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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To report him to HR?

43 replies

carsaretheworst · 24/03/2021 22:55

I used to work for a HUGE firm, big big big. In the FT all the time.

When there, this was 2 years ago, I worked with a manager who said that people fake mental illness for attention. He specifically said “a person on the streets of India isn’t depressed so why would you be”. He also went on to say autism is made up.

He further explained these were his opinions and his parents, both GPs, had the same belief.

I can almost understand the antiquated and ignorant behaviour with anxiety/depression, but making that comment about autism was just insane.

At the time, I was a timid second year graduate and was going through severe depression/anxiety (finally found out it’s OCD which has massively explained why my therapy wasn’t working!). I actually needed to work from home to later see a local therapist under the Employee Assistance Program. I reported his comments to my department but asked for it to not go further as I was scared. HR therefore didn’t get involved.

Today I found out he’s the newly appointed Mental Health Champion and First Aider. It makes me feel sick. The rates for mental illness are high in my industry. I don’t see how he could do the job. He wasn’t elected, it was a volunteer role along with 5 others most likely to help get promoted as he hasn’t since I left (he’d be expected to have progressed to Senior Manager by now)

After he knew I’d reported him, I never worked with him again and he actively avoided me. But I heard from others he was still sharing details of people being on sick leave and their reasons why, his thoughts on them faking it and still held the same opinions.

YABU - leave it, he’s entitled to his opinion
YANBU - HR needs to be made aware as he is now in a position that gravely affects others in their time of need

OP posts:
An0n0n0n · 24/03/2021 22:58

Yabu - not because he's entitles to his opinions but (however unlikey) he may have changed.

You've left the company, HR aren't the police. They dealt with your issue appropriately.

I mean it kindly but I think you need to find a way to move forward x

Original poster
carsaretheworst · 24/03/2021 23:01

@An0n0n0n as I explained above, HR never found out. It remained within a small circle.

His opinion hasn’t changed, he is still making the same remarks.

OP posts:
florencemartingale · 24/03/2021 23:05

Sounds as if you’re in a big 4 type environment. The chair of KPMG had to step down after telling staff to “stop moaning” and belittling their mental health. I think it’s important to raise it as a person in a position of power shouldn’t voice those opinions. X

An0n0n0n · 24/03/2021 23:09

Ok, Sorry misread. Then it would be useful for them to have a record of it. But I don't think they will do anything as you no longer work there. And with his new MH FA role it will be easy for him to play that card.

I'm on your side that you should report but just think about how you will feel if they do nothing or if they go the other way and want to do a full investigation - are you in a place to support that?

justilou1 · 24/03/2021 23:16

He sounds like a total arsehole and entirely unsuitable for the role. I used to work for a company that hired a guy with MANY reports against him for unwanted sexual comments and groping, and guess which role he got? Yes - Sexual Harassment Officer. (It was an airline, so there were LOTS...). I think they do this deliberately.

partyatthepalace · 24/03/2021 23:29

Yes I think you should let them know.

WisnaeMe · 25/03/2021 00:17

I'd be very disappointed to find someone in such a role having this opinion OP, awful man 🌺

PurplePansy05 · 25/03/2021 00:23

How confident are that the information you have is true?

Are you certain nothing happened in his personal life recently that would change his views?

Are you sure that when he was saying these things before he wasn't masking any issues himself?

He should not have acted in the way you describe but equally I wouldn't trust information obtained indirectly over the last few years and I know that people change, often as a result of their own experiences.

If he hasn't changed, his firm will know this soon enough and he won't continue in his role.

GrumpyHoonMain · 25/03/2021 00:27

Whistleblow to the CEO. They are dutybound to investigate but as whistleblowing must be reported officially now many will let go of staff in he said, she said cases like yours.

AlexaShutUp · 25/03/2021 00:29

I'm confused about who you reported it to, OP? You said the department. Was it his manager? Or did you not report and just mentioned it to your colleagues?

If you reported to a senior manager or head of department, it should have been dealt with anyway. In any organisation in which I have worked previously, HR wouldn't deal with this kind of thing even if it was reported to them. As someone else has said, they are not the police and it is not their job to discipline someone - that is the manager's role and HR would support the line manager in dealing with it.

Also, if you did report to the line manager at the time, you can't be sure that HR weren't involved anyway. As a manager, I would share information with HR as I saw fit, and I wouldn't be keeping secrets just because a complainant asked me to.

LaBellina · 25/03/2021 00:34

Yes I would report him. I doubt people change such extreme point of view in such a short amount of time.

And even if he did, and has become now fully supportive of MH issues, it doesn’t change the fact that others know what he said about this in the past and it might stop them from seeking help inside the company.
Please report him, adequate MH support inside the company is more important then protecting this man’s position in it.

