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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

No bloody romance for high maintenance me!

56 replies

Barrantsvidal · 26/03/2021 19:35

So we are each others bubble, but there is a distance (couple of hours drive) and he doesn't drive. I have had a long week at work (doing a lot of hours and been burning the candle both ends) but unexpectedly find myself without the kids this weekend. He has no kids or commitments.
I mentioned I was alone and willing to spoil him, and he said lovely...but he couldn't get here unless I drove to get him or he got his mother to give him a lift!!! (Yes, I know!) Reluctantly conceded he could get the train but thought I 'wouldn't want him wasting the money'.
I don't ask for much, but heck it was a huge, huge turn off. I ended up saying it was fine, I had housework to do etc etc. But it isn't. I want someone to romance the life out of me and to just say 'Hell, Yes. I'm jumping on the train and I'll be there to sweep you off your feet by midnight'.
Btw, this isn't commonplace. First time I've asked.
Yes, I know it's unreasonable but sometimes I long for that Milk Tray man!

OP posts:
RosesAndHellebores · 26/03/2021 20:04

What decent, red bloodied man would forego a weekend of passion with a gorgeous lover during a bloody boring lockdown for the sake of a two hour train journey. Let alone thinking his mum could drive him.

He should have run all the way to the station op.

He is not good enough for you.

FinallyHere · 26/03/2021 20:04

Ugh.

I'd throw this one back and look out for a more engaged one. I don't want to have to coax someone (or go and fetch him) to spend an unexpectedly Fred weekend together.

RosesAndHellebores · 26/03/2021 20:06

Actually I now feel sorry for him. He has to spend the entire weekend with a boring drip.

AlandAnna · 26/03/2021 20:10

Have you been seeing each other long?
If newish relationship then it sounds lukewarm and I would want more romance.
If you’re a bit more long term and set in your ways then I suppose it may be him being sensible.
Some relationships are more romantic than others. I’ve always had the milk tray man...

Journeynotdestination · 26/03/2021 20:11

Do you do ALL the driving all the time to facilitate the relationship and he can’t be arsed to get on a train once??? I’d bin him off. The mother comment? Binned off and taken away by recycling lorry.

Etinox · 26/03/2021 20:15

What a wet lettuce. Sorry OP
Flowers

WhereamI88 · 26/03/2021 20:18

20 year old desperate insecure me would have put up with that (and worse). Grown up me says fuck that wet blanket, you deserve better! You deserve someone that makes you feel special!! Otherwise you're better off on your own as that will chip away at your self esteem.

littlepattilou · 26/03/2021 20:25

@Barrantsvidal OMG he sounds awful. Bin him, and block him.

Him not being able to drive would have put me off straightaway. In my experience, most men who can't drive will exhibit the same tendencies as your DP. Entitled, lazy, and not very ambitious in life.

BlackAmericanoNoSugar · 26/03/2021 20:26

He wanted you to do a 4 hour round trip, twice in a weekend? Has he ever expressed any concern about how much it costs you in petrol when you visit him? But you are supposed to be ever vigilant that HE doesn't spend any money in a way that might benefit you?

Giantrooster · 26/03/2021 20:26

I recon it's expensive to take the train, but it's not exactly free of charge for you to drive him back and forth. Is he lazy, tight or just cba unless it's you that put in the effort?

Easterbunnygettingready · 26/03/2021 20:28

Does he contribute to fuel when you are his chauffeur op? Does he buy take away/food or is the week end financially on you when he comes?
Basically is he a sponger?
Grin

CallforHecate · 26/03/2021 20:31

So do you usually go to his, or do you pick him up and bring him back to yours?

IceCreamAndCandyfloss · 26/03/2021 20:45

If a man asked me to get a train in covid times because he was unexpectedly free and thought I should fill that time for him I wouldn’t go either. Not romantic to expect him to drop everything at your whim.

babytum · 26/03/2021 20:45

Any man that expresses money spent on you or seeing you, as a waste is a waster.

Off to fuck

IveNameChangedAgain2020 · 26/03/2021 20:48

FTS. I would dump him. You are a queen. I mean that. I'd be so annoyed if my DP wouldn't make the effort to come and see me. My husband when we were dating used to convince his friends to go with him for the ride on a long train journey to come and see me. They'd literally come up, say hi and then leave him with me. But yes - we were teenagers!

Bloodypunkrockers · 26/03/2021 20:56

Does he ever come to you or is it always you doing the travelling

I note you said to spoil him this weekend not have him spoil you

I think you could do better

TakeYourFinalPosition · 26/03/2021 21:03

Hmm. I can’t drive - medical issue, but I don’t tend to tell people that, so there’s probably a few people who think it’s unattractive/lazy.

