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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Husband sanding indoors!

77 replies

Helgahellcat · 27/03/2021 17:39

During the second lockdown my DH took up a new hobby of woodworking. (He tends to get a new hobby every couple of months which becomes an obsession). He was making little wooden boxes as gifts for people but made our lives hell. We are a six person family (2 adults & 4 kids) living in a two bedroom terraced house with a very small back garden. He took over the kitchen and conservatory which we use as a dining room, and ranted, raved and shouted at me and the kids if we went anywhere near the rooms and I was expected to keep our 2 and 3 year olds confined to the living room without them playing up and ‘distracting’ him.
Thankfully this obsession subsided after a few weeks but during this latest lockdown it has come back with a vengeance and now instead of making small trinket boxes he has started making tables and chairs and benches. He bought hundreds of pounds worth of power tools and for the past 3 weeks or so has been using them in the house including the sander which has made thick sawdust all over everything. He has power tools and wood stored everywhere including the kitchen worktops and cookers which means some days I have been unable to eat (I’ve bought takeaway for the kids but I have a complex health issues which mean I can’t eat that sort of thing). Again he is getting angry with us and when I told him it’s unacceptable to be doing this in a house let alone with small children, he has turned around and told me I am unreasonable and disrespectful for trying to stop him from doing his hobby and something he loves. He also does it late, even past midnight including using the power tools so we are all kept awake.
We have put up with it until today but now we all have sore throats, irritated eyes and skin and problems with our noses being blocked and streaming due to the sawdust so I asked him again to please stop it for now or at least until summer when the better weather comes or until we move to somewhere with a garage. Again he got angry and turned everything around on me and said he never complains about my hobbies which disrupt the household; I do tarot readings when all the kids are in bed and DH is on shift at work and I do PT sessions for clients at 6am before everyone wakes up. He also said I should be thankful he’s not out getting drunk every night or having affairs like most men. Realising he won’t listen I have come to my mum’s house.
I don’t like breaking the lockdown rules but feel I have no choice. My mum’s is only a small 2 bed house so me and the four children cannot stay here so we will head home late tonight and come back early in the morning and do this everyday until he hopefully stops. I would just like honest opinions about this and if I am the one in the wrong here? I’m mentally exhausted from it and don’t know what to do. Thank you.

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 27/03/2021 17:41

Your husband is unhinged. Breathing that sawdust in is very, very unhealthy.

Igmum · 27/03/2021 17:46

So sorry to hear this OP. You've done the right thing. It is appalling what he is putting you through

sherrystrull · 27/03/2021 17:47

Honestly he sound selfish and horrific. You are being hugely patient.

He'd be better selling his tools and using the money to help you all move to somewhere bigger.

KeepCoolCalmAndCollected · 27/03/2021 17:53

Words fail me, apart from I would sand both of his hands off.

EKGEMS · 27/03/2021 17:55

Your husband sounds incredibly unwell and needs to be assessed by a psychiatrist. He sounds as if he has severe anxiety and obsession. I cannot imagine six people living in such a small home let alone being confined even further to a single room and being unable to cook for them. Power tools around toddlers and children is a dangerous combination and saw dust in your home severe enough to cause physical illness? Social services would prolly be intervening should they find out. I do not know how you've tolerated this but I truly think if he's so selfish and irrational he needs serious,intense help and I would be getting my ducks in a row for the future of yourself and your babies. Please practice good contraceptives.

Helgahellcat · 27/03/2021 17:58

Thanks for taking the time to reply. The opinion of someone else helps hugely as I feel like I am going mad. Thank you.

OP posts:
AlCalavicci · 27/03/2021 18:00

He is been a total arse ! no way should you have to put up with that .

