Relocating for work

[24601mary]

I posted in another topic and didn't feel as though I gave a thorough overview of the situation and felt from some of the comments being left perhaps it would be more suited to this topic

Overall summary :
-Me my husband and 2year old live in Peterborough.
-due to covid our work stream has been affected and my husband has miraculously got a job in Nottingham at a really big stable company that also happens to be his dream job

• he will be working from home for the foreseeable but there might be a time in the future that he is called back in
• my work is luckily flexible and I can continue working from home as I am no longer needed in the office at all. This has been confirmed.
• we have decided after much debate that relocating to Nottingham sooner rather than later is the best thing for us as a family - he will be close to work which means we won't need to buy a second car , my 2 year old can settle into preschool and school meaning we won't need to uproot her from school if we delayed and moved years down the line and we are only an hour away from home by train or just a little longer by car .

My mum is devastated at the prospect of us leaving . To give some context

• I am an only child as is my mum. My only family is my mum and my 90year old grandmother who are both in Peterborough
• I have been doing my grandmothers cleaning and shopping for her because my mum works full time and I only work part time around my 2 year old
• my mum doesn't like driving distance , so won't be comfortable to drive the hour to Nottingham but she will get the train
• my grandmothers caring responsibilities will all lie on my mum because I won't be able to share the load being further away , and this makes me feel guilty beyond words

Please be kind. There is only so many words I can use to explain my situation and I don't want anyone to read between the lines or assume stuff I haven't mentioned . I would just like to know what people's thoughts are. I feel like I am being so selfish to leave my mum behind. It feels like I am being disloyal to her and betraying her. We are close and she is my friend. But at the same time I am trying to think what is best for my husband and little girl

I would obviously visit home as often as I could and we would get a place where my mum could stop over for weekends so we would make a lot of effort to keep regular contact

AIBU to continue with the move? Who should I prioritise?

[Mistressofmany]

If she visits it should surely be to spend time with her gran! Anyone could do cleaning, only one person is her granddaughter.
It's likely there is a benefit that can be used for care a person can no longer provide for themselves - my mil had one that paid for taxis and a cleaner when she couldn't do it herself anymore - assisted living something?

[midgedude]

I have just relocated to be much nearer my mum
...but it's over an hour away still

An hours drive each way isn't too far, you could probably do that every week , rather than your husband doing it every day

[happywombles]

I would echo what others have said - what do you want to do? To be honest, your husband may not have to go in, your daughter is way too young to really care about friends she's made and your mum will adapt. However, how will you feel about having to make a whole new life for yourself? Would your mum help with any babysitting at all - that is invaluable if she will do that. Where would you like to live for you??

[24601mary]

@happywombles thanks for your comment :)
In terms of babysitting, our parents on both sides are very supportive with that sort of thing , but we aren't the sort of people to take them up on it that frequently, so it wouldn't really be too much of a problem

I would want to remain in Peterborough if it was my choice as I want to stay close to my mum but I understand that if we do, there may come a time in the future where it's really necessary to relocate due to the amount my husband could be in the office. I know this is all ifs and maybes , but I want to give him the opportunity to flourish in a company he believes in and equally that then support me and our little girl . Also if there was an opportunity for him to work in the office I would kind of want that for him and me because it's healthy to have that separation during the day- due to covid we are in each other's pockets working and living constantly and I crave the day where we can both get back to working in an office and have the house as a home !!

It's so so tough and it's lovely to read everyone's comments and thoughts on this.