WTF? Strangers Making Babies TV show

[Doyoumind]

Just read about this programme which starts on Channel 4 tonight where single people wanting children are matched with a stranger they could coparent with without a romantic relationship.

I don't even know where to start.

@2021mumma

I think if you have two consenting adults who want the same thing in life and it hasn’t happened traditionally - why not?!

Because it's not just about them. Sometimes you just can't have what you want.

[quote MrsGogolsGumbo]@FightingTheFoo That's pretty homophobic comparing gay men who want to be fathers (nothing wrong or dangerous inherent there) with blind peoplewho want to pilot and people with Parkinson's wanting to be surgeons which are both dangerous for obvious reasons! [/quote]
There is danger to the surrogate

I was with my ex husband for 18 years. We had 3 children together. He's not a bad man, and is a good father. However, he can be a difficult man and it's not just the co-parenting that can be a challenge, it's having him in my life full-stop!
I thought I knew him inside out and could trust him with my life. We had history, which these people will not. But people change. I'd advise these numpties to be wary of who they choose to have children with. Actually, I'd advise anyone the same! You're connected through your kids for life.

But to the poster that said they would rather go down the sperm doner route and do it alone what about the man in this that also wants to be a parent? They don't have that choice

It’s too bad! Not everything has to be “fair” for men (it’s certainly not for women), that’s biology. Women are the ones who get pregnant and take on all the risks that go with that, they shouldn’t be banned from using a sperm diner just because you feel it’s not fair to men who also want children.

How miserable for the child and selfish and disrespectful of the aspiring ‘co-parents’.

How can a broadcaster ethically justify treating the creation of a child, which will need coparenting with that stranger for that baby’s whole life, with less thought than getting a bloody lockdown cockapoo. Christ.

I’ve absolutely nothing against actual coparenting- which has nothing to do with meeting someone off a gameshow. It looks like fucking hard work and involves endless compromises when it’s done with the kids’ interests central to it. It has none of the perks of parenting within a partnered relationship and lots of new stresses of its own involved. I have a lot of respect for people who can do it.

@naunet

The point being woman can't have children without the sperm

These people are both wanting the same thing and neither can naturally have child without the other!

I don't understand why do many people think it's not OK for a man to use a woman for a child but everyone seems fine with a woman using a man!

Obviously the woman has more risks but they are consenting to this just like I consented to having my child

[quote MrsGogolsGumbo]@FightingTheFoo That's pretty homophobic comparing gay men who want to be fathers (nothing wrong or dangerous inherent there) with blind peoplewho want to pilot and people with Parkinson's wanting to be surgeons which are both dangerous for obvious reasons! [/quote]
That's patently not the analogy I was making but well done for getting my post removed.

My point was many people are limited by biology - that doesn't give them a "right" to things that other people without that biological limit have.

Gay men cannot give birth. That isn't homophobic and if you think it is you've lost your marbles.

[quote MrsGogolsGumbo]@FightingTheFoo That's pretty homophobic comparing gay men who want to be fathers (nothing wrong or dangerous inherent there) with blind peoplewho want to pilot and people with Parkinson's wanting to be surgeons which are both dangerous for obvious reasons! [/quote]
And as PP said - there is danger to the woman giving birth. But who gives a fuck about women eh? We're just walking wombs to be used at will.

One of the women involved is on this thread
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/telly_addicts/4202713-Strangers-Making-Babies?msgid=105925860#105925860

The comments on here have made me cry. I am desperate to be a mummy. Its totally consuming my life. Unless you are infertile or know you can't have children the conventional way, you have NO idea how all consuming it is.

@Itreallytiedtheroomtogether ok you have a point there, there is always risk to the woman who is pregnant.

@FightingTheFoo

*That's patently not the analogy I was making but well done for getting my post removed.

My point was many people are limited by biology - that doesn't give them a "right" to things that other people without that biological limit have.

Gay men cannot give birth. That isn't homophobic and if you think it is you've lost your marbles.*

That was not obvious in your original post at all since you made the direct comparison between gay men wanting to be fathers and the blind/Parkinson's sufferers doing jobs that would be dangerous to do.

If your comment was removed perhaps it's not just me that thinks your comment came over as homophobic, although I did absolutely report it.

You could have made the point you are apparently aiming for simply with that last sentence - not that I necessarily agree with that either but at least it doesn't come over as bigoted against one group.

Damn not being able to edit!

Quote was supposed to be in bold and the sentence I was pointing out that made your point better was this one:
"My point was many people are limited by biology - that doesn't give them a "right" to things that other people without that biological limit have."

Not the Gay men cant give birth one

@LudoBear

The comments on here have made me cry. I am desperate to be a mummy. Its totally consuming my life. Unless you are infertile or know you can't have children the conventional way, you have NO idea how all consuming it is.

You have all my sympathy, I've been there in terms of MMCs and it was one of the worst times of my life. All consuming and it changed me as a person.

