To be very worried how I’m going to work in the school holidays?

[Cherrymentos19]

Single parent
Returning to work
My children are at private schools - so great during term time as wonderful before and after school activities

However the holidays are outrageously long!

Easter break... 3.5 weeks

Summer holidays... 9 weeks!

Half terms are generally 2 weeks.

I have no support locally. The children’s father will not be on hand in any meaningful way, and absolutely no point pursuing that point - because zero chance of change. Zero.

So what do people do?!

Please can people stop saying how they use their annual leave plus their husbands. Thats massively unhelpful as the op doesn't have one. Perhaps we can focus ON HER situation, rather than giving examples which are clearly not possible

I could never in a million years pay for.private school and I paid for holiday clubs. My DC really enjoyed them

Another thought to help for future years, I take childcare vouchers now (only £25 a month) to save towards summer holiday club. Only my youngest is now in the age group for it, and since we used none last year, I did consider booking her on a week’s residential camp Beaumont to use them up.

If you start and put a small amount away through the year it spreads the pain of holiday club costs, but the downside is you can only use them for Ofsted regulated care.

We normally do a week at a drama club and a couple of weeks at a commercial club. This year my sister who lives in Cornwall has offered to have the girls for a couple of weeks after our 2 week holiday, which would leave me 2 weeks to cover at the start of the holidays.

Apologies, your earlier replies had not loaded before I commented.

But the same applies, it often is a case of muddling through.

I used a combination of:
WFH
Flexible working
Reciprocal swaps with parents of friends
Holiday camps
Taking holiday leave
Taking unpaid leave

Do they not spend any holiday time with their father?

It was a mission of organisational skills for me! A mix of holiday clubs, a day or 2 with their dad, a week with a grand parent (requiring long travel there and back twice), taking some days off and looking after another working parent's kids and vice versa, and then a swap with another parent.

Not two weeks or two days were the same! The good thing is my kids enjoyed it much as the holidays were diversified, and it was cheaper. It was very stressful to arrange,especially as ex and family would never come back when asking when they could have them. Had to plan weeks/months in advance, but it got easier each year, and then they didn't need looking after any longer and it was bliss!

I would ask their friends' parents if they could cover a few days. I would make it clear that I was asking for childcare and not pretend it was "playdates". I would offer to pay a large "contribution" for food and activities.

The issue hasn't come up yet here because my DS is too young, but he is an only child and unfortunately it looks like he will remain that way. He is very sociable and I'm sure when we start with the school holidays (luckily I have most school holidays off) I will jump at the chance to "kidnap" another child to come and play with him for a week or so so I don't have to . Especially if the parents offered to fund a few nice days out.

OP ignore ridiculous comments about getting a term time job (cause those are just lying round).

So you need to be organised. Each holiday you are planning for 2 holidays ahead (so Christmas holidays plan for Easter).

So your options are:

• holiday clubs at school when run
• your own annual leave
• holiday clubs other schools/schemes (at the moment you might not see many because they haven’t been running but guarantee this summer they will be back)
• ask at school if there are any TAs who do nannying over the summer
• family friends with a responsible sixth former who wants to make some money over holidays

I personally am always wary of using friends. It can work really well if friends are reliable, but all you need is their kid sick/they decide to go on an improntu holiday and suddenly it’s all gone pear shaped

Op you can do this. There will be times when it all feels like it comes crashing down (one of the kids gets sick and it’s the day of a meeting), but you figure it out and you’ll be glad you held onto your career.

Grandparents and now they are no longer around we use a childminder.

If your younger one hates clubs then that's tricky. I would ask on her year WhatsApp group, or similar, to see if any of her friends are already booked in anywhere, as she might be more willing if she knows people there.

Also, if this pandemic has taught working parents anything it's that you can both work and look after small children. It will almost kill you, but it can be done. So go back to whatever you were doing before the schools went back a few weeks ago.

Will people PLEASE read the OP’s posts!
Both her children have burseries for private school, so no it’s not a case of ‘if you can afford private school you can afford holiday clubs’
She hasn’t worked since having kids- she is returning to school so no it ‘hasn’t been a problem until now’
She doesn’t have a husband so stop suggesting she use holiday with her husband!
Ahhhh
I think what most people do OP is use a mixture of affordable holiday clubs (leisure centres, booking somewhere like camp Beaumont early for the discount) Use friends and family, book leave, use a childminder.
Many people don’t earn anything whilst paying for childcare but need to factor this in when working out how much they earn over the course of the whole year.

I funded my way through university by looking after children in their own homes in school holidays. A lot of my friends did the same.
I was happy with the extra funds and I think the mums were happy because I was cheaper than other options.
I think I did a good job , and am still in touch with some of the kids ( now adults )

Holiday camps - there are loads of different types out there.
Lots of companies provide it, with cheaper alternative options usually at local sports centre or some schools offer code camps, filming camps etc
I try and do a mix as my youngest doesn’t like the sporty ones - drama camp.
It’s expensive and usually to cover the summer holidays could pay for us to go away on holiday!

This is my first year I’ve not had to organise holiday care for 12 years!!! Finally!

@whitespotsgreenleaves

Some of the posts on this thread are just horrible. Jesus. OP says she is a single parent returning to work and the Father won't help, but people would rather suspend their comprehension and critical thinking abilities just so that they can sneer' 'why is this the first year this is a problem?' 'why didn't you think of this before picking private school?' The answer is in the OP people! Maybe you guys need to return to school - so you can learn how to read and understand written text!

