Marriage

[SavannahBentley]

I really want to get married, my boyfriend does not... should I leave him? Or am I being abit mad

Why do you want to get married? Aside from the pressures of society/family/friends, what is it that you think a “marriage”/certificate can bring that you don’t already have? Being married won’t solidify your relationship. Try look at all the things you do have rather than that one thing you don’t. Would your partner be open to civil partnership? Some people just don’t like/want the idea of marriage.
My partner and I have been together 15 years, 2 kids not married & not interested in changing a thing! It’s not been easy, but that more because other people had a problem with it. Once they got over it, things just carried on!!

Well it all sounds a bit too late to really do anything about it? Surely this is a conversation you should have had before having a child? If you leave him now then you look ridiculously shallow to break up a family over it?

Which is more important your partner or your desire to get married. A friend of mine and I were both in this situation at one point but for me, I adored my partner and being with him was more important (although he surprised me with a proposal and change of heart after I had children) but for my friend marriage was more important and she split from her partner

The fact that you have a child means leaving simply because you want marriage wrong. If everything else is fine and your child is happy you'd be wrong to leave IMO.

What’s the relationship like in other ways? What is your reason for wanting to be married?

You should point out all the (boring) legal stuff that comes with marriage.
Being each other's next of kin
Married Tax Allowance
Being entitled to Widow/Widower Allowance if one of you dies (at least I think that still exists).
Being entitled to each others pension when one of you dies.
Also point out you don't have to have a wedding. You can just get married at the Registrar Office which with the license fees etc can be done for about £100.

@23PissOffAvenueWF

I love how we advise women to get married because if they don’t, they’re left vulnerable.

But if the woman’s the breadwinner, it makes more sense for her not to get married?

Surely then, it makes more sense for male breadwinners not to get married either?

I was thinking a similar thing. 🙄. When I got married I brought more money to the marriage, I earned more and did for most of the marriage, (although he has earned more last few years) and was happy to say those vows, for richer for poorer, to be willing to share, not expect a one way street in my direction.

I find the attitude of marry if you are the financially less well off partner and don’t marry if you are the better off partner, quite depressing and a backwards step for women.

I find the attitude of marry if you are the financially less well off partner and don’t marry if you are the better off partner, quite depressing and a backwards step for women.

Well, there are obviously multiple reasons why people might marry, with finances being just one of them, but there is nothing wrong with acknowledging that there is a financial disadvantage to marriage for the higher earner, whether they are male or female. That is just the truth. And I say that as the higher earner in my relationship. Personally, I wouldn't choose to not be married because of this, because there are other reasons why I value our marriage, but I do think it's important for all parties to go in with their eyes wide open.

In this case, the OP wants marriage and her partner doesn't. It was relevant to ascertain whether or not she will be financially disadvantaged by his stance. Fortunately, it seems that she will not, but there are clearly other reasons why marriage is important to her.

This may be harsh but men who don’t want to get married either don’t want to get married or don’t want to get married to you. If marriage is important to you than leave. You will find someone else who does want to be married to you. You deserve that.

@orpah

How about some kind of party to celebrate 5 years together or possibly an ‘engagement’ party with a veeeeeerrrrry long engagement?!

You do know that being engaged means engaged to be married? Have you read the OP?

Yes hence the veeeerrrrry long part.

Why doesnt he see the point of marriage? Has he explained why he feels this way?

My DP doesnt want to marry me so i know hpw you feel. It makes me feel not good enough

@Newcastleteacake Don't you have laws to protect those in defacto relationships?

Thankfully not. I’d hate for my legal status to change based on how long I’d been shacked up with someone. I’m happy with our system where both parties have to consent to their legal status being changed.