2 years ago I was in the 2nd year of my nursing degree. During one lecture the lecturer started banging on about how we’re “reading nursing” as that’s what you’re meant to say. He repeated it numerous times throughout the lecture. “You’re not studying nursing, you’re reading nursing” etc etc. I found it irritating.
A few weeks later in another lecture with same guy he started on about it again. “You read a subject, you’re reading nursing.... “ etc etc. I suddenly lost it and shouted “for fucks sake not this again”. I was absolutely mortified, I did not mean to shout that out, it wasn’t planned or considered, it just came out. I made a quick exit with an apology as I left. I then went to speak to the lecturer afterwards and apologised profoundly. He was good about it but obviously reported the outburst as I accepted he would have to. I was spoken to and warned not to do it again.
I spent every lecture worrying that it would happen again to the point where I was only half listening and half thinking about other stuff to avoid this happening.
A few months later it happened again only this time the outburst was directed at a number of students and a tutor. They were asking irrelevant questions, we had already gone way over time, the tutor was banging on about irrelevant stuff in response and I suddenly lost my shit. After this I had to take a year out. Obviously in the meantime Covid hit. I’ve now been away two years and don’t think I can ever go back. Other outbursts have happened since and I know deep down I couldn’t work in nursing anyway when I can’t control my mouth. I don’t know why this is happening, it happened once as a child but never since until now. I have been referred to mental health team but again with Covid nothing is happening. Uni have invited me back. I don’t know what to do