To be very worried how I’m going to work in the school holidays?

[Cherrymentos19]

Single parent
Returning to work
My children are at private schools - so great during term time as wonderful before and after school activities

However the holidays are outrageously long!

Easter break... 3.5 weeks

Summer holidays... 9 weeks!

Half terms are generally 2 weeks.

I have no support locally. The children’s father will not be on hand in any meaningful way, and absolutely no point pursuing that point - because zero chance of change. Zero.

So what do people do?!

I find it quite weird this attitude of "if you can afford private school, you can afford holiday clubs". That's not always the case - OP has already stated several times her DC are on bursaries, and I generally assume if you have kids at private school you're crippled with fees and can afford very little else - particularly as a single parent.

Sending your child to a private school is a choice. Sending your child to private school costs money - even if they have 100% bursary there is probably uniform/trips/equipment type costs to find on top, as well as factoring in childcare (both wraparound and holidays). Most people look at total costs when working out whether they can afford it.

OP's position seems to be that she's going from not working (presumably reliant on benefits?) with no need for childcare to working with need for childcare. Unless she's in a weird black hole, she should get help with childcare on a low income and still find that cost of salary less cost of childcare gives her more disposable income than she used to have.

There should be holiday clubs independent of your school that your kids can attend.

OP it is tough for working single mums, so much tougher than for 2 parent families. Holidays are a big struggle, especially when there's no family and the dad is absent. I have never, ever come across a non-resident dad who does anything near a fair share of school holiday cover, let alone lockdown cover, sickness cover etc etc. Society is set up to favour 2 parent families. OP if you are struggling, it isn't your fault: it is because it isn't a fair system.

(presumably reliant on benefits?)

Why?

Long ago when my kids were at school we shared childcare. State school so 6 week summer holiday, one year my kids went to Devon for a fortnight with family A, family Bs children also went. Came home on the Friday and big washing session and on the Saturday my children and family A and family Bs children came to Wales with us. Final two weeks Family B took them all to Cornwall. They had a mixture of camping, mobile caravan with tent and a static caravan.

To be honest the holiday with six of them was exhausting and but the 4 weeks with them away was quite restful.

Holiday clubs
Holiday childcare
Put them in state schools with shorter holidays
Change to term time only job

She doesn’t have a husband so stop suggesting she use holiday with her husband!

The children do have a dad, though, and if he has PR he needs to step up.

OP, I know you said he wouldn’t help and I assume that means on a practical level, but can you tell him he needs to step up help finance holiday childcare?

If he refuses, can you take him to court and get an arrangement set up whereby he shares the costs for his children?

@SoupDragon

(presumably reliant on benefits?)

Why?

On the balance of probabilities, most single non-working parents are reliant on benefits.

Maybe she comes from a rich family and has a trust fund. But it's unlikely.

I have a DH but we generally don’t take separate leave but do take it all during school hols. That covers 8 weeks inc bank holidays (I’m v fortunate to get good holidays)
My Mum or sister will sometimes have DS for a couple of days here and there which is a big help and they love spending time with each other.
We are fortunate that where we live there are quite a few holiday clubs - sports or dance, activities, drama, those which are more childcare based. DS is very sociable and confident and loves holiday club (possibly as he is a single child so doesn’t have a sibling to play with at home) so I can send him to any club and he will have a great time! I know I am lucky with this - it must if your child isn’t keen. See if you can find a Hol club connected to her interests

I’ve got my eye on some fantastic activity ones for when he is a little older.

One option if you can’t find any Hol clubs or childcare is to maybe take your leave in half days (if you can work from home) so work mornings while the kids entertain themselves or go on screens and then you can do something with them in the afternoon. It’s not ideal as doesn’t give you a break from work but it’s an option to extend your leave

Also, unpaid parental leave for a couple of weeks

@FamilyOfAliens

She doesn’t have a husband so stop suggesting she use holiday with her husband!

The children do have a dad, though, and if he has PR he needs to step up.

OP, I know you said he wouldn’t help and I assume that means on a practical level, but can you tell him he needs to step up help finance holiday childcare?

If he refuses, can you take him to court and get an arrangement set up whereby he shares the costs for his children?

it is a nice idea, in in practice it doesn't work this way. All you can usually get from an absent dad is the legal minimum child maintenance. Absent dads do not usually volunteer time or money for their kids

Holiday club, childminder and annual leave. Ours don’t like holiday clubs but love the childminder. They are older now and with the new more flexible working pattern, we have been letting them stay home while working from home.

