To tell the DC not to disturb my evening for any of the following reasons...

[BlowDryRat]

• They've had a bad dream (when they haven't even been to sleep yet!)
• They want a drink
• They are cold
• They can't sleep
• They're bored
• They're lonely
• Pretend sleepwalking
• They heard a noise
• Their sibling is singing and it's annoying them
• They want a hug

After the 4th time of having to put a child back to bed last night, I gave up and went to bed myself. They're 11 and 8, not babies. They have been fed, showered, read a bedtime story, sung to, cuddled and heaped with a duvet, blankets and an electric blanket they can turn on if they like. The central heating is on and it works. They have a cup of water. FFS, I just want to relax after a knackering day, not be constantly jumping up and down the stairs like a jack in the box.

AIBU to tell them to stay TF in bed?!

DD is 8 and very rarely gets out of bed. She is ready around half past 7 and then gets half an hour before lights out. That time is either reading (by herself or with me) and she can chat about whatever is on her mind.

Once lights are out I sit with her for 5-10 minutes while she gets settled then it's a kiss and cuddle and I go downstairs for a glass of wine cup of tea and a promise to check back in half an hour or so. Inevitably I usually don't actually check but the times I have gone up she is usually asleep.

I think kids just sometimes need the reassurance that you are still there. So pre-empt the silliness by saying you will check back on them, you do have to actually do it the first few times in case they are still awake. Do they have a clock so they can check the time? DD used that excuse for a little while "I thought it was getting up time".

Oh, I also meant to say. Giving them the un/reasonable task will be pointless. Everything will be reasonable and then you will have lost all authority to send them back to bed.

Dylan Moran has a funny sketch where he says that when you tell a kid to go to bed, what they hear you saying is 'lie down in the dark on your own for 8 hours.'

Sorry, off topic. Woman up, OP. Time to lay down the law and get your evening back. You'll like your children way more (and be much nicer to them the next day) if they're not twatting you about on a nightly basis.

I had a stern talk with the DC before bed this evening. I feel awful! However, they've not been down and they were both fast asleep when I checked on them at 9.30.

See that's probably why they mess you about if just having a stern talk with them has made you feel awful. I've never had any qualms about giving mine a telling off and had they complained they would have been told that to avoid one in future they just needed to follow my rules. They are grown up now and we laugh about "90's momma" who ruled this roost.

A woman barrister placed a large notice on her study door 'Mummy is working. Do not disturb. Intruders will be shot. Survivors will be shot again.'

My 13 year old would still like to be sleeping In Our bed.

@AlexaShutUp

Hmm, well it won't be a popular opinion on here, but if my dc was lonely and wanted a cuddle, I'd just give her one. But then, my unhappiest memories of childhood go back to bedtime so I never wanted my dc to feel like that.

I do get how irritating and exhausting it is, but I just sucked it up as a temporary thing. DD is a teenager now and I don't get disturbed at night any more, but we are extremely close, and personally, I think the way you approach this kind of stuff when they're younger does have a significant impact on relationships later on in the teenage years.

I know lots of people won't agree and will talk instead about the importance of setting clear boundaries when they're younger etc etc. However, I personally think it's much more important to let them know that you will be there to support them whenever they need it, in whatever way they need it. At any rate, that's what has worked for us, but we each have to parent in the way that we feel is right.

Just wanted to offer an alternative perspective. I hope you get some peace in the evenings soon.

I like this

@AlexaShutUp

Hmm, well it won't be a popular opinion on here, but if my dc was lonely and wanted a cuddle, I'd just give her one. But then, my unhappiest memories of childhood go back to bedtime so I never wanted my dc to feel like that.

I do get how irritating and exhausting it is, but I just sucked it up as a temporary thing. DD is a teenager now and I don't get disturbed at night any more, but we are extremely close, and personally, I think the way you approach this kind of stuff when they're younger does have a significant impact on relationships later on in the teenage years.

I know lots of people won't agree and will talk instead about the importance of setting clear boundaries when they're younger etc etc. However, I personally think it's much more important to let them know that you will be there to support them whenever they need it, in whatever way they need it. At any rate, that's what has worked for us, but we each have to parent in the way that we feel is right.

Just wanted to offer an alternative perspective. I hope you get some peace in the evenings soon.

I’m in between this and other posters.

For bad dreams (I usually say to my son if not asleep, they are bad thoughts as you haven’t slept so he knows I’m aware and learns himself to distinguish), I’d give a hug. Same for if they feel sick, have a nose bleed or similar.
Drink wise, just give them a drink to take up? Need a wee? Go yourself at that age.
Anything else though, eg. Cold etc they are old enough to sort themselves. I’d have a serious chat with my 11 year old and be looking at sleep hygiene. Do they have red light instead of blue light spectrum? Is screen time too close to bedtime etc. Do they do something active in the day?

I’d always hug my child or offer reassurance if they have a bad dream or bad thoughts/anxiety, but not for silly reasons like coldness where they can pop a dressing gown or socks on.