Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be not ready or willing to fall into the perimenopause weight gain cycle of doom

46 replies

Laughingstock91 · 25/03/2021 08:53

I am 48 next week and seem to have entered the 'nothing I do makes any difference to my weight' phase of life - I do have perimenopause symptoms (nausea, aching joints, not sleeping well and dizziness around both ovulation and period) and I am considering HRT. I do have to vary my exercise around my cycle though as during the rough hormonal periods, walking is about all I can do but I go every day.

But the weight thing is DOING MY HEAD IN totally. I have put on weight during lockdown and have tried loads of things I would normally do but I havent lost a single pound. WTF! These are my current desperate measures:

  • walking 15k steps most days
  • 2 HIIT workouts a week/ 1 5K run a week/ gradually introducing weights
  • Pretty much stopped drinking alcohol
  • plant based diet bar eggs
  • a bit of fasting plus I track everything and try to stick to around 1200 a day when trying to lose weight plus 2 800 fast days a week

I am trying everything and I have actually put on weight this week. I am 5/7.5 and around 11 stone 12 so I am in the higher BMI category and am ususally around 10 stone 12

Aibu to feel defeated by it- I dont want to just say 'fuck it' - I like being healthy and fit and a normal weight and I don't want to just cave in to it although its tempting sometimes to be honest.

What have you done that helps? Tell me some positive stories of getting past this perimenopause weight gain- I am not bloody ready for baggy clothes and nana arms!!!

OP posts:
Macncheeseballs · 25/03/2021 09:35

Strength training is meant to be good.

NurseButtercup · 25/03/2021 09:46

I started HRT, intermittent fasting (I eat between 10am and 7pm), increased my water intake, cut out processed sugar & bread, go to bed earlier. I lost 1stone in 3 weeks.

I've started walking 2-3 times per week for 2hrs. When the gyms reopen I'm planning to go back and start resistance training. I think my next change will be to try and transition to becoming vegan. All the celebs I follow that are 50+ and in amazing shape all state that they are vegan. I'll probably fail at being vegan because I can't seem to cut out cheese, eggs and fish so I'll probably either settle with being a vegetarian or pescaterian.

AgathaHarkness · 25/03/2021 09:50

Cut out sugar and reduce carbs - no bread, pasta, rice etc. Sigh.

Movinghouseatlast · 25/03/2021 10:01

After 8 years of this I have finally said 'fuck it'.

I hate how I look, I am a size 14 which on me is big as I am short.

But....

I just cannot live on so few calories. I feel horribly deprived and miserable just not fucking eating.

I eat healthily, I have embraced low carb, I eat loads of vegetables. I rarely have a pudding.

I now do 2 x Pilates and 2 x Zumba a week. I also do a fair amount of walking. I used to be at the gym 5 x a week doing HIIT classes and weights but that was pointless as I hated it and I was still fat.

After 8 years of struggling I'm now trying to embrace my new shape. I'm sure Nature does this for a reason but it's just not bloody fair.

It is still a struggle not getting any fatter, but at least I'm not half starved on 1200 calories a day- which is how it felt to me. I need at least 1500 to feel normal, I can't embrace hunger.

Movinghouseatlast · 25/03/2021 10:03

Sorry, that wasn't a positive story!

AnaofBroceliande · 25/03/2021 10:04

@Movinghouseatlast

After 8 years of this I have finally said 'fuck it'.

I hate how I look, I am a size 14 which on me is big as I am short.

But....

I just cannot live on so few calories. I feel horribly deprived and miserable just not fucking eating.

I eat healthily, I have embraced low carb, I eat loads of vegetables. I rarely have a pudding.

I now do 2 x Pilates and 2 x Zumba a week. I also do a fair amount of walking. I used to be at the gym 5 x a week doing HIIT classes and weights but that was pointless as I hated it and I was still fat.

After 8 years of struggling I'm now trying to embrace my new shape. I'm sure Nature does this for a reason but it's just not bloody fair.

It is still a struggle not getting any fatter, but at least I'm not half starved on 1200 calories a day- which is how it felt to me. I need at least 1500 to feel normal, I can't embrace hunger.

Same. I'm just not willing to live like that.
AnaofBroceliande · 25/03/2021 10:06

@Movinghouseatlast

Sorry, that wasn't a positive story!
Why isn't it? Life is for enjoying when we can.
SandysMam · 25/03/2021 10:13

@Movinghouseatlast I thought that was a really positive story! More so than “I starve myself and climb 4 mountains a day”! I bet you look lovely and happy and are fun to be with! Rather than hangry all the time!

Original poster
Laughingstock91 · 25/03/2021 10:33

@Movinghouseatlast I wish I had the same view as you but I just can't yet but I might feel different if this carries on!! Its just making me feel so rubbish as I dont feel myself (which is obviously classic perimenopause)

OP posts:
Movinghouseatlast · 25/03/2021 10:44

Well, it has taken 8 years to get to this place!!!

When it first started I did persevere on 1200 calories a day and huge amounts of exercise and I lost a bit of weight eventually. It all went back almost instantly, so I think the key is for it to be a way of life eating very little, never drinking, no sugar or carbs EVER. I have 2 friends who are still very slim in their mid 50's and both do that always. I just can't because I don't have the will power.

Celebrities can do it because their body is their career, they have a lot to lose if they put on weight. Can you imagine Liz Hurley rocking up as a size 16?!

