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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think I can’t go back to uni?

31 replies

BlowingBubble · 27/03/2021 07:41

2 years ago I was in the 2nd year of my nursing degree. During one lecture the lecturer started banging on about how we’re “reading nursing” as that’s what you’re meant to say. He repeated it numerous times throughout the lecture. “You’re not studying nursing, you’re reading nursing” etc etc. I found it irritating.
A few weeks later in another lecture with same guy he started on about it again. “You read a subject, you’re reading nursing.... “ etc etc. I suddenly lost it and shouted “for fucks sake not this again”. I was absolutely mortified, I did not mean to shout that out, it wasn’t planned or considered, it just came out. I made a quick exit with an apology as I left. I then went to speak to the lecturer afterwards and apologised profoundly. He was good about it but obviously reported the outburst as I accepted he would have to. I was spoken to and warned not to do it again.
I spent every lecture worrying that it would happen again to the point where I was only half listening and half thinking about other stuff to avoid this happening.
A few months later it happened again only this time the outburst was directed at a number of students and a tutor. They were asking irrelevant questions, we had already gone way over time, the tutor was banging on about irrelevant stuff in response and I suddenly lost my shit. After this I had to take a year out. Obviously in the meantime Covid hit. I’ve now been away two years and don’t think I can ever go back. Other outbursts have happened since and I know deep down I couldn’t work in nursing anyway when I can’t control my mouth. I don’t know why this is happening, it happened once as a child but never since until now. I have been referred to mental health team but again with Covid nothing is happening. Uni have invited me back. I don’t know what to do

OP posts:

Woodlandbelle · 27/03/2021 07:46

Oh you poor thing if they have invited you back that is really positive.
You were only telling the truth but I know we all have to let it out. I tend to in the car on the way home. I don't know how you can get help for this but I wouldnt not nurse over it. Such an important career.

Hadjab · 27/03/2021 08:06

I think you’re right to question your suitability for nursing. Just to be clear, I’m not saying you can’t do the job, but you will need the patience of a saint in order to deal with difficult patients, other staff members and testing circumstances, but this is something you can work on.

Laggartha · 27/03/2021 08:14

Oh, OP, I know that feeling of frustration and worry that I'm about to guffaw or sign in exasperation.

I think it's such a shame to drop out at this stage if you still want to pursue this profession. This does seem like a fairly easily "treatable" situation. Why don't you chat to the course leader about your concerns?

CloudFormations · 27/03/2021 08:22

I think this is the kind of thing you could overcome with the right kind of therapy or counselling, if you still really want to pursue nursing. I do understand your concerns of course because nursing is a profession where you need to be very patient and calm under pressure and in difficult situations, and if those are a trigger for you then it might make it very hard. But I don’t think it would be impossible if you had the right help, and I hope you’re able to find that.

BryanAdamsLeftAnkle · 27/03/2021 08:25

I think you are going to have to do some work on holding your tongue.

I have so many patients who go over the same thing, ask irrelevant questions, want to chat when I'm drowning in tasks needing done, refuse to comply, intentionally push you....

You are going to have to hold your tongue and your face.

If others are asking questions it's not for you to decide its been asked enough already. They are clearly needing to be heard or have an anxiety about it.

What will you do if you have a patient with dementia who you can easily have to redirect a hundred times an hour and still smile.

BryanAdamsLeftAnkle · 27/03/2021 08:26

Just to add... The questions are irrelevant to the situation but not the patient.

I didn't mean to sound flippant

Motnight · 27/03/2021 08:31

Op do your outbursts happen in other aspects of your life? If so what support have you sought previously for this?

Perlea · 27/03/2021 08:35

Did you just say these things and that was all or did you get really agitated and yell at individuals? To be honest I'm a bit surprised that you would be asked to leave over something like that especially if afterwards you said sorry for any disruption. Both situations tou mentioned at uni sound genuinely exasperating lol.

I had a 'break' from uni agter 2nd year for different reasons (financial and health) and had a gap of about 4 years where I just worked until I went back. I finally graduated last year and it made me so happy. You need to ask yourself if it's something you really want and if so work out how you can prepare to complete it.

Onairjunkie · 27/03/2021 08:46

Why do you think these uncontrolled shouting outbursts happen? I wouldn’t have thought it’s a very common problem. Most people keep their irritation inside their heads.
Can you identify what triggers them? If it’s impatience and subsequent irritation, nursing may not be for you. It is one of the most mentally taxing jobs, unaided by poor remuneration.

MrsBobDylan · 27/03/2021 08:52

You need to first find out what's going on and why you couldn't suppress your urge to shout out.

