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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To report him to HR?

43 replies

carsaretheworst · 24/03/2021 22:55

I used to work for a HUGE firm, big big big. In the FT all the time.

When there, this was 2 years ago, I worked with a manager who said that people fake mental illness for attention. He specifically said “a person on the streets of India isn’t depressed so why would you be”. He also went on to say autism is made up.

He further explained these were his opinions and his parents, both GPs, had the same belief.

I can almost understand the antiquated and ignorant behaviour with anxiety/depression, but making that comment about autism was just insane.

At the time, I was a timid second year graduate and was going through severe depression/anxiety (finally found out it’s OCD which has massively explained why my therapy wasn’t working!). I actually needed to work from home to later see a local therapist under the Employee Assistance Program. I reported his comments to my department but asked for it to not go further as I was scared. HR therefore didn’t get involved.

Today I found out he’s the newly appointed Mental Health Champion and First Aider. It makes me feel sick. The rates for mental illness are high in my industry. I don’t see how he could do the job. He wasn’t elected, it was a volunteer role along with 5 others most likely to help get promoted as he hasn’t since I left (he’d be expected to have progressed to Senior Manager by now)

After he knew I’d reported him, I never worked with him again and he actively avoided me. But I heard from others he was still sharing details of people being on sick leave and their reasons why, his thoughts on them faking it and still held the same opinions.

YABU - leave it, he’s entitled to his opinion
YANBU - HR needs to be made aware as he is now in a position that gravely affects others in their time of need

OP posts:

OverTheRubicon · 25/03/2021 09:54

Yabu. If you were still there and struggling with him saying these things I'd absolutely say you should report, and if you have friends still there and they hear him saying these things, they should report too.

But this was 2 years ago and you are no longer an employee. Perhaps he's come to some huge realisations after life changes for him or someone close to him. Who knows. The reality is that Mental Health Champion is rarely something that's going to make a meaningful difference to promotion, so maybe it is a new passion for him. There's also a pretty huge chance it's a fairly meaningless post and you'll be causing yourself distress for no reason.

UrAWizHarry · 25/03/2021 09:54

If you don't work for the company any more I fail to see how this is any of your business.

AlexaShutUp · 25/03/2021 09:54

I reported to the small department leader who spoke to him, they kept it away from HR on purpose as it would be taken far more seriously as HR are independent.

Sounds like a totally fucked up, toxic culture in which nobody is accountable for anything, then.

JustLyra · 25/03/2021 10:02

If he hasn’t followed the usual path of promotion then they probably know.

This will be his way of showing he’s changed. By allowing him to do it it shows they don’t care (or perhaps they’re setting him up for a fall).

MuthaFunka61 · 25/03/2021 10:40

I understand that sometimes we need to be heard by someone in a position of authority,and I'm wondering if this is the case here?

If so I think it's important that you safeguard yourself first and have a think around the situation.
Questions like;
Who can I report to?
What will this entail for me?
Will any personal information remain confidential ?

If you're confident that there will be no comeback for you and you recognise that nothing may happen and you're reporting for yourself rather than to see an outcome then I'd suggest you follow through with your concerns.

StellaKowalski · 25/03/2021 10:42

@FaceyRomford

Leave it. What is your evidence? From what you write it seems to be hearsay. You are an ex-employee. Leave it and move on is my advice.

This

Happyd · 25/03/2021 16:32

Leave it , it's a volunteer role , the fact he has never been promoted I think is the company's way of keeping him in line and as a punishment

SwatchIt · 25/03/2021 16:36

Are you saying HR isn’t in-house?

Usagi12 · 25/03/2021 16:43

They wouldn't be able to do anything anyway. It was too long ago, it wasn't raised at the time, you're no longer with the company and it's your word against his. They wouldn't even record the complaint. What exactly do you want them to do?

toffeebutterpopcorn · 25/03/2021 16:48

I would.

I have actually come across this a few times now - the most surprising people up for roles that they are completely unsuitable and unsympathetic for. Are they trying to set an agenda or prove that they aren't (insert bias/biogotry here).

Tomyoneandonly · 25/03/2021 16:59

I would leave it. I feel sorry for the people he workes with. He does have the same opinion as a lot of older people. People who don't agree with any mh issues and children with learning and behaviour issues. So he is a low brain person.

8bitgame · 25/03/2021 17:51

I work in HR and whilst we would be concerned to note someone in that position had made those comments

a) it is 2 years ago so difficult to investigate due to being historical and it doesn't sound like you have any evidence

b) you are an ex-employee. The organisations grievance procedure will probably have an amount of time in which you can raise a grievance once you have left (ours is 5 days)

c) it's not a public interest matter

d) it would be a management not HR issue (unless it was then proven and became a disciplinary etc).

I think you could raise it so that they are aware but I wouldn't expect any action or follow up.

I hope you have now found a role in a supportive company

8bitgame · 25/03/2021 17:54

*when I say proven mean found that there was enough to warrant a disciplinary following an investigation. Which doesn't sound like it would be the case here due to lack of evidence, being 2 years ago etc

CuthbertDibbleandGrubb · 25/03/2021 17:55

I think you should report it. I think that the fact you found out in itself is of concern, as I would never disclose who our mental health champions and mental health first aiders are to anyone outside the company I work for. There is also the discussion of other people's illnesses beyond those who need to know, which suggests a concern about confidentiality.

Bluntness100 · 25/03/2021 17:55

Honestly I’m not sure what you can do, you left a couple of years ago. Unless you’ve evidence this is going to look like a weird stalkery revenge thing.

AnaofBroceliande · 25/03/2021 17:59

I think you'd come across as an ex-employee with a grudge. I'd move on.

mynameiscalypso · 25/03/2021 18:01

Also Big 4 so can understand the politics of the situation. I don't actually think HR would view it as a matter for them to get involved with - I would expect it to be dealt with by the relevant partner and/or whoever does his appraisal (keeping language vague to avoid outing which one I work for!). I also think it might have been given to him as part of his development. Our former HR Partner fully admitted that he'd been given the role because he had rubbish people skills and it was a way to help improve them. I also don't think the role that this person has is very significant at all. I've had various MH issues (including time off work) and have never dealt with anyone other than the partners I work with/OH.

Bluntness100 · 25/03/2021 18:10

@AnaofBroceliande

I think you'd come across as an ex-employee with a grudge. I'd move on.

That’s what I think. The whole “I’m hearing from others” is just going to be irrelevant from a former employee, too much time has passed now, it’s been years, and the fact any issues you had at the time weren’t properly reported there is nothing they can do.

If current employees have issues with him, then they need to report. You are no longer part of that organisation and you have no current grievance. You need to move on. If the employees have issues, it’s their place to deal with it, not yours.

What it is concerning is why after so long you are still so emotionally involved. You must understand reporting him is down to employees if they have issues, and you are not an employee and have not been for a long time.

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