PradaBallbag · 25/03/2021 10:48

I'm 51...I do a spin class every single day, sometimes two back to back. Two or three walks a week. I'm also a size 14 and short but I cannot live on 1200 calories - I would rather be a bit porky and happier than thin and miserable. I am EXTREMELY fit and this is what I am remaining positive about. Losing weight in your 50's is really bloody tough.

Meruem · 25/03/2021 10:51

I’ve also just embraced the weight gain. I exercise enough from a health perspective, but not willing to do more to try and lose weight. I don’t eat loads but enjoy what I do eat and not willing to cut out whole food groups. I couldn’t care less what other people think and I’ve never been hung up on my own appearance. I’m one of those people who look drawn and haggard when I’m slim anyway.

Original poster
Laughingstock91 · 25/03/2021 10:54

I have been allowing myself a day off a week so that I dont feel deprived and can eat sugar and carbs and drink if I want to - the problem is that just that one day has such an impact on me! God its grim!!

You are right that it is impossible to live like this long term but I feel like if I could get back to my normal weight, I might feel a bit better but that is proving hard at the moment too!

OP posts:
Frequentflier · 25/03/2021 11:01

I m 49, and exactly your height, and a size 10-12. I have managed to get my weight down from 12 stone to 11 stone in the last year. Aiming to be about 10 stone 5 or 6. I don't do as much exercise as you. I walk 10,000 steps most days, but I don't drink and I don't eat sugar except chocolate maybe once a month when PMSing. That wasn't hard as I do not have a sweet tooth. The really hard part was cutting down white carbs, which I now allow myself only once a day. I am 90% vegetarian.

I am sure all this sounds grim to some, but I am Asian and was at risk of being diabetic, so had no choice.

Hfjshdhs · 25/03/2021 11:03

Muscle deteriorates rapidly, you need to be lifting weights, and not things like 2kg dumbbells, actual decent weights. Obviously do this as part of a class or with a trainer!

GoWalkabout · 25/03/2021 11:11

I don't have a story but it sounds like a lot to ask of your body when you have peri tiredness.
What would happen I wonder if you

  • stuck to no alcohol and no sugar (because these are a nightmare for meno symptoms)
  • stuck to unprocessed plant based foods with some carbs and some eggs but unrestricted quantity (of fruits veggies and wholegrain) with gaps in between or 16/8
  • instead of long walks and HIIT do some yoga and relaxation to look after yourself more 'internally'.
  • lift some weights and do some running, but only a couple of times a week
I'm struggling with fatigue at the moment but the last few years on hrt I have kept fit and lowered my weight - before I started it I just had no energy to exercise.
AnaofBroceliande · 25/03/2021 18:09

The best exercise is the one you like to do. Trying to force yourself to do exercise you don't like is a hiding to nothing. Ditto deprivation.

HugeAckmansWife · 25/03/2021 18:32

I'm a little younger, not pm yet but before xmas I lost 12lb in 6 weeks with 1200 cals a day and 3 45 min workouts a week which were weight and body mass based, very little cardio. I really liked them as I didn't end up a sweaty mess, didn't even really need a sports bra for most of it. The 6 week course ended, Xmas came and I have put 10lb back on slowly but I'm going to try and get back to it. BUT, I am short, a size 14 and so long as I don't go above that it's fine. I have never been skinny. Even at 18 when I was fit as fuck and 7.5 St I wasnt skinny. Always had curves. I did OLD a couple of years back and had no issues with finding quite a few really nice guys (if that's what important), I get compliments on how I look, I'm working on the fitness thing for health reasons but I do think we should accept that it's not reasonable to expect to stay a size 10 unless you literally want to dedicate every waking moment to it.

Overcastcloudy · 25/03/2021 18:44

Similar age to you, OP. I lost a stone in the last few months. For me, limiting starchy carbs was the answer. I can have bread once a week. I eat 3 meals a day but one meal is always without rice/pasta/potatoes/oats/wheat. I am careful about portions of carbs. This is the first time I have ever controlled carbs so carefully, but it really worked.

I feel your pain!

CaptainPovey · 25/03/2021 18:48

I got rid of bread and it slowly made a difference

Hardly eat it any more

Overcastcloudy · 25/03/2021 18:49

Oh, and I do not have a day off. To be honest, I haven't needed it. I let myself have a bit of dark chocolate and a couple of sugary teas daily. I eat about 1400-1500 calories a day. It's sustainable.

AnaofBroceliande · 25/03/2021 18:53

@Overcastcloudy

Oh, and I do not have a day off. To be honest, I haven't needed it. I let myself have a bit of dark chocolate and a couple of sugary teas daily. I eat about 1400-1500 calories a day. It's sustainable.
I'd rather be a size 14. Ditto giving up bread. Nope.
Theredjellybean · 25/03/2021 19:13

You are not exercising that much.
You need weights training. Cardio and stamina.
I do something every day... Just walking is not enough.
I run, do hiit classes and weights. Two out of three a day.
1200 calories
But do eat carbs and drink alcohol.
I am size 12, yes have more middle fat than few yrs ago but not gained anything on scales

partyatthepalace · 25/03/2021 19:31

Well first off I would go and see a nutritionist because they are good for a reset - ideally someone who specialises in the problems of mid life. I am no expert, but I think you are eating v few calories and wonder if that is stalling things. I also wonder if as a nearly vegan you are high on carbs and low on protein.

Mummadeze · 25/03/2021 19:35

I am you apart from I am fatter and don’t eat eggs. No advice because I can not lose weight. It is a recent issue (am 47 on Monday)