To hate "girly" nights ? Does anyone else?

[cheryl334]

Don't get me wrong I love meeting up with friends for food and drinks and a good chat etc but I hate girly nights in.
Tonight a friend is coming over for takeaway and wine(so will be staying over)
The only place she can stay is in my bedroom so she will be snoring away.
She gets loud after a few drinks and wants the music on and to dance around the living room.

I honestly can't be bothered but she lives alone and is desperate for company (we are in the same bubble and go for walks etc )

Aibu ? Does anyone else just love own space?

Why can't one of you sleep on the sofa?
I hate sharing bed with people other than DH and DS so I'd much rather crash on a sofa or throw cushions on the floor

I was disagreeing until you described the sleeping situation. Music in the room would drive me bonkers. Could you explain to her that you love your sleep and offer her the couch? I think I'd even rather take the couch myself to get sleep.

I clicked on this thinking it would be a rant about "girls" instead of "women", a disease in Australia.

Anyhoo.

That's not a girly night in, it's someone you don't want in your bed.

Agree that’s not a girly night in, that’s someone you don’t like coming to your house and staying

Have some boundaries, if you don’t want her there don’t say yes or invite her. It’s nothing to do with the rest of the female population.

I’m afraid I was already grinding my teeth at the word “girly”!

Yanbu, that would be really annoying. I used to enjoy a takeaway and wine night with friends but I liked to go home to my own bed in peace. It's a lot easier to be the guest if you've got a dynamic like that so that you can leave.

Could you not go to her place and get a taxi? Are taxis still a thing?

A meal, drinks and a chat sounds great.

I wouldn't dance around the living room - sounds fun in theory but is just awkward.

If she really can't go home, I would give her the bed and sleep on the sofa. I am too old to share a bed with anyone other than my husband.

@Bluntness100

Agree that’s not a girly night in, that’s someone you don’t like coming to your house and staying

Have some boundaries, if you don’t want her there don’t say yes or invite her. It’s nothing to do with the rest of the female population.

Exactly.

She sounds fun tbh.

I don't like calling it 'girly, but I love a night boozing, dancing, singing with my friends/sisters and can't fucking wait to do it again.

Sharing a bed though- fuck that.

She lives 45 mins away and the taxi would be near £50.
If it was just the takeaway etc I would love it
It's just the sleeping arrangements.

My sofa is tiny and not the most comfy so she won't sleep on it.

You don't sound you like her much so why bother?

Though yeah, fuck sharing a bed. Can't you go to hers?

Of course I like her.
I just have anxiety and don't cope well with things changing.
I have a routine in my house ,cuppa for bed etc
It sounds mad but if anything changes my anxiety goes sky high.

Whereabouts in the world ? Here we are not allowed sleepovers, or even indoor socialising... envious, well, would be envious til it actually happened, then I'd be whinging about wanting my own space...

How is she getting to yours? Is it £50 just for the return taxi?
I totally understand as I hate the thought of sleepovers with friends and want my own space.

@cheryl334

Of course I like her. I just have anxiety and don't cope well with things changing. I have a routine in my house ,cuppa for bed etc It sounds mad but if anything changes my anxiety goes sky high.

Well, that’s fine, but why not say that and not invite her? It seems completely mad to subject yourself to an evening and night you’re going to hate every second of, especially if you’re only doing so out of a mistaken idea that this is some kind of inevitable ‘girly night’ that is required any time two or more women socialise together.

I’m female and I’ve literally never done this kind of night, because I would hate it. I have a lot of female friends, and I don’t suffer from anxiety, I’d just not find it any fun.

I hate 'girly' activities, but what's 'girly' about takeaway and music, they are not stereotypical female activities? I'd make her up a bed on the sofa though!

@BeyondMyWits

Whereabouts in the world ? Here we are not allowed sleepovers, or even indoor socialising... envious, well, would be envious til it actually happened, then I'd be whinging about wanting my own space...

Where are you? In England we are if we are in a support bubble like the OP.

'Oh dear you have suddenly become concerned that one of your neighbours will report you to the police, being unaware of your support bubble with her. You'll have to cancel, sorry.'

Or find some other reason to cancel it and replace with meeting in the local park or outside the cafe later in the week. Life is too short to have to have unpleasant experiences you can avoid.

Agreed, understand she really wants company but it has to be something you'd both enjoy.
Suggest a walk instead or cafés are opening outdoors in 2 weeks' time.

Each to their own I guess.

I haven't had a sleepover with a friend for over a year, so am a bit jealous.

Sounds like you find your friend hard work though, so can see why you're not keen.

Ok, so it’s not you “ can’t be bothered” it’s you have mental health issues and can’t cope with someone in your home and your routine changing?

Then you need to say no to her. It’s nothing to do with girly nights

I don’t understand what you mean by ‘girly’ nights - this is just a friend who annoys you if she stays over.

If the snoring is the main problem get a blow up mattress and put her in the living room. Or if you don’t like these evenings at all stick to day time meet ups (tell her you have some new meds that are making you tired if necessary).

Could you not work this out for yourself? 🤔

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