I’m happy to taxi/train myself around most of the time, although whomever I’m meeting tends to offer, and my husband will happily drop me off/drive me. I do pay for petrol and thank people a lot, I’m grateful for lifts when I accept them.

I don’t think I’d be jumping on a train right now, with the situation... I’m not overly concerned about coronavirus, I’m sticking to the rules but I’m low risk and half vaccinated, but using public transport has been so discouraged throughout.

Talk to him but I’m not sure I’d write him off for this.

gamerchick · 26/03/2021 21:07

What other plans could be possibly have though? If Op is his bubble

It doesn't matter. I wouldn't ask someone to come over at short notice when they lived a 2 hour drive away. I just wouldn't and wouldn't be impressed if I was asked. Not in thes strange times when trains get cancelled.

WhereYouLeftIt · 26/03/2021 21:12

@Barrantsvidal

So we are each others bubble, but there is a distance (couple of hours drive) and he doesn't drive. I have had a long week at work (doing a lot of hours and been burning the candle both ends) but unexpectedly find myself without the kids this weekend. He has no kids or commitments. I mentioned I was alone and willing to spoil him, and he said lovely...but he couldn't get here unless I drove to get him or he got his mother to give him a lift!!! (Yes, I know!) Reluctantly conceded he could get the train but thought I 'wouldn't want him wasting the money'. I don't ask for much, but heck it was a huge, huge turn off. I ended up saying it was fine, I had housework to do etc etc. But it isn't. I want someone to romance the life out of me and to just say 'Hell, Yes. I'm jumping on the train and I'll be there to sweep you off your feet by midnight'. Btw, this isn't commonplace. First time I've asked. Yes, I know it's unreasonable but sometimes I long for that Milk Tray man!
"he said lovely...but he couldn't get here unless I drove to get him or he got his mother to give him a lift!!! (Yes, I know!) Reluctantly conceded he could get the train but thought I 'wouldn't want him wasting the money'."

So let me get this straight - is your petrol free? A couple of hours drive to fetch him, a couple of hours drive back - and presumably all to do again to get him back home. Eight hours of driving sounds like at least one tank of petrol to me, probably more, plus eight hours of your time after a full-on and tiring week. So he considers a return ticket and you not having those eight hours behind the wheel a waste of money, but your time and petrol costs is - nothing?

What a fucking prince.

Elieza · 26/03/2021 21:14

I think he will only be your milk tray man if he uses deliveroo Grin

If he’s not working I’d agree with him that it’s probably very expensive to come up by train. I’d prob say he’s sensible.

However if he’s not worked in donkeys years I’d think lazy fecker. Unless he’s of an age that it’s hard to get a job and he’s trying really hard.

If he is working I’d say he’s tight.

If I was scared of covid and hadn’t been jabbed yet I’d be scared I’d catch something on the train for that length of journey. So I could understand that if he feels like that. Covid still kills. My mums pals 30 year old son has just been taken into hospital with covid pneumonia. Scary.

If the rules in your area to stay near home I think I’d try to do that. I know that up here in Scotland we can go outwith out council area to care for someone or get exercise, but I don’t think travelling two hours for a shag is really what that rule means! Grin

Up to you to decide if he’s sensible or tight-fisted or just not that into you.

MadMadMadamMim · 26/03/2021 21:17

That would be it for me. I'd be so disgruntled that he couldn't be bothered. Like you, I want someone who'd make the effort.

FWIW when I met DH I had small children and he worked all over the country. In our early days he did 12 hours on a building site - drove 2.5 hours to take me out to dinner (on a midweek evening) because I'd got a night off - and then drove 2.5 hours back home again so he could work the next day. He was that bloody keen. After a shit marriage and a husband who made little effort that was a revelation! There are men that put themselves out for people.

It's not a good sign in the early stages if your OH won't make much effort. It doesn't usually get better.

katy1213 · 26/03/2021 21:36

So his mother drives him down, hands him over on the doorstep and says, 'Here you are dear, he's all yours to shag for the weekend. Don't tire him out - and make sure he cleans his teeth?"
That'd be goodbye from me. He's more Kinder egg than Milk Tray.

tara66 · 26/03/2021 21:43

Why can't he drive? Is he very young and learning? Is he very poor if he doesn't want to pay for the train? Really not a turn on is he?!

DimidDavilby · 26/03/2021 21:47

That is bizarre. You want someone to drop everything and undertake a (several hours?) train journey at the click of your fingers. What about his weekend plans?

You don't want romance you want a door at!

quest1on · 26/03/2021 21:52

So his mum would have to drive him two hours to your house and then drive herself home again? How old is he and what is wrong with him?