What you describe is very unusual and your description of having to think of something else and try not to focus on the lecture sounds similar to Tourettes.

I would chase up the referral and say that this issue is impacting on your life and you need to be seen.

LemonTT · 27/03/2021 08:56

@Perlea

She was abusive to 2 people doing their job. There’s nothing in her post to indicate they were being anything other than professional. The OPs response was anything but.

The university was right to remove her because they have a duty to their staff and the other students. How would you feel if someone spoke to you like that at work and then did it to others? Would you be happy to see them back in your workplace because I wouldn’t. I very much doubt any university could let her back.

Hankunamatata · 27/03/2021 08:57

Any chance you can use credit from nursing to switch to an alternative degree such as human biology? Shame to waste your hard work.

Hankunamatata · 27/03/2021 08:58

Tourette's does spring to mind too

orangejuicer · 27/03/2021 08:59

Is there something about the uni environment that leads to this behaviour OP? You haven't said if it happens anywhere else?

Hankunamatata · 27/03/2021 08:59

Or look at biomedical degree

dontdisturbmenow · 27/03/2021 09:02

OP, if so little triggers such outburst, nursing might not be the right career for you. You'll get managers that will go on and in s out the sane things, impatient entitled, never satisfied patients. Colleagues who will take the piss.

One such instance and you'll likely be out of the job and register.

You need to consider whether this is totally unlike you and just need some help or whether the stress of nursing would be too much.

LadyWithLapdog · 27/03/2021 09:09

In every walk of life you’ll find people who annoy and irritate. You need to work on that. Most areas have self-referral to MH services. Everything is up and running but may be in a more restricted format or mainly by phone. If you are addressing this, I would go back to nursing if it’s something you still want to do after a year out. 💐

SingingWaffleDoggy · 27/03/2021 09:10

Nursing is absolutely not right for you if you cannot hold your tongue. I’m not saying these outbursts cannot be managed with the right kind of therapy but it is not a profession you can enter into not knowing what could come out of your mouth.
I’d ask for the referral to be reviewed as it’s impacting on your life choices.
As PP said, is there a course you can transfer credits to?

Wiredforsound · 27/03/2021 09:11

Even if you don’t think you are suited for a career in nursing it will be worthwhile completing your degree, particularly as you’re over half way there. There are other opportunities for which a nursing degree is useful - research, public health, management, etc. I agree with some of the other posters who think there may be something else going on. I’ve been a lecturer for over 20 years and only once have I ever had a student shout in class so it’s very rare - they turned out to have ASD but I didn’t know.

zafferana · 27/03/2021 09:15

At no point in your OP do you say whether you actually WANT to go back to complete this degree and work as a nurse. So do you? Is this the one job you really, really want to do? Because to me, nursing is a vocation. It's not well paid, it's pretty thankless, the hours are long and the work stressful. If you snap when you feel frustrated and yell at people that doesn't suggest to me that you're temperamentally suited to the job. So do you want it enough to do the work that you'll have to do, probably with a therapist, to get to the bottom of your frustration and learn to be a bit more zen? Because, having worked with the public myself, I can promise you that they will irritate the hell out of you pretty much every day. Can you handle that? Do you even want to?

GoddessKali · 27/03/2021 09:19

You need some rage release!
Practice screaming, shouting, hitting something (we use a mat and baseball bat), boxing, running, any type of vocal singing, chanting, releasing etc, also body movement works well for this.

You’re not moving or releasing your pent up energy and emotions and so they overspill in inappropriate moments, instead release them constructively.

Crimblecrumble1990 · 27/03/2021 09:19

I'm no medical professional but the way you describe shouting it out sounds like potentially something else might be at play - Tourette's?

Most people can feel themselves getting annoyed and know they want to say something bad but are able to bite their tongue - have you ever been in a scenario where you have managed to do that?

Cornishmumofone · 27/03/2021 09:21

I agree with others who are recommending that you speak with your uni to discuss whether it would be possible to transfer to another degree. Alternatively, you may be eligible for a Diploma of Higher Education.

You could also look at credit transfer to the OU: www.open.ac.uk/study/credit-transfer/

Do you have any idea what career you want?

Cocomarine · 27/03/2021 09:24

I would speak to the uni about how long you can defer your place. Another course, I would say continue with it whilst getting treatment (therapy?) for you outbursts. But with nursing, you’ll be on placements.

Do you have funds or do your parents have funds to help you with therapy privately?

user1493494961 · 27/03/2021 09:25

I also think you should transfer to another course.

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