AlexaShutUp · 25/03/2021 00:36

Sorry, to be clear, when I say that HR wouldn't deal with it, I don't mean that they would ignore any reports, but rather that they would hand these over to the line manager to deal with, with support from HR as required.

VanGoghsDog · 25/03/2021 00:42

@GrumpyHoonMain

Whistleblow to the CEO. They are dutybound to investigate but as whistleblowing must be reported officially now many will let go of staff in he said, she said cases like yours.
Non employees do not have whistleblower protection.

It's not really a whistleblowing matter anyway.

FaceyRomford · 25/03/2021 00:53

Leave it. What is your evidence? From what you write it seems to be hearsay. You are an ex-employee. Leave it and move on is my advice.

MrsRockAndRoll · 25/03/2021 08:44

You say he still feels the same way, but playing advocate how do you know this? Perhaps he has changed and now has empathy

SimplyMarvellousDarrrrrrling · 25/03/2021 09:03

I think you have done so much to come so far, that you should put your own health first
It's commendable that you want to protect others, but if he hasn't changed his vile attitude then his veil will slip

pinkyredrose · 25/03/2021 09:07

Report him. He's dangerous.

Insomnia5 · 25/03/2021 09:07

You should have followed through with the first complaint, pointless complaining otherwise as it’s achieved nothing. I don’t think there’s much you can do about it now, it’s all hearsay

skirk64 · 25/03/2021 09:10

If the firm is that big they will have a service for whistleblowers, use that.

SkedaddIe · 25/03/2021 09:16

I wouldn't be surprised if they did that to 'help him grow'. Fuck all the victims of his bullying he needs help to achieve the same as his 'pale male stale' peers. That means fixing (or learning to hide) his bigoted views.

I've worked in many senior pastoral networks and it never fails to amaze me how much focus is placed on the golden boys (and girls).

These are the 'grey' situations that show the deeply ingrained institutional racism, classism and sexism.

yellowbluefish · 25/03/2021 09:29

I don't know why people are suggesting whistleblowing. This isn't a whistleblowing case.

OP, you can report but I doubt they'll do anything. They may have a policy that they only investigate complaints from current employees. Even if they don't, they won't just accept your word against his. They'll want other witnesses to confirm what you've said is true before taking action. Are those people still around and would they be willing to provide a statement?

If I were you I wouldn't report it. I'm really sorry you experienced this though and that his behaviour wasn't addressed at the time. I understand why you didn't feel able to take the complaint further but it's a shame that other more senior employees didn't tackle it.

AmyLou100 · 25/03/2021 09:39

How did you find out he is still making these remarks and can you prove that? Why are those that received these comments or have first hand experience with him not reporting him?
I think you would go no where with this. Although i strongly agree with you about him.

Original poster
carsaretheworst · 25/03/2021 09:48

@PurplePansy05

How confident are that the information you have is true?

Are you certain nothing happened in his personal life recently that would change his views?

Are you sure that when he was saying these things before he wasn't masking any issues himself?

He should not have acted in the way you describe but equally I wouldn't trust information obtained indirectly over the last few years and I know that people change, often as a result of their own experiences.

If he hasn't changed, his firm will know this soon enough and he won't continue in his role.

I suppose I only have hearsay.

However, I do know about ex colleagues being off sick and those that worked with him are the only source. As he's the manager, he would be informed by resourcing, and the other staff - my friends - would never be told the information. Unless he leaked.

Yes it's Big 4.

OP posts:
Original poster
carsaretheworst · 25/03/2021 09:49

@AlexaShutUp

I'm confused about who you reported it to, OP? You said the department. Was it his manager? Or did you not report and just mentioned it to your colleagues?

If you reported to a senior manager or head of department, it should have been dealt with anyway. In any organisation in which I have worked previously, HR wouldn't deal with this kind of thing even if it was reported to them. As someone else has said, they are not the police and it is not their job to discipline someone - that is the manager's role and HR would support the line manager in dealing with it.

Also, if you did report to the line manager at the time, you can't be sure that HR weren't involved anyway. As a manager, I would share information with HR as I saw fit, and I wouldn't be keeping secrets just because a complainant asked me to.

I reported to the small department leader who spoke to him, they kept it away from HR on purpose as it would be taken far more seriously as HR are independent.

HR have usually dealt with it all before. It's not the first time this has happened. Although we also had sexual assaults in the department (which made an FT expose) and they were allowed to resign, so who knows.

OP posts:
Justcallmebebes · 25/03/2021 09:53

I think you'll probably be viewed as an ex employee with a grudge to be honest as it's your word against his. He still works there and as you don't they have no duty to take your comments on board. In the kindest possible way I think you ought to move on.

I work in law and there is very little sympathy or understanding of mental health issues at my extremely large well known firm. You either accept that here or move on.

Any chance his views may have changed? Maybe he's been affected personally in some way and his views have changed