DP never comes to bed

[usedandabusedx1000]

He pretty much sleeps on the sofa 99% of the time. I think it negatively affects our relationship, I feel like I’m on my own and no matter how many times I say anything it always goes back to the way it is. He says “well sorry I just pass out” and I think he’s a grown man and should be able to recognise he’s tired and make the decision to come to bed, even more so when it’s effecting me and us as a whole. Mumsnet thoughts?! Am I being unreasonable?

Because it would have probably changed the status quo, one way or another.
But looks like he has made his choice.

Hmm, my ex blamed the mattress too, saying it gave him a bad back, which it did seem to. Then it was that I snore, which I do, badly, also his restless legs would disturb me, they did twitch but I'd never mentioned it.

I suggested he see the GP about his restless legs. He never did.
He never took steps to replacing the mattress.
I saw a GP about my snoring but I don't hit any of the usual markers for why I would snore so they couldn't really do anything.

Looking back, and DP pointed it out as well, they were just excuses. I left him in the end though and he was very upset about it and wanted to fix it!

The people I've known who sleep on the sofa, is because they want to avoid their partners. Time for a huge honest chat.

Are you okay OP?

@SheilaWilcox thank you for checking, very kind of you. Still feeling pretty crap.....there are many other issues, he left, he’s now back, I want nothing more than to be able to resolve our issues and move forward but I fear that will never happen. Feeling lost and stuck right now!

You sound like exhausted by it all. I hope you find time to look after yourself and space to think about what you really want.

Your post earlier struck me...

‘Ive given it everything‘

What has he given it?

Im so sorry, but the truth is, one person simply cannot salvage a relationship. It needs both to step up.

I think you’d be a whole lot happier without this deadweight.