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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this is weird and almost inappropriate

37 replies

2021namechanger · 26/03/2021 17:01

I got added as a friend by a man on Facebook. We are in a mutual couple of business type groups and he’s obviously some type of coach/guru/bullshit thing.

Accepted it as I often get such requests as run a business and often make nice “contacts” etc.

Anyways - he then send me - a sodding voice note that’s all “hi I’d love to learn more about you I’m x etc etc”.

To be clear I’ve never interacted with him in a group or anything like that.

While I can stomach the odd message that’s almost a sales pitch - a voice note felt incredibly intrusive. It’s not LinkedIn - it’s Facebook. If I had a jealous/abusive partner or similar - it could be troublesome. And also - how the fuck was I supposed to reply? Send him a voice note back?

I did the obvious thing and ignored... now I’ve had a follow up message with “just checking you listened to my message.

By the way - don’t think this is him trying it on - it’s blatantly some sort of sales technique but I still think it’s fucking weird.

Aibu to say this is inappropriate or am I being precious.

OP posts:
Whatalottachocca · 26/03/2021 17:05

It sounds rather intrusive to me. I think I’d block him.

AcornAutumn · 26/03/2021 17:08

Block him.

SnarkyBag · 26/03/2021 17:11

I think Facebook voice messages are the new way to hound people for business. An acquaintance friended me and the started sending voice notes for her MLM business with follow up just checking you got my message. I just unfriended her very tedious

Chanjer · 26/03/2021 17:11

Was the second message a voice note?

hilariousnamehere · 26/03/2021 17:11

It's being touted as a great sales technique in a few groups at the moment and is being hideously misused, I hate it. Voice notes from my friends or even my clients if that's easier for them than typing a message, yes. Randomer trying to connect and get me to buy their stuff - definitely not. Block and delete - tell him why if you can be arsed!

KrisAkabusi · 26/03/2021 17:13

Some Spanish and South American cultures use voice notes for WhatsApp and Facebook by default, it's their normal way of communicating. Maybe it's his usual way of doing things?

ShinyMe · 26/03/2021 17:14

I would block, but I would actually message back first. Something like 'yes, i've listened to it and honestly, felt confused as to why you sent it and felt that it was too intrusive' and then I'd block him. He may not listen, but there is the outside possibility that he'd take it on board and rethink the strategy.

Eckhart · 26/03/2021 17:15

If you don't like it, block him. You don't have to give your feeling a name, like 'precious' or 'valid'.

It's your feeling. You have a right to it, and you have a right to your boundaries. If someone does something you don't like, put your boundaries up so they can't do it again.

How were you supposed to reply? Any way you like. Ignore, tell him to fuck off, politely request he leave you alone, block him, invite him for dinner, whatever. There are no rules (as long as you don't break a law)

If you think there are 'supposed to's with stuff like this, who do you think writes the guidelines?

SoWhyNot · 26/03/2021 17:16

I’d just send a blunt but polite text message back and say you don’t really have time to listen to voice messages but will speak to him in the next business group you are in.

alexdgr8 · 26/03/2021 17:17

just block. and ignore.
i wouldn't give any feed-back at all, it just encourages them.

thepeopleversuswork · 26/03/2021 17:19

I would also find that irritating and intrusive and it would make me far less likely to want to develop a business relationship with him.

To be fair it may be something that’s routine in his line of work and I guess he needs to use the resources available to him.

I would maybe respond to say you got the message but would prefer to keep business communication to business channels. That way you’re doing him a favour too.

Original poster
2021namechanger · 26/03/2021 17:19

@hilariousnamehere thought that would be the case. I’ve had a few voice messages welcoming me to groups etc - which I’m ok with. It makes sense and also it’s been from women (this shouldn’t make a difference but it does).

I just thought bloody hell I could absolutely see an abusive man making an absolute hell out of it.

OP posts:
SummaLuvin · 26/03/2021 17:20

Hate to say, but why did you accept him if you didn't want contact from him? You accepting his request was an equivalent of saying you were open to him messaging you.

I wouldn't get het up about use of voice notes, it's some peoples preferred communication method and becoming much more common. A few of my friends/business associates use them almost exclusively. I think because it's quick and easy, and avoids misunderstandings caused by lack of tone of voice in text.

AcornAutumn · 26/03/2021 17:25

I don't know how a voice note works on Facebook? Sounds annoying.

StressedTired · 26/03/2021 17:27

Why accept his friend request if you don't want to interact? Blocking him is uncalled for. Just reply and say you have listened to his message, give him a brief overview of your business if that's your connection, but explain you're not available for new work opportunities at the moment. He's probably just touting for work and will move on to the next possible client. If you don't want any interaction then remove him as a friend.

Original poster
2021namechanger · 26/03/2021 17:31

@SummaLuvin I have no issue with being contacted I said that in my OP. It’s both the method (voice note) and to some degree the content.

OP posts:
Tinydinosaur · 26/03/2021 17:31

I never listen to voice notes. My phone is always on silent.

TeachesOfPeaches · 26/03/2021 17:32

Why would you accept a bullshit guru? They're obviously going to try to sell to you.

ShirleyPhallus · 26/03/2021 17:36

Accidentally record and send a voice note while you’re having a poo. That should put him off

Original poster
2021namechanger · 26/03/2021 17:37

@ShirleyPhallus

Accidentally record and send a voice note while you’re having a poo. That should put him off
Fab idea.
OP posts:
Josette77 · 26/03/2021 17:42

You accepted his request, it's weird you are put off by his contact.

canigooutyet · 26/03/2021 17:44

I think it's weird when random people add you and never want to talk to you.
If you don't like the voice things post it on your bio and feed and let your "friends" know

NothingIsWrong · 26/03/2021 17:46

My 13yo and her friends communicate almost exclusively in voice notes. I think it's a younger thing, maybe spreading up the demographics?

SummaLuvin · 26/03/2021 17:47

[quote 2021namechanger]@SummaLuvin I have no issue with being contacted I said that in my OP. It’s both the method (voice note) and to some degree the content.[/quote]
You accepted a friend request of a "coach/guru/bullshit thing" and are surprised he tried to sell to you? You said yourself that you are accepting friend requests from those in business groups to build networks and make contacts, seems like he is trying to do the same thing, albeit in a more upfront way. If you don't want that, then keep your Facebook strictly personal, and connect with associates on LinkedIn only. How was he to know the code of conduct you have come up with? As I, and other PP, have said the voice note is simply his preferred communication method, nothing invasive about it, they are very normal, especially with younger people.

Original poster
2021namechanger · 26/03/2021 17:48

@Josette77

You accepted his request, it's weird you are put off by his contact.
As I said - it’s not the contact it’s A) the voice note B) the content of that voice note c) the pushy “habe you listened to my voice note

On point c - even if an actual friend did this I’d find it irritating.

OP posts:
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