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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To have found Lockdown a mixed blessing?

73 replies

Blackbird99 · 25/03/2021 13:15

Since lock down started I have really enjoyed the lack of pressure to do things and spend money. I am a single mum to 2 DD's and even though I work full time I don't have a lot of money spare each month. Usually I'm being the boring mum who says no to going to the cinema, eating out, day trips out to anywhere that involves spending money etc. I do treat my DD's but it's very limited. I understand that a lot of people have had a rough time and lost their jobs due to Covid / lock down and I've been very lucky to keep hold of mine and I really feel for those people but has anyone else really appreciated the slower pace and pressure off? I feel guilty to admit it.

OP posts:

UsedUpUsername · 25/03/2021 13:16

kittensarecute · 25/03/2021 13:17

No. I hate everything about lockdown and these constant, endless restrictions.

AuntieMarys · 25/03/2021 13:19

No. It has been shit and I speak as someone who hasn't lost anyone, or know anyone who has been really ill.

AnnieKN · 25/03/2021 13:20

I do understand.

Pre covid I was constantly tearing about from work to school to extra curricular stuff to social stuffs.

I think there’s a balance - post lockdown I will be more mindful of our family’s commitments.

I desperately miss seeing my family and close friends so that I am looking forward to!

TakeYourFinalPosition · 25/03/2021 13:20

No, it’s not unreasonable. I’m glad some people have had positives.

It’s been pretty rubbish for me, and the positives are few and far between, but there are people it has been good for. You’re not alone, and it makes sense to enjoy it while you can, if it’s good for you, and work out if there’s any way to keep some aspects of the bits that suit you when it ends.

I’m doing the opposite I cannot wait to get back into the world. I hate the slower pace, I hate not seeing people or going anywhere. I’ve massively struggled being stuck inside, but I’m an absolute extrovert stuck in a one bed flat. It may have been different if we had a house, or were elsewhere.

SpnBaby1967 · 25/03/2021 13:23

It's not unreasonable to feel this way, but important to remember that many others havent had this same experience.

For me, I cant wait to get back to the crazy fast paced life.

Becstar90 · 25/03/2021 13:24

I would have loved it if I didn't have a child although I did love not getting invited to things haha.

BarbaraofSeville · 25/03/2021 13:26

Who's exerting the pressure?

If it's your DC, are they old enough to have a conversation about money being finite and not being able to have everything they ask for, or that their friends might have?

If it's yourself, feeling obliged to do things because you feel you should, or because other people do, you need to get over this and just make the best of your own situation.

There's lots of ways to go to the cinema or have days out for a lot less than full price, so investigate ways of doing things cheaper (off peak screenings, 2 for 1 vouchers, monthly passes - there's no need at all to pay full price for most activities, there's always a deal available for most things). And it's always good to have down time at home. There's no need to be rushing here there and everywhere every day of the week.

If it's other people, just ignore. They have different budgets and priorities to you, so you shouldn't be trying to match what they do.

TheKeatingFive · 25/03/2021 13:33

I’ve hated every second, but I see how it had advantages for some.

Try to incorporate the stuff that worked for you into your future life. Many, many kids grow up with fewer expensive treats than others. There are more important things.

MatildaTheCat · 25/03/2021 13:34

There certainly have been a few silver linings to this grim time. We have space and live near London and as a consequence we get a lot of people wanting to stay, not especially to see us but for other reasons. I’m not especially keen on guests/ catering and small talk so I’ve very much enjoyed the non visits.

I’m sure a lot of people will have something that’s been a small positive to all this.

Aroundtheworldin80moves · 25/03/2021 13:41

O think it can be easy to concentrate on the negatives and ignore the positives sometimes. I don't think the past year has been a picnic for anyone. But it hasn't be all bad.

I.e... My 9yo DD still can't swim properly. But she can bake a cake.
DH has been at work all hours... Working at least 60hrs a week, since last March. But the skills he's picked up will benefit his career.

MarshaBradyo · 25/03/2021 13:45

No I’ve loathed it and particularly loathing it now.

But your life can be what you make it so after this see if you make make changes to the slower pace you like.

Oh and don’t feel guilty about trips etc, you’re doing great bring your dc up

MarshaBradyo · 25/03/2021 13:45

Bringing

Original poster

Blackbird99 · 25/03/2021 13:46

Good to see that others have found positives too as it's been hard for everyone in some way or other.

