Marriage

[SavannahBentley]

I really want to get married, my boyfriend does not... should I leave him? Or am I being abit mad

He never wants to get married or just not yet?
How long have you been together?

Depends. How long have you been together? Has he said he never wants to get married. Have you discussed why that is his stance?

We need a bit more info, OP!

We have been together for 5 years we have a daughter, 3 yo.
He says he never wants to get married
Because ‘he doesn’t see the point’
And because no one in his family is and apparently all marriages end in failure ....

Why do you want to get married?

He doesn’t sound like very promising husband material to be honest.

How do your finances work? What about childcare?

I mean I’m the main bread winner, and our daughter attends nursery so none of that is an issue

OK, that's reassuring. At least you are not financially disadvantaged by not being married. If anything, as the main breadwinner, it would be better for you financially to stay as you are. That's not the point, though, because it's clearly important to you.

Why do you actually want to get married? Is it about the commitment? Legal status? Excuse for a big party?

House in your name etc ? 🌺

If anything, as the main breadwinner, it would be better for you financially to stay as you are.

I couldn’t agree with this more.

@SavannahBentley

I mean I’m the main bread winner, and our daughter attends nursery so none of that is an issue

Yeah you’re better off not being married tbh. It is useful as financial protection if you take turn out of your career to raise children but if you’re self sufficient and fully employed it makes more sense for you not to marry.

How about some kind of party to celebrate 5 years together or possibly an ‘engagement’ party with a veeeeeerrrrry long engagement?! That way you get the fun part of getting married without signing over half your assets to him.

How about some kind of party to celebrate 5 years together or possibly an ‘engagement’ party with a veeeeeerrrrry long engagement?!

You do know that being engaged means engaged to be married? Have you read the OP?

I would leave him, for me marriage was really important. You might end up resenting him if you stay and he doesn't change his mind.

Leave him,he wants to make it easy for himself if he ever gets fed up of you.

I love how we advise women to get married because if they don’t, they’re left vulnerable.

But if the woman’s the breadwinner, it makes more sense for her not to get married?

Surely then, it makes more sense for male breadwinners not to get married either?

You have two choices here. You either want to be married or with your partner. Sounds like you won't be getting both. You need to decide which one you want more.

I've been with OH for almost 15 years. He doesn't want to marry even though I do. I had to decid which one I wanted more. The answer was easy, I wanted to be with him.

Do I get sad sometimes that I won't get to be a bride? Yes, but then I remember what I would be missing out on.

@23PissOffAvenueWF

I love how we advise women to get married because if they don’t, they’re left vulnerable.

But if the woman’s the breadwinner, it makes more sense for her not to get married?

Surely then, it makes more sense for male breadwinners not to get married either?

Correct

@Newcastleteacake

You have two choices here. You either want to be married or with your partner. Sounds like you won't be getting both. You need to decide which one you want more.

I've been with OH for almost 15 years. He doesn't want to marry even though I do. I had to decid which one I wanted more. The answer was easy, I wanted to be with him.

Do I get sad sometimes that I won't get to be a bride? Yes, but then I remember what I would be missing out on.

I hope you’re VERY financially secure and have no children that disrupted your career

@orpah

Doesn't matter the situation over here. Women aren't penalised for being unmarried where I live. Single... single parent.... married with kids... married without kids.... everyone gets the same benefits and opportunities.

I keep reading about how vulnerable unmarried women with children are over there. Don't you have laws to protect those in defacto relationships?

[quote Newcastleteacake]@orpah

Doesn't matter the situation over here. Women aren't penalised for being unmarried where I live. Single... single parent.... married with kids... married without kids.... everyone gets the same benefits and opportunities.

I keep reading about how vulnerable unmarried women with children are over there. Don't you have laws to protect those in defacto relationships?[/quote]
where do you live? I’d love to read about this land of milk& honey!

@orpah

There's really no need to be so rude.

Where I live, if a couple have been together a certain amount of years without marrying the court of law views them as being in a common law marriage. If they decide to separate, division of all assets, etc are treated as if they were married.

I assume that's not the case in the UK which is why so many women are financially vulnerable if they are unmarried?

We also have a stable benefits system where a single parent will receive financial support if required amongst other benefits and opportunities.

[quote Newcastleteacake]@orpah

There's really no need to be so rude.

Where I live, if a couple have been together a certain amount of years without marrying the court of law views them as being in a common law marriage. If they decide to separate, division of all assets, etc are treated as if they were married.

I assume that's not the case in the UK which is why so many women are financially vulnerable if they are unmarried?

We also have a stable benefits system where a single parent will receive financial support if required amongst other benefits and opportunities.[/quote]
I wasn’t being rude, I genuinely would like to read about the laws where you live. Where is that?

@orpah

Australia.