He's lying to me isn't he?

[nc103]

I have name changed as I've been a mumsnetter for years.

My ex H and I still live together (our rental agreement runs out in June, made sense financially to stay put, amicable split, separate bedrooms, no problems etc).

I'm 30 and got chatting to a 31 year old through a social media app, I'll call him Alex.

So Alex is a brand ambassador from which I was purchasing using his discount code (available for everyone) and he messaged me one day just how are you etc. Told me he had split from his fiancée was still living there whilst saving for his own place and has 2 kids age 8 and 3. He works nights, states he sleeps in bed with his 3 year old son when he has the night off etc. Had no reason to disbelieve him as ultimately I am in the same position but with no DC.

We connected mentally, messages turned to phone calls and what not and after 5 months we were supposed to meet (when restaurants etc were re-opened) for lunch. He cancelled on me twice (his child was ill, understandable) then he had to work (I was a bit annoyed this time, but again understood he wanted extra cash for his DS birthday that was around the corner).

His ex works for a phone company and his contract is under her name so she can see any numbers etc. Therefore, he will only ring through WhatsApp not regular call, he will only message through the app, no texting, he has to call me first etc.

Anyway, he told me last week they're going on holiday in August in the UK, it had been booked before they split and kept being moved due to covid, again said he was going for the kids.

All of her profiles are on private so I cannot see anything of hers apart from her recent business page where Alex's sister and mother still refer to her as "sister in law" "daughter in law".

I do not want to break a family up, I don't want to be "the other woman" that is not who I am. I haven't bought up that I can see her business page as I don't want it to look like I'm stalking (I am because I have a gut feeling!). He'd previously told me she is close with his family still.

Please somebody just tell me that I'm not being irrational and confirm these are major red flags because when I speak to him, I laugh, I'm happy and I'm so confused.

I'm being an idiot aren't I?

I'm so sorry @Serendipity79

@AmyLou100 our relationship was done a long time ago. We've amicably split and he will always be a friend to me. We've known each other a long time but we are both happy to go our separate ways.

Thanks again everyone.

I've had 3 messages from him on social media regarding missing me, I didn't reply and I've now deleted that particular app. He hasn't contacted me by phone.

Hope you’re okay OP. You’ve done the right thing cooling it off, if he is single then he will come back once he has his own space, and if he isn’t you’ve saved yourself a lot of heartache. X

You’ve never even met this guy! I’m glad you’ve put the kybosh on it and all that...but come on...he contacted you from out of nowhere. Who else did he put the feelers out to? Who is this man anyway? What are his marital arrangements?
You can’t phone him (clearly hiding something), he’s cancelled on you twice, his marital arrangements are completely unknown.
Why are you bothering your arse about him?

@jessstan2 to be honest I am not sure I have got over it even now. I didn’t know about his emotional affairs until two years later when I’d had our second baby and stupidly believed him when he said he wouldn’t do it again. He went on to become abusive, did it again and blamed me for it because I “didn’t trust him enough” I ended it almost three years ago now and I’m still not recovered really. Only after I threw him out did I realise he’d been telling everyone I was suicidal, controlling, I’d kill myself and the kids if I was left on my own and that was why he couldn’t leave me. The women were falling over themselves to tell me the details 😢

Oh Seren, that is just so hard to bear. What an arsehole he is! I pity anyone else with whom he may get involved. You are well out of it. I hope better things are in store for you.