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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask if you ‘like’ people’s posts on FB/Insta if they don’t ever ‘like’ yours?

38 replies

Lightcontrol · 23/03/2021 19:10

I know most of the replies will be ‘how old are you, 12?! Why do you care?’ etc but I’m wondering if other people feel similar?

As an example, SIL never likes/ comments/ responds to anything I post on FB. I don’t post that much, once every few weeks and (in normal times anyway) it’s mostly photos of days/ nights out with friends/ pictures of my dogs/ scenic walks etc. Occasionally it might be the odd status but that’s rare.

SIL posts most days, mostly pictures of my niece and nephew or something related to my niece and nephew like how their parents evening went etc. I usually like her posts as I love my niece and nephew so why not?

My mum made a comment a couple of weeks ago that she’s noticed SIL never ‘likes’ anything I put on FB. I joked that she’s probably unfollowed me (it’s probably true but why I don’t know as I post nothing offensive) my mum said she thought it was quite bad as she likes all our other family members posts and is all over them all the time even though she’s only met them a few times.

Yesterday I posted some ‘life news’ obviously she hasn’t liked/ interacted with it at all. Before when this has happened, the next time I see her she’ll say something like ‘oh congrats on the new job, I saw it on FB.’ So she clearly does see things. Obviously I’m not seeing her atm so she hasn’t had a chance to tell me she’s seen my news on FB (just letting me know that she DOES see my stuff) Hmm

She’s posted tonight a picture of her and my niece and nephew, I went to click ‘like’ and then thought, no, I’m not going to give it my usual ‘like’ because as petty as it sounds, I’m starting to think why the hell should I. She takes zero interest in my life, not just on FB but in general, she makes it clear she doesn’t really like me yet puts on a performance in front of my other family members and I’m just a bit sick of it tbh.

I feel bad as it’s not my niece and nephew’s fault but ultimately, I feel like a bit of a prat constantly interacting with someone’s FB who completely ignores mine.

People always say ‘FB isn’t real life’ but sometimes it can be reflective of it. I’ve had conversations with friends who have said they’ve deliberately ignored certain people’s SM posts, people do do it.

Do you like people’s posts that never interact with yours, or have you done similar?

OP posts:
XenoBitch · 23/03/2021 19:17

If I see a post/photo that I like, I click like or whatever other react is appropriate. I don't give any thought as to whether they have ever liked any of my stuff. I don't post stuff for likes.. I post stuff because it made me smile, or I post to reflect on something.

katy1213 · 23/03/2021 19:19

I know life is boring at the moment - but, yes, are you 12?

littlepattilou · 23/03/2021 19:20

I don't care too much, and don't count the amount of 'likes' any one person gives me, but I do noticed/have noticed if someone never EVER comments or 'likes' anything I post. There have been a small handful of people like this, but I have unfollowed or unfriended them, as I didn't have a lot to do with them anyway.

YANBU to feel the way you do. Don't let it get to you. Flowers

MrsTerryPratchett · 23/03/2021 19:21

Yesterday I posted some ‘life news’ obviously she hasn’t liked/ interacted with it at all. Before when this has happened, the next time I see her she’ll say something like ‘oh congrats on the new job, I saw it on FB.’

This is a healthy, normal, nice thing to do. Actual humans talking to each other is far far more important than SM.

onemouseplace · 23/03/2021 19:24

Doesn't the algorithm mean that if a person hasn't really interacted with you, then they may not see your posts?

I may be 12, but I do notice it as well. I have someone who is supposed to be a good friend, but I noticed no longer followed me on her business account. I wouldn't have minded, but it was very, very obvious that she still followed all our mutual friends, and also commented prolifically on their posts from her business account (ie on a daily basis). I unfollowed that account - childish I know, but it was just really odd.

PandoraP · 23/03/2021 19:26

No way. I know exactly who are giver of likes and who aren’tGrin

Wide · 23/03/2021 19:29

OP I just want to say I understand ypur post and how you are looking at it, I swear people love to turn things round on here like the OP is always the weird one and I hpnestly could not care less if anyone responds to me as I probably will not read this again. Maybe stop liking her stuff for abit too, don't be a beg and then she might think 'ooh' also it worka the other way there's a mutual appreciation like where the same people like eachothers stuff in a type of friendly way

Wide · 23/03/2021 19:30

....also maybe like the kids posts but nothing else

shouldistop · 23/03/2021 19:30

If I see something I like then I do. I genuinely wouldn't notice if someone never liked anything I put up.
Why is your mum shit stirring between you and your SIL?

ReverendRicketyCricket · 23/03/2021 19:31

Get your mum to save the pictures of your niece/nephew and mail them to you. You still get to see the pictures and you can put your SIL on 'restricted' or whatever it is.

I 'like' what I like on FB and give no thought whatever to the return 'like' ratio of the person in question.

MrsWP · 23/03/2021 19:31

Honestly this used to get to me. A lot.

That people would "like" something posted a similar time to a post I would post. And not like mine.

So made me assume I was unfollowed. So either I'm annoying or they don't like me.

Now I post a lot less and only to a select audience of people who I won't over think if they like my post or not.

Saves me sooooo much mental turmoil.

