To not have let dd go to his house?

[spillerete]

I've namechanged for this but I need opinions

My dd turned 15 last month. She's been dating a boy (16) since January. At first they couldn't see eachother but they do now at school and on the bus. Dd asked me earlier if she could go to his house tonight (to sleep around) I said no due to Covid and also because dd is young. Dd said Covid doesn't matter as they see eachother at school anyway so I'm bu

Would you have done the same as me? And aibu

You’ve done the responsible thing for the boy, too. At 16, he could, in theory, be prosecuted for having sex with a minor. I know it happens, of course it does, and as I’m sure you have, you need to well prepare your daughter so she’s going into things well informed and empowered. But enabling it with a sleepover? Nope. (Wonder if his parents would be keen either- given my first point...)??

Well telling you she hates you is really showing she's mature enough to stay at his isn't it

@Firsttimecatlady

You’ve done the responsible thing for the boy, too. At 16, he could, in theory, be prosecuted for having sex with a minor. I know it happens, of course it does, and as I’m sure you have, you need to well prepare your daughter so she’s going into things well informed and empowered. But enabling it with a sleepover? Nope. (Wonder if his parents would be keen either- given my first point...)??

Dd said his parents 'wouldve been fine with it'.

Dd has just asked if she can go to his tomorrow (not to sleep over) and I said no because of how she acted earlier

It's a tough one. Nobody wants to be encouraging under age sex, but if they are going to they will anyway. How much should we trust them? If she has been open and honest then maybe you should be discussing consent, contraception and the right to say no. Parents don't bat an eyelid if it is a same sex sleepover, yet it could easily be a relationship the parent isn't aware of albeit one that doesn't carry the risk of pregnancy.

Absolutely not. You did the right thing OP.

I think you’ve done the right thing. She’s young but also even though they are seeing each other at school going to his home will in all likelihood mean contact with other family members which opens up chains of transmission for Covid that wouldn’t be there through school e.g his parents being positive and passing it to your daughter.

I wouldn't allow it. I'd be wary if I was the boy's mother too, it's asking for trouble letting a 16 year old boy have an under 16 year girl sleep there.

You've done the right thing. You're the parent, she can't talk to you like that. I agree with PP as well

OP have you spoken to his parents? I claimed all sorts at that age

Just turned 15 would be too young for a boyfriend sleepover for me.

Ywanbu x

YANBU but I don't think you should be bringing COVID into the argument at all, to be honest.

The reason for saying no is because she's underage and it's not appropriate. Because otherwise you give the impression that it would be okay if it wasn't for COVID.

@firedog

OP have you spoken to his parents? I claimed all sorts at that age

No I haven't spoken to his parents yet.

Teenage parents I know have consulted with the other parent before hand too

I mean sex can happen anywhere, and not being able to do it in a bedroom often mean that you do it somewhere else (the park, abandoned buildings, friend’s house are all but a few of the ones I did at the beginning of my sex life).

I am not saying encourage her to have sex but I would say build a trust-worthy relationship with her. Let her know that you were 15 once and create an environment in which she will come to you if need be. You can’t stop your 15yo from having sex so having a strict stance on sleepover might seem like the adequate thing to do but knowing what happened to me in my youth I would fight to ensure my kid knows what I think but that ultimately it is their body and their choice ant that if they are going to do it, I would rather they do it in a safe space where protections are available and where it might be easier for your daughter to say no. It’s easier yo say no if your mom is next door than if you are in an abandoned building for example.

@firedog

Teenage parents I know have consulted with the other parent before hand too

I'll speak to his parents. I've spoken to dd about consent etc and she said that he won't force her to do anything she doesn't want to. I still feel uncomfortable about dd seeing him outside of school

Of course not for sleeping over, however it won’t stop them having sex and she’s nearly 16.

I would try and get him over for dinner (garden) or whatever so you can get to know him better, and once you’ve done that a couple times also meet the parents.

They both need to be spoken to about contraception and how to lay hands on it, and ditto the morning after pill (with warnings that you cannot take it often), and reminders that pulling out doesn’t work. etc etc