But, there is a point to be made that biology is being ignored, women being used and babies are being bought and sold. Surrogacy is an issue that need wider discussion imo and this program is a disgrace.

@LudoBear

The comments on here have made me cry. I am desperate to be a mummy. Its totally consuming my life. Unless you are infertile or know you can't have children the conventional way, you have NO idea how all consuming it is.

I couldn't have children so I know full well how all consuming it is. You have my sympathy and hope you will have children one day. But nevertheless sometimes you do just have to accept.

I don't agree with making a TV show about this but I have no issues with the concept.

Not everyone is fortunate enough to find a partner to have a child with, through no fault of their own. Should they be punished for this and have the right to have a child taken away from them? No. And saying it's treating children like accessories, that's highly offensive. By this argument a lot of married parents could be guilty of this.

Being single shouldn't mean you can't have your own version of a family.

@merrymouse

And it will be for the benefit of a TV show. There are few rules and regulations that govern how participants are treated. The goal is to make television, not to help the people involved.

Wrong. The program films would-be co- parents who are applying to an agency that provides this ,matching service and has done for some time. The agency claims that their vetting procedure takes a year and is very extensive.

How true that is was very questionable. Supposedly each applicant is "matched " to persons meeting their requirements; but in episode one, women actually met with a man who did not reveal his heart problems to her; a man with a serious fertility problem he did not reveal to her, and a man aged 50 (outside her listed age range).

This is not about people opting to be a single parent (and even gay/single men can do that via surrogacy). far worse; its about people who prefer to be part-time parents .

It would be one thing to follow people who have chosen to do this, it’s something else to set them up. Totally inappropriate.

Wrong. The program films would-be co- parents who are applying to an agency that provides this ,matching service and has done for some time. The agency claims that their vetting procedure takes a year and is very extensive.

If the agency were very sensitive the very, very last thing they would be doing would be putting their clients on television.

Bloody Hell. I thought married at first sight was bad! This is worse though as babies are involved. Are these people going to genuinely want a baby or it’ll be the usual collection of less than intelligent narcissists?

I've just set it to download to judge for myself but, on tge surface, it seems like an absolutely appalling idea for a telly show. I don't know what else to say!

Instead of this exploitative ratings-chasing they could have made a documentary about people doing actual coparenting which would be interesting and informative- especially if it was with some families with grown up children who could give their POV too.

Living in two homes or having sets of parents who take turns being in the kids’ home has its challenges even if the kids haven’t had to go through a separation between the parents and even if there is no acrimony between any of their parents, the parents’ partners/spouses, or other siblings, half siblings

I agree with PPs who say having children isn't a right. A strong urge or desire or longing don't equate to a right.

I'm most concerned by the child's rights. My parents split up when I was a child so I've personal experience of parents living apart.

I'm not with my DC's father. He turned out to be an abusive idiot and a bad father. I didn't foresee that or how bad it would be. My plans for life never involved having my DC spending time in two different households. Although a lot of children end up in that position, I don't believe for a minute that's the ideal for them. Having a setup where that's the case from the start isn't based on what is best for the child.

As someone said, even people we've known intimately can turn out not to be who we expected. When we have children with them they are in our lives and having a significant and possibly negative impact on our children for the long term.

Coparenting is rarely easy. Doing it with someone you don't know well has disaster written all over it. Just because some people end up doing it having had a one night stand etc doesn't make it the right thing to do.

It feels like there's so much that could go wrong here. People are putting their desires ahead of considerations about the outcome.

@Doyoumind

I agree with PPs who say having children isn't a right. A strong urge or desire or longing don't equate to a right.

I'm most concerned by the child's rights. My parents split up when I was a child so I've personal experience of parents living apart.

I'm not with my DC's father. He turned out to be an abusive idiot and a bad father. I didn't foresee that or how bad it would be. My plans for life never involved having my DC spending time in two different households. Although a lot of children end up in that position, I don't believe for a minute that's the ideal for them. Having a setup where that's the case from the start isn't based on what is best for the child.

As someone said, even people we've known intimately can turn out not to be who we expected. When we have children with them they are in our lives and having a significant and possibly negative impact on our children for the long term.

Coparenting is rarely easy. Doing it with someone you don't know well has disaster written all over it. Just because some people end up doing it having had a one night stand etc doesn't make it the right thing to do.

It feels like there's so much that could go wrong here. People are putting their desires ahead of considerations about the outcome.

Well said

Instead of this exploitative ratings-chasing they could have made a documentary about people doing actual coparenting which would be interesting and informative- especially if it was with some families with grown up children who could give their POV too.

Agree

[quote FightingTheFoo]@MorganKitten Sorry but there isn't one. [/quote]
The friends I have who were raised in single parent households are actually on the whole happier than those who were raised in traditional families.

Do you also think it's selfish for parents to separate when the relationship is toxic 'for the sake of the kids'?

Here's a study showing children in single parent homes are equally happy: www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/health-news/children-no-less-happy-single-parent-homes-study-finds-9278689.html