Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

No bloody romance for high maintenance me!

56 replies

Barrantsvidal · 26/03/2021 19:35

So we are each others bubble, but there is a distance (couple of hours drive) and he doesn't drive. I have had a long week at work (doing a lot of hours and been burning the candle both ends) but unexpectedly find myself without the kids this weekend. He has no kids or commitments.
I mentioned I was alone and willing to spoil him, and he said lovely...but he couldn't get here unless I drove to get him or he got his mother to give him a lift!!! (Yes, I know!) Reluctantly conceded he could get the train but thought I 'wouldn't want him wasting the money'.
I don't ask for much, but heck it was a huge, huge turn off. I ended up saying it was fine, I had housework to do etc etc. But it isn't. I want someone to romance the life out of me and to just say 'Hell, Yes. I'm jumping on the train and I'll be there to sweep you off your feet by midnight'.
Btw, this isn't commonplace. First time I've asked.
Yes, I know it's unreasonable but sometimes I long for that Milk Tray man!

OP posts:
SandrasAnnoyingFriend · 26/03/2021 19:38

Fair play to you. You deserve some romance and passionate enthusiasm.
I know life can't always be like that, but it's not unreasonable to want to feel some compulsion to see you from the person you're dating.
I hope you find it, with him or not.

gamerchick · 26/03/2021 19:38

It is a bit short notice though for a decent chunk of travelling like that.

Singlenotsingle · 26/03/2021 19:39

I think the fact that he doesn't drive would have killed off any potential romance for me anyway! Why doesn't he drive? Too lazy? Lack of drive? (Sorry!) Too poor to pay for lessons? It sounds as though he just can't be bothered to move his carcass. Give up on this one OP. He's no Milk Tray man.

Thatwentbadly · 26/03/2021 19:40

He is a man child in other ways too?

NurseButtercup · 26/03/2021 19:41

Reluctantly conceded he could get the train but thought I 'wouldn't want him wasting the money'.

He offered to come but you turned him down, so that he didn't waste money and said you'd do housework instead.

The milk tray man is a myth.

Stop being silly.

Phone him back and ask him to get the next train or come early tomorrow.

Easterbunnygettingready · 26/03/2021 19:42

He sounds wishy washy op... You do deserve more..
I was in a ldr and he once drove the day after knee surgery to pick me up!! Usually he bought me a train ticket though!!

AnneLovesGilbert · 26/03/2021 19:43

How long would it take by train? I doubt he’s got plans, who does, and it’s a bit rubbish he hasn’t made the effort if he can afford it.

NurseButtercup · 26/03/2021 19:44

You are allowed to change your mind about who you date. But you've been dating him knowing that he doesn't drive. I think you're being unreasonable to now say it's a turn off.

Happygogoat · 26/03/2021 19:44

@gamerchick

It is a bit short notice though for a decent chunk of travelling like that.
What other plans could be possibly have though? If Op is his bubble?

Yanbu OP, you deserve a bit of enthusiasm!

Stellaroses · 26/03/2021 19:45

@NurseButtercup no, he reluctantly agreed to get the train but HE said he would have thought she wouldn’t want him to waste his money.

AOwlAOwlAOwl · 26/03/2021 19:47

Urgh. Yeah I'd be disappointed too OP.

A couple of hours on a train isn't too much to ask! What a lazy specimen.

Shoxfordian · 26/03/2021 19:47

He doesn’t sound that into you

Cocomarine · 26/03/2021 19:47

@NurseButtercup

Reluctantly conceded he could get the train but thought I 'wouldn't want him wasting the money'.

He offered to come but you turned him down, so that he didn't waste money and said you'd do housework instead.

The milk tray man is a myth.

Stop being silly.

Phone him back and ask him to get the next train or come early tomorrow.

@NurseButtercup I don’t think OP told him not to waste money on a train! I think she’s saying that it was him who said that OP wouldn’t want him to waste his money. Except that I think - and bloody well hope - that OP thinks that a weekend with her is far from a waste of money!
Bluebird1234 · 26/03/2021 19:48

He’s willing to let you, or his mum, pay for petrol and waste money. That would give me the impression that he’s not willing to put out a train fare to see you and that would be be very off-putting.

I’d get rid he’s a man child.

vimtosogood · 26/03/2021 19:48

If you want something you can summon on command get a dog.

HollowTalk · 26/03/2021 19:49

It would be really hard to fancy that man. Asking his mum to drive him over to see his girlfriend? How old is he?

Original poster
Barrantsvidal · 26/03/2021 19:49

@NurseButtercup The 'not driving' isn't the turn off, it's the unwillingness to put himself out. But yes, it is short notice...although that's the whole point kind of...and I probably do need to grow up.

Actually, sod that, I want an all consuming, passionate, burning love with a tall, dark and handsome man who makes me feel like he would walk through Hades to get to me. Grin

OP posts:
MrsTerryPratchett · 26/03/2021 19:52

If he doesn't drive, he needs to take the train.

Moral of the story is to not swim the Atlantic for a man who won't step over a puddle for you.

No more driving. He comes half the time or no relationship. And I'll bet he owes you about ten trips.

Cocomarine · 26/03/2021 19:52

@gamerchick

It is a bit short notice though for a decent chunk of travelling like that.
I think that would be a fair point if he said, “sorry, no, I’m busy.”

But he didn’t. His reason wasn’t short notice or other plans - it was that he’d have to get off his arse and come to OP.

@Barrantsvidal who usually does the travelling?

coodawoodashooda · 26/03/2021 19:56

Yeah. He wasn't too busy. He couldn't be bothered.

Stillfunny · 26/03/2021 19:57

The could not be arsed to make the effort would put me off. If he doesn't get that much time with you and then doesn't take advantage of an opportunity to come overnight . Not bothered enough is disappointing. Dont blame you OP.

mixedfeelsaboutthispl · 26/03/2021 19:58

His lack of enthusiasm would put me right off him! He doesn't sound super into it op.

Does he have concerns about taking public transport?

Greenmarmalade · 26/03/2021 20:02

I would also be completely turned off. He needs some va va voom! You’re not high maintenance, you just have decent, high expectations.

Original poster
Barrantsvidal · 26/03/2021 20:03

Yes, I am starting to think I might be better off with just me.
I'll chat to him about it, that way he can have the choice to decide if I am too much effort in which case he is free to move on, or realise he's being a bit wet and step up. He is lovely, so we'll see.
I'm getting too old to put up with second best and I have lots of adventures to come Smile
Thank you x

OP posts:
icelollycraving · 26/03/2021 20:03

I’d find this very off putting. How old is he?!
I don’t drive so I don’t judge that, but a boring lockdown weekend or one where he’s getting you all to himself. The fact that he is happy for someone else to drive him but not to get a train, nope.
Milk tray man, haven’t heard that for years Grin

Swipe left for the next trending thread