(Before the bitches pile in - google Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria - it's a very horrible part of ADHD that has really ruined my life.)

ginsparkles · 23/03/2021 19:31

The algorithms mean she probably doesn't see your posts. It tends to only show things you interact with. So if she hasn't liked things regularly, it won't show her any of your posts

An0n0n0n · 23/03/2021 19:32

Sounds like your mum is stirring

gurglebelly · 23/03/2021 19:34

I wouldn't have a clue how frequently people like my posts on social media, and I certainly wouldn't be petty enough to 'retaliate'. Very odd behaviour for adults

williowrosenburg · 23/03/2021 19:42

Yes I too notice things like this. So def not being unreasonable.

One thing I've wondered though... does anyone have Facebook "friends" who they used to know (say an old school friend), you haven't seen them in years....who you feel awkward liking/commenting on their stuff?? Like I don't really know you anymore so feel weird liking a picture of the cakes you baked this weekend .... 🤔 might just be me ....

MrsTerryPratchett · 23/03/2021 19:42

(Before the bitches pile in - google Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria - it's a very horrible part of ADHD that has really ruined my life.)

I have ADHD. I'm sorry you struggle with it. Please don't call other women bitches. Misogyny affects my life.

MrsTerryPratchett · 23/03/2021 19:44

you haven't seen them in years....who you feel awkward liking/commenting on their stuff??

I like posts from people I can't even remember. I don't comment though!

siyhack58342 · 23/03/2021 19:46

I like what I like on insta, literally don't even look at who likes my pics. Social media never stresses me out, I just like looking at the pictures and sending fire emojis haha

Honestly, free yourself from worrying about likes. And your mum is a shit stirrer tbh.

NotMyCircusNotMyProblem · 23/03/2021 19:46

As far as I'm concerned, SM (like friendship) is a two way thing.

In RL, I speak, make polite chit chat and compliment my friends and acquaintances.

I think it only good manners to apply the same rules to SM. If people like my posts, I will reciprocate. If they don't play then neither do I because let's face it, it only takes two seconds to like someone's post or pic.

Spillanelle · 23/03/2021 19:49

You say she doesn’t take any interest in your life, but also say that she congratulates you in person if you post news on Facebook.

That doesn’t make any sense, she obviously does take an interest in your life. I think you’re being petty, I wouldn’t have a clue who regularly likes my posts, and certainly don’t feel obliged to like other people’s comments. If a friend posts something exciting, I generally message them offline to say congrats. Perhaps I’m just old.

Original poster
Lightcontrol · 23/03/2021 20:02

She doesn’t take an interest in person though, quite often my mum will say ‘ohhh LightControl’s got a new job’ (or something along those lines) and then she’ll go (in front of me) ‘oh yeh, I saw on FB, congrats.’ End of convo. She literally takes zero interest and talks about herself the.entire.time. I nod enthusiastically and try ask her about her life etc and get sweet FA in return. It’s the same on SM.

I think she has unfollowed me as years ago she’d like the odd thing I posted. She met my cousin once over the summer, barely spoke to her from what I saw yet every time my cousin posts on SM she comments ‘Miss you hun, hope you’re okay hun.’ Hmm she did similar yesterday and my mum mentioned it as it IS odd and OTT for someone you’ve only met once. I then said yeh, it’s funny because she can fawn over someone she doesn’t know, who she’s only met once, yet she can’t take any interest in her SIL’s life. The SIL that has always made an effort with her. That was basically the convo, bitchy yes, but SIL knows what she’s doing when she fawns over my relatives whom she barely knows, knowing that I’ll see.

This post has turned into a SIL bashing one and, actually that’s not what was intended.

I guess I do feel childish for feeling the way I do, so perhaps I just wanted that validated. As petty and childish as it is though, I’ve just unfollowed her. I see her and my Niece/ Nephew often enough in ‘normal times’ to just interact with her and pay an interest when I see her. I don’t need to do so on SM too, especially if she’s not going to ever reciprocate.

OP posts:
spaceghetto · 23/03/2021 20:17

Maybe come off Facebook? I mean this in a kind way. I did during lockdown as there were a few similar things to you that really upset me! I honestly feel much happier. I love coming on here instead, I like the anonymity and honesty. I hope you're ok though, your sil sounds horrible!

LindaEllen · 23/03/2021 20:21

I very rarely react to anything, but if I do, I do so because the post actually affected me - whether it made me laugh, made me think ah that's nice, or made me feel sorry for the person.

If I was feeling that way about someone, that I didn't want to react to their posts for some petty reason, I'd be wondering why I had them added as a 'friend' in the first place.

RolloTomassi · 23/03/2021 20:22

I hear you, OP. In a weird way, a "like" is also a little show of support and interest. Yes, we all know it's only FB and there's much more to life - but I'd ease off the liking!

Wishing14 · 23/03/2021 20:33

Tbh I would do the opposite and like their posts more because I imagine it would be more annoying to them for someone they don’t really like, for whatever ridiculous reason, to keep popping up on their feed Wink It also makes them look a bit petty and silly then. I would do this in real life too, if someone is rude I would be pointedly nice and smiley in return. Because actually that will annoy them far more. Don’t let other people get to you with their pettiness. Rise above. I agree with deleting Facebook though, I’ve not had it in years and much happier without it!