Another positive for us is my teens have gone for country walks almost daily, which is definitely not something they would have voluntarily done pre- lock down :)

@ BarbaraofSeville My DDs are teenagers so yes they do understand about money, but I guess I want to make their childhood as normal as possible (they've gone through some awful stuff to do with their Dad), so there is pressure I'm putting on myself I suppose, and yes, I'm always looking for deals :)

OP posts:

Brieminewine · 25/03/2021 13:55

No I’ve hated it. It’s like all the joy has been sucked out of life, you can go to work and do all the daily mundane tasks but nothing that makes life pleasurable like days out, drinks with friends, holidays etc. I suppose if you don’t do these things though you can’t miss them.

PollyPocket245 · 25/03/2021 13:56

Good for you for finding the positives, it’s not always easy. I feel the same regarding less pressure, I feel like I can take things at my own pace. I had a baby during lockdown so it’s been nice to adjust at my own pace! I think a lot of people will value the little things after this

thefallthroughtheair · 25/03/2021 14:02

Personally I hate it and am so unhappy. But it's fine to feel that way - you certainly shouldn't feel guilty. We all have a right to feel however we want.

Notagain20 · 25/03/2021 14:02

It's been a positive for me too. I'm an introvert and have felt the lack of socialising to be a relief, working from home has been mostly fine although I'm ready to go back I think. I don't like shopping so I haven't missed that. Most of the things that make me happy have been available so I've been fine. My heart goes out to people who have hated it or been ill or lost loved ones or jobs, of course. But, as for many quieter people, it's been fine for me.

tuliprosedaffodil · 25/03/2021 14:13

No you're not unreasonable as long as you appreciate it hasn't been that way for everyone and for some people it has with no exaggeration, ruined their lives.

For us, we've had lots of positives. We're financial way better off because we're going nowhere, spending little and our £350 a month fuel bill from DHs commute has gone. We've been able to really add to our savings and overpay our mortgage for the first time in years.

DH working from home is brilliant for us and it's likely to be permanent, at least part time. Which as we have a young family means he gets three precious hours extra a day with his children, can do baths and bedtimes in the week that he used to miss etc etc.

I've also enjoyed the break from forced/expected socialising. I'm making it a resolution when the world reopens to actually only do things that I truly want to do. It's given me a bit of time to reflect.

BUT. I say this as someone who has a decent sized home and garden, without money worries and I am already a SAHM so we haven't had to juggle both of us working and I could pick up the entire bulk of homeschooling without it impacting anyone's work (though it was still bloody hard work, even then especially with a toddler too). I honestly think it hasn't been like this for most people. I'd feel very differently if we lived in less space with no garden and were worried about how to pay the bills and work etc.

1sunnyday23 · 25/03/2021 14:14

I agree with you, lock down has been hard for me ( work in the NHS) but gave me an opportunity to prove my self so I got a new job during lock down.

Im happy to spend time as a family and agree less pressure to do countless activities so have managed to save.

However my partner is self employed end definitely been impacted by Covid. And not had any gov support due to set up of his company.

I think whilst my children miss some activities they do seem more chilled and happy lately

whetherpigshavewings · 25/03/2021 14:18

The lockdown has been like being in prison for us (literally the definition of "house arrest" if you look it up), and I hate it

but it won't make me feel any better to know everybody else is miserable.

I am pissed off with people who can break the rules and carry on as normal, but you having a better experience than us? It's more a cheerful thought than anything else.

We don't have to commute and we saved a fortune (by not having a life), so could be worst.

Why should you feel guilty? You didn't cause any of it, you make the most of it. Good for you

Original poster

Blackbird99 · 25/03/2021 14:18

@tuliprosedaffodil Agreed about the space thing. I really feel for those with no outside space and I think it would have been very different for me too if I didn't have that.

Interesting to see how everyone has felt so different about the lock down.

Thanks everyone for your replies.

OP posts:

Notagain20 · 25/03/2021 14:19

It's interesting how this is one thing where people are very good at appreciating that while it there are good things for some people, it's really hurt a lot of others. Whereas things like the way cheap flights affect rising sea levels and ruin the lives of people in other nations, getting everything delivered next day by people on low paid insecure contracts, shopping conveniently ruining the lives of people in small local shops - people aren't usually as quick to acknowledge how other people's lives are damaged

ChocOrange1 · 25/03/2021 14:19

The only positive I can see from this all, is that people might be able to work from home or work flexibly, when previously employers would have denied a WFH request.

I don't understand the attitude of "I don't like/can't afford the cinema so its a good thing that nobody can go to the cinema".

picklemewalnuts · 25/03/2021 14:21

I've appreciated the reduction in pressure. Can't visit relatives, can't go to meetings, can't organise fundraising/community events.
DH hasn't been spending 2 hours a day commuting.
It's been really good for us.

However, I haven't had to home school DCs, or work outside the house either. I also don't miss busy places, and don't care if my hair hasn't seen a stylist in 18 months years.

I know we've been fortunate.

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