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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Bf punched a hole in the wall

30 replies

Itsasin1981 · 23/03/2021 20:41

Came home from work today and noticed a hole in our wall about 2 inches wide.
Asked him what had happened and he said he had punched it in anger.
We are in a rental property, so unless we can cover it well we'll be paying for damages.
He said he's done this in a previous flat too.
Aibu to be mad at this.

OP posts:
Original poster
Itsasin1981 · 23/03/2021 20:43

If it were an accident it would be different

OP posts:
ArmchairTraveller · 23/03/2021 20:43

You’re daft to be living with a boy who can’t control his anger or redirect it to something less destructive.

JackieTheFart · 23/03/2021 20:43

do you really need to ask?

FireBelliedToad · 23/03/2021 20:44

Run.

Notaroadrunner · 23/03/2021 20:44

You are unreasonable to stay with him. It could be your face next time he's angry.

Royalbloo · 23/03/2021 20:44

Not "we'll be paying"..."He'll be paying"

I'd leave.

Embracelife · 23/03/2021 20:44

Why is he your bf?

Unless he gets help for his anger.

YNK · 23/03/2021 20:45

Why stay with someone as menacing as this?
He's admitted to doing it before so clearly he's not going to change.
LTB, OP!

takealettermsjones · 23/03/2021 20:45

Just throw the whole boyfriend away

Shehasadiamondinthesky · 23/03/2021 20:46

I would dump him, I can't stand people who do this they are scum.

Tigerchips · 23/03/2021 20:46

Christ. No

23PissOffAvenueWF · 23/03/2021 20:47

Are you being unreasonable to be mad at this?

Sigh.

You’re being 100% unreasonable to stay with a man who punches holes in walls out of ‘anger’.

This is not normal behaviour, but if you have to have this explained to you, I suspect the issues run much, much deeper than what’s at hand in this particular thread.

B33Fr33 · 23/03/2021 20:48

Not able to manage his emotions in a healthy way. Fixing a wall is straightforward. Get him.on that while you look for somewhere away from him.

Solasum · 23/03/2021 20:48

My ex has form for this. He never hit me in anger, but I was always worried he would. It is no way to live. Better safe and alone OP.

BonnieDundee · 23/03/2021 20:49

Get rid. Hes a violent arsehole. It's not normal to punch holes in walls. Even worse that it's not one off

thistimelastweek · 23/03/2021 20:49

So, you're indoors on your own. What could make you so angry you punch a hole in the wall?

Can't be right.

ArmchairTraveller · 23/03/2021 20:50

Several members of my family have hot tempers. They run, sing, swim...channel the anger.
Punching holes in walls is not a reasonable choice

Ilovenutellaaaaa · 23/03/2021 20:52

Op who was he so angry at that he punched a hole in the wall?...you say you found out when you got home (it happened when you wasn't there)....I'm hoping it wasn't a child/children..if it was then don't leave them with him...

I agree with the other posters...he pays for repairs, and you need to rethink your relationship with him...imagine if he got as angry as that while arguing with you, lost his temper and lost control and punched you ...you can't say it won't happen, because he's already shown he has anger issues...punching holes in walls is not normal, and he's told.you he did it in a previous home too, so this is an ongoing issue with him (not a one off thing)....if you stay with him he needs to get anger management , otherwise you will be walking on eggshells worried about setting off his temper

HollowTalk · 23/03/2021 20:53

Do you wonder what would have happened if you'd been there?

Speakuptomakeyourselfheard · 23/03/2021 20:58

Tell him you're not happy about the fact he can't control his anger and providing he's never laid a hand on you, tell him you expect him to get help IMMEDIATELY! Any refusal to do so should be taken as a red flag, in which case get rid of him as quickly as you can.

The reason I don't say run for the hills immediately, is that my husband had trouble controlling his anger when we were first together, he had been known to throw things, break things, etc. It got to a point where it started to scare me, so I told him how I felt, and long story short, he got help with his anger issues, and has NEVER laid a finger on me, so it's not necessarily too late to sort this behaviour out, but he only gets one chance. In my experience, men who can't control their anger have a problem expressing themselves in words, and need to learn that there are other ways of dealing with things.

starfishmummy · 23/03/2021 21:00

Could be you next time. Leave.

OverTheRubicon · 23/03/2021 21:00

Wish I'd broken up with my ex the first time he punched a wall. Sadly I'm a slow learner, so it took me another decade and 3 DCs and a lot of wonderful times punctuated by sheer misery.

Get rid.

MiddlesexGirl · 23/03/2021 21:01

Joint tenancy or sole?

Rumplestrumpet · 23/03/2021 21:03

Run for the hills. This is how it starts and it really doesn't end well.

LexMitior · 23/03/2021 21:04

People who punch walls aren't people you should be around, OP. That is some scary stuff he is doing, and you need to think of yourself and not his explanation.