are doubling the risk of transmission. More so in this case as I'll bet they're not exchanging saliva at school, and if they are it won't be for the hours they will definitely be doing that round his house.

Namechange1991x · 27/03/2021 21:57

My dad never let me have boys over or stay at theirs...even in my 20s...

Thenanny23 · 27/03/2021 22:01

They haven’t been together long and she is 15!

Absolutely not.

You need to talk to her about contraception and consent if you haven’t already.

Whybot · 27/03/2021 22:05

This may surprise some of us . It did me .
I think this happens more than we admit www.everyonesinvited.uk/

firedog · 27/03/2021 22:07

OP said they just see each other at school & on bus so I was assuming they aren't hanging round at his house normally.. hopefully not having sex in school Wink

ikeepseeingit · 27/03/2021 22:11

I would wait until 16 to let her stay over. Although it's more preferable at that age that he stays at yours on the couch! A good talk about contraception (regardless of sleepovers) is needed now, and ask her if she needs you (or her) to set up a doctor's appointment about it. You could go and wait outside for the appointment, my mum did the same for me at 16 and I am forever grateful.

Original poster
spillerete · 27/03/2021 22:17

Dd told me if they were still just friends I would let her (I wouldn't). Dd said she hated me etc. Even if there wasn't Covid I still wouldn't feel comfortable as dd is underaged and I explained that to dd but she said I should trust them as they were friends for a while before and I've met him

OP posts:
SplendidSuns1000 · 27/03/2021 22:18

Give her the talk (including consent and contraception) and limit her to just visits for now. If they want sleepovers they can sleep seperately in your house at some point.

SplendidSuns1000 · 27/03/2021 22:19

She doesn't hate you, she might've just already told him you'd said yes. Explain that you're doing it to make sure they're both ok. In a few years she'll understand!

Cherrysoup · 27/03/2021 22:20

Christ, no, of course she’s not to sleep round at his!

ImAlrightThanx · 27/03/2021 22:36

I wouldn't use the excuse of covid restrictions. They'll end (hopefully soon), and then she'll try to persuade you again.
Tell her no sleepovers with partners until x age (whatever you feel is appropriate). And make sure she knows about safe sex and consent.

funnylittlefloozie · 27/03/2021 22:53

God no, of course you're not wrong to put your foot down and set a boundary.

Next time Mr Lover Lover comes to your house, talk to him in graphic detail about contraception, safe sex and the hideous cost of supporting a child when you're only 16 or 17 yourself. Basically, embarrass the crap out of both of them.

LifesLittleDeciders · 27/03/2021 22:59

Hm. I was 15 once, I first had sex at 15. I regret it now. But my mum at first wouldn’t allow sleep overs which meant sex happened in less than adequate places.

Then I told my mum I was having sex; as I have a guy pod relationship with her and she’s always been one and honest (which I think is detrimental if you want your children to trust you too) - and after her initial shock and (probable but not revealing disappointment) she started allowing sleepovers because.. well if they’re going to have sex they could be doing it safely in bed or in an alleyway, school, field, friends house ect.

Personally I would outright ask DD what the expectations are and go from there.

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