If he feels he HAS to do his hobby he should buy a shed and sod off in there , there is no way I would put up with constant wood work going on in the house , I lightly sanded door last week end and I am still cleaning up the sawdust

WhoKnew19 · 27/03/2021 18:02

@EKGEMS

Your husband sounds incredibly unwell and needs to be assessed by a psychiatrist. He sounds as if he has severe anxiety and obsession. I cannot imagine six people living in such a small home let alone being confined even further to a single room and being unable to cook for them. Power tools around toddlers and children is a dangerous combination and saw dust in your home severe enough to cause physical illness? Social services would prolly be intervening should they find out. I do not know how you've tolerated this but I truly think if he's so selfish and irrational he needs serious,intense help and I would be getting my ducks in a row for the future of yourself and your babies. Please practice good contraceptives.
Absolutely agree, this is not normal or acceptable behaviour. I have no idea how you have stuck it out for so long! Well done for going to your Mum's, please think about a permanent solution. Photographic evidence to keep in case you need it would be useful if you are able to, as this is really abnormal behaviour. YADNBU!
firedog · 27/03/2021 18:05

Sounds like a mental health issue to me. Saw dust is extremely bad for the lungs and can cause health issues. He we needs a workshop with proper extraction.

Bagelsandbrie · 27/03/2021 18:07

He sounds like he has some sort of mental health issue going on- I’m thinking mania / compulsive disorder. Has he ever been investigated for anything like this?

Doyoumindfisithere · 27/03/2021 18:09

He is either unwell or very unpleasant.

Does he have any family who could talk to him?

CombatBarbie · 27/03/2021 18:10

Tell him to buy a pop up gazebo and fuck off into the garden. A 2 bed house is not the place for indoor power tools.

Aquamarine1029 · 27/03/2021 18:10

Saw dust is extremely bad for the lungs and can cause health issues.

Absolutely. My uncle is a master woodworker, with a proper workshop that has a top of the line extraction system, and he would have a heart attack knowing your children were living in that environment. This has got to stop.

Elletine · 27/03/2021 18:12

YANBU!!!!! He sounds a bit unhinged OP! I can’t believe he’s putting his own hobby/ obsession above the health of his wife and kids?? Is he this unreasonable about other things? I know it’s easy to spout LTB on here but with you and the kids that low down his priority list I think you should seriously consider things. Why should your kids live like this??? He sounds awful Flowers

StormcloakNord · 27/03/2021 18:14

Echo PP's. He needs a mental health assessment ASAP. Nobody, even a really horrible, mean person would insist on covering their own home in sawdust just for the sake of a hobby.

In the meantime, if he can afford hundreds of pounds on power tools then he can afford a gazebo for the back garden & can work there.

Also please take the health concerns from PP seriously, breathing in sawdust like that is so incredibly bad for you, even worse for the little lungs.

Jumpers268 · 27/03/2021 18:16

I find if worrying that you could possibly think you're in the wrong here. I'm guessing, as above, he has mental health issues (or he's just an absolute arsehole). But no, not in any way are you wrong here.

LemonSwan · 27/03/2021 18:20

There is nothing more I hate than sanding during DIY let alone a wood work shop!. Fucking hell are my only words.

Huge sympathy Flowers

Girliefriendlikespuppies · 27/03/2021 18:21

I actually could not live with someone that selfish, I think it's LTB territory tbh.

GreenBalaclava · 27/03/2021 18:23

Your husband sounds like an absolute twat OP.

Pythone · 27/03/2021 18:23

Did he notice or care on the days that you were unable to eat? He sounds like a complete tosser.

Helgahellcat · 27/03/2021 18:25

Thanks for your reply! I have taken lots of photos and videos including videos of him using power tools and hammering past midnight.
I have contacted the council with regards to getting help to leave but they have said I will be classed as making myself voluntarily homeless so they are not obliged to help. I am going to contact CAB on Monday for advice as can’t live like this anymore. Thank you.

OP posts:
Leeds2 · 27/03/2021 18:27

YANBU. A 2 bed terrace house is not the place to be making tables/chairs etc. There isn't the room, let alone your children needing the space to play.
Surely he is also disturbing your neighbours?

Helgahellcat · 27/03/2021 18:29

He does have mental health issues and was diagnosed with depression and anxiety during the first lockdown and was prescribed sertraline. His behaviour improved hugely after this but it has spiralled again since the second lockdown.

OP posts:
CombatBarbie · 27/03/2021 18:33

Are your neighbours not complaining at late night noise? 😳

DimidDavilby · 27/03/2021 18:33

Have you spoken to woman's aid? The shouting is emotional abuse. He should be the one to leave. Are you renting?