And not everyone at private school is mega rich. Some people make real sacrifices, some get bursaries. Whatever. Its clear from the original post that OPs circumstances have changed dramatically and she is asking for advice about how to manage in a situation that is new to her. She's being reasonable in asking. Some of the replies here, less so.

I was going to say exactly this!!

When ds needed full time care in the holidays (as I wfh he was eventually able to move to the shorter hours clubs esp when he could walk there and back, then spend a lot of time lurking round the house) I did a spreadsheet of all the holidays, looked at what his school offered, all the other private schools locally, sports clubs, drama etc etc etc. Its worth double checking hours at all the places nearish to you - the sports club at our local leisure centre only does 9-4, but in the next town the same provider does 8-6. Some of the big holiday club providers do minibuses to their centres which helps
He needed to be in all but a week of the summer holidays as it was hard to rely on clubs at half terms and the full christmas holiday

Advertise for childcare. TAs are often looking for extra work in school holidays.

@HugeAckmansWife

I'm assuming the op wasn't a single parent when she got pregnant so 'thinking about it before you get pregnant' comments are unhelpful. It's also the case that private schools like the one I work in run 8-6 with wraparound included in the fees so it offsets the longer holidays that have to be covered by not having to pay extra for that. Ignore the 'why didn't you have this all mapped out' op. I think people forget this is meant to be supportive, even in AIBU. As others have said it's a patch work. Will your ex help financially if not physically? Will he do ANY hoiidays, even one or two weeks through the year would help. Depending on finances, you might find a CM like my old one who has teachers kids in term time and others in holiday time, or if you live in a Uni town, you could advertise for students, especially mature ones.

That is an excellent post, HugeAckmansWife. I was thinking exactly along those lines but couldn't put it as concisely as you have. (I'm not crawling, honestly :-) ). It was nice to read after the snidey comments.

Op, I hope you have found some of these posts helpful. I know how difficult it is and I only had one child. I was fortunate that there were grandparents who helped in holidays. Mine did go to a couple of holiday clubs and absolutely hated them.

It does get easier though, time flies even though it seems not to at the moment. This is a particularly difficult time all round, there will be others in the same boat.

It sounds as though you've been doing great so far. You will find a solution.

We manage:

Monday: holiday club (paid for with childcare vouchers, see if your employer runs a scheme)

Tuesday: I take a day's annual leave and look after X friend and their sibling for the day.

Wednesday: My kids are looked after by friend X's mum

Thursday: My kids are looked after by friend Y's mum

Friday: I work from home flexibly, making my hours up over the weekend as necessary. We look after Y for the day. I can do a couple hours' work first thing before Y arrives, then another couple of hours whilst they watch a movie etc.

My children go to stay with my mum for one week of the summer holidays (early part) and she comes to stay with us for another week (later part).

Had the Op said she was a single mum on benefits in a minimum wage job, she would probably have received different responses on here. Shouldn’t be the case, as op is asking for advice, and not judgement on sending her DCs to private schools (on bursaries).

I feel your pain OP. I have been there and it is hard to juggle it all. There are all sorts of different kids clubs. My DD hated the school run club. We tried a few different ones and discovered a couple she really enjoyed.

I also tried to find clubs her friends went to because that meant she wanted to go irrespective of the club just to spend time with her friends.

OP I am not a single parent but my DH worked abroad for much of the time when my DC were small so I was in a similar situation to you as the only parent in residence during the school holidays, with a full time job.

As PPs have said I used a combination of things. There will be a lot of holiday clubs locally, you said one of your kids doesn't like them but there are also sports camps e.g. football, tennis, rugby which my DC enjoyed.

You don't say how old your DC are but is a residential camp a possibility - e.g. PGL, Marlborough Summer School?

The best summer for me was when I had an au pair for the summer but sounds like that's not an option so I would find a local student who can provide care. They may also be school teachers not working in the holidays who would like to earn some extra money.

Use your local Facebook group to do some research.

It feels daunting looking ahead to it but usually it all works out fine when the time comes. I know when friend who had to use a spreadsheet to keep tabs on all the different options.

Good luck!

Single mum with a girl in private school here.

I absolutely agree. It's really really hard.

I work full time for a US software company and I get 24 days a year holiday.

The only way I manage is to take the weeks off as holiday (the weeks before the other schools break up) and then use holiday activities like tennis for example as they tend to be 10-3 so pretty much all day.

Stage schools usually also run week long workshops (normally anyway)

Mine is now 12 so she is a bit more independent and is really into mine craft which helps distract her.

I really feel for you, so many people don't get how hard being a lone parent is. I don't have grandparents etc who can help out either

Private school bursaries are pretty unusual before secondary school age. And even more unusual for them to be given to a single parent who isn't working (they normally expect you to maximise your income). So I'm not surprised that people are confused by OP's situation and how she managed to get here.

My advice is the same as everyone else's. You'll have to factor holiday childcare into your budgeting and use holiday clubs/childminders to cover school holidays. unfortunately it's just tough if your youngest doesn't like holiday clubs (but shop around, there is a huge range). If your children are old enough (early secondary school age), you might have to just leave them at home and recruit a neighbour/local adult to pop in every so often.

Well there probably won't be many au pairs around this summer due to Covid, so I'd look at advertising for a local sixth form or uni student to help you out. It won't be cheap but then no childcare options are.

If you were near me, my dd14 would happily babysit. Do you know anyone with a responsible teenager?
Or else take what leave you can (book early!) and use holiday clubs for the rest. Mine didn’t like a lot of holiday clubs but needs must. Some were more appealing than others to mine: the one at the trampoline park was a winner, and the riding stables pony care days. Multi sports was tolerable. Standard clubs with trips out less so.