It's not really an issue surely if you can afford private schools

I don't have answers, but wanted to offer support as there have been some judgemental replies.

I went back to work when my daughter was a year old. Nursery were fabulous, open until 7pm, so one of us could get back in time. Ran 52 weeks a year, flexible and approachable.
Once she started school I had to give up work because we couldn't make it work. We ended up moving my DD to private school eventually due to how rubbish our ofsted 'good' school is.

If my DH and I split up, he would insist (and pay for) her to continue at private school, however at least half of the 16 weeks holidays would fall to me, so I would have a similar dilema to the OP.

Holiday clubs sound like a great idea, but many finish too early, so you need to get wrap around care and round here, lots of childminders are term time only so they can look after their own kids in the holidays.

All she's asking for is some support, inspiration, examples of what works for people.

It's no wonder so many SAHM's end up trapped in unhappy marriages, staying until the kids have grown up.

OP I am the single mother of 3 children, 2 at primary school. No support from their father. No family support.
I'm a midwife. I made it work by working 24 hours over 2 long days per week, making a flexible working request to work 2 set shifts per week. I employed a Nanny, which meant I had year round childcare (I had one at preschool and one just turned 1 year old when I started this arrangement). I earned 24k, so got help through tax credits towards the cost of childcare.

I'd like to help more, but it would be useful to know what work you will be going back to, hours and expected earnings.

I’m not a single parent but I do have older teens/students who haven’t been able to find ANY work for a long time. They’d bite your hand off to look after your children in the holidays.

I'm lucky to be able to take a few weeks of unpaid Parental Leave each year, plus copious use of holiday clubs, some playdates.

Where I live most of the private schools offer holiday clubs, and you don't have to stick with your school - you can go to another school's holiday club no problem, state school children go there too, in fact many state parents rely on the private school clubs. Most will accept childcare vouchers which means at least 20% off cost (closed to new starters so you're probably not eligible, but there are newer tax free childcare schemes run by government which may work for holiday clubs, you'd have to check).

There are also cheaper holiday clubs, which run maybe a week at a time - coding clubs, science clubs, YMCA clubs, religious clubs...

This year things are particularly difficult - almost none of the clubs in my city are running, those that are are opening with a quarter capacity due to Covid safety so spaces go immediately/priority to key workers, they also require people to sign up for the entire holiday, to avoid bubble mixing. And costs have gone up because of the numbers/space issue.

Costwise - our local private clubs in non-Covid times are about £50-£55/day per child, run from 8-5.30 daily. Usually small discount for a whole week/sometimes 2nd child. The clubs run in state schools/church halls/science clubs tend to be shorter days (more like a school day) but cost around £30-£35.

Once the children get into late juniors you may be able to work from home if that's possible for you, whilst they play/watch TV/have friend round some days. I'd never (pre-Covid) have tried wfh with young kids before because it's a nightmare, but Covid has taught me the older one doesn't need much oversight. I'd only do this for odd days though, because they get bored. Once they're at Yr8 or so I think that while they may enjoy holiday clubs, they're probably not absolutely necessary if you can't afford it.

It's tough, we use a combo of grandparents, holiday clubs & childminder plus annual leave. I also can wfh & use flexi hours which helps. DH can also do some wfh.

@TheCactusWhackedUs

It's not really an issue surely if you can afford private schools

Perhaps read the thread or at least the OP's posts before commenting... She's said several times that the children are there on bursaries!

Plus I work 4 days a wk

Good point from a PP - local students on holidays, or home from holiday are good. Interview them, look for ones with DBS if possible. Try to get ones which have childcare experience, so have worked in holiday clubs/camps, babysat, Guide leader, that kind of thing. IME those who have merely occasionally babysat a cousin do not have what is needed.

You'll find some on childcare.com or on local job/classified sites. If there's a local college or uni you can email their student jobs department and put an ad in for holiday help. I got some childcare jobs in the vacations as a student, and we pre-Covid used local students with our own DC.

Like everyone else does, use holiday clubs, surely the posh schools run these..

I don't have any holiday clubs near me that run later then 4pm so it's not always as simple as that.

If not if you can afford private school you can.easily.afford summer activities/clubs/ childcare

Read the thread @Flowers24!!!

Some horrible replies on this thread! Lots of people who refuse to contemplate that people’s lives are varied and complex.

I am a lone parent with quite a good income but school holidays have always been a struggle for me. My dd hated holiday clubs with a passion and I could not blame her - for her it was like going to school but with a bunch of strangers. It’s quite hard to get childcare just for holidays, even if